Hi Mary,

Thanks so much for writing! I've received some very helpful emails and I
really appreciate everyone that has taken the time to write. Since I no longer
use a chair, my big fear is falling with or dropping a baby...I fall frequently.
I'm starting to think that if I choose to do this I might want to consider using
the chair again...I don't know, I guess I have more thinking to do.

As for dating...I'm afraid I think way to highly of myself *lol*...I tend to
think I can do way better than some of the bozo's that usually like me more than
I like them. I guess I'm just not willing to settle for less than what I really
want...which is a true "connection". I have dated one guy with whome I felt
that...started to fall in love with him even. But...he never wants to marry or
have kids (so he says...but note both my ex-LTR's are married with children
now...so I guess men just don't want to marry ME). Anyway...I've cooled on the
dating for a while...it's just too depressing. I either like them more than they
like me or vice versa.

I would like to find a local sci group like the one you mentioned...if anyone
knows of something in the Seattle/Tacoma area, please let me know.

thanks!
Becki

mary cooper <cooperm1@...> wrote:
Hi Becki,
My name is Mary. I am a T-10 complete. I am 41 years old. I was involved in
an MVA 5 years ago. I am a single mom. My daughter was 3 at the time of my
accident. At first I had big adjustments in parenting with my daughter. Now ,
this is how it is. she never ran away. She always kept close in public.
Somehow she knew not to stray to far. She also was old enough to get into my
lap so I pushed her around a lot. She loves to sit and get a free ride. At 8
she still sits on my lap. Once she ran and jumped into my lap. I had to
replace the roho cushion since she popped it. A great lesson learned.

I also struggle with dating. I'm not very good at it. I have tried post injury
but I have no self confidence. Who wants a broken person. I do miss physical
contact (not counting my daughter). That hurts the most. I try not to dwell on
this
However, I have a lot of friends in chairs. Many are married and have children.
Some have had children post injury. I have not lost hope.
I belong to a local sci support group. We are a young group of people. ranging
from 18 to 70. All of us are very active in our lives. Some work, some do not.
We do not sit on the pity pot at our meetings.

My daughter wants a brother or sister. I would love another child but am a
little leery of the process. But you never know what will happen.
I wish you luck and hope I was a least some help. If I can do any more please
let me know.
mary



----- Original Message -----
From: Becki
To: womenwithsci@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, January 08, 2006 5:45 PM
Subject: [Women with SCI] Hi, I'm new


My name is Becki. I have an incomplete SCI at the T10 level. Three
years ago I had heart surgery to correct a fatal birth defect and
woke up partially paralyzed, unable to stand, move some ways, feel
some things. After three years I am now walking on crutches. I live
completely independently, work full time, am single and have 2 cats
and a dog.

I've been seeking out support systems because my friends just can't
relate to the problems I have. I've even started a Yahoo group for
people in my area, though there aren't any members yet.

As a single 32 (almost) year old woman who is a major failure in the
dating world (especially post injury), I struggle a lot with
loneliness. I've been thinking a lot lately about either adopting a
child or having one naturally with some help from a donor. My whole
life I always "knew" I would have children, and it's painful to be
32 and not see that dream anywhere close to coming to fruition.

I would be interested in hearing from other women who had children
post injury. What types of adjustments did you make, how do you
handle the things that scare me...like children running away from
you (I can't run), what tools did you find most useful, things like
that. This is just in thinking phase right now...I'm only
considering this as a last resort if I hit 35 and still have no
prospects.

I hope to learn more about the people here. :)
Becki





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