I have now been away from my abuser for two weeks. In that time, I have secured
a place to live, and have been able to get the majority of my things moved. I
miss his warm body, and his smell. The abuse was bad, but the sex was good. I am
feeling pretty good. After my first visit back to the house, I was almost
inconsolable (sp?); it still amazes me that he is so totally unable to love
anyone. He says he still loves me, but I don't think that he really ever did. He
is also sure that this is only temporary. His exact words to me a couple of days
ago were, "Some day you're going to wise up and forget this nonsense..." Can you
believe it? WTF? I'm almost settled in to the new place, and have already
started doing things with girlfriends after work to help stave off some of the
emptiness. How long does it take before seeing him in an old photo album doesn't
make you wish things were different? I only wanted him to love me. Was it really
as bad as I think it was? I only wanted something closer to a "normal"
relationship. SIGH.