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Abusive Men: Top 10 Signs of an Abusive Man

Abusive men are often survivors of abuse themselves. Signs of an
abusive man can range from emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual
abuse. Frequently an emotionally abusive man is also a verbally
abusive man or a combination of all abuse types. A sign of an abusive
man can usually be found after a few dates if you pay attention, ask
a lot of questions and do some investigating into his past.



Abusive relationships are characterized by control games, violence,
jealousy and withholding sex and emotional contact. An emotionally
abusive man is harder to pin-point and a skilled, abusive man can
easily make you think you aren't good enough or that everything is
your fault. It is just as difficult to recover from emotional abuse
as it is from physical abuse. Emotional abuse causes low self-esteem
and depression. An abusive man may tell you he loves you or that he
will change, so you won't leave. However, the more times you take him
back, the more control he will gain. Empty promises become the norm.
Make sure you pay attention to his actions and not merely his words.
As the old saying goes, "actions speak louder than words." Abusive
relationships are never abusive in the beginning. If they were, women
would dump the abusive men immediately in search of a good man.

According to the American Psychological Association Force on Violence
and Family, over 4 million American women experience a serious
assault by a partner each year! Who can forget when heavy-weight
champ Mike Tyson was convicted of raping Desiree Washington and
sentenced to six years in prison. Tyson served three years before
being released on parole. Thereafter, he married Robin Givens but
they divorced on Valentine's Day only a year later because Givens
claimed Tyson abused her. Abusive behavior touches all ranges of
society.

We have broken down the top 10 signs of an abusive man. If your
partner exhibits one or more of these signs, it may be time to
reevaluate your relationship and seek help or get out.

1. Jealousy & Possessiveness – Becomes jealous over your family,
friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and
children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses
you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks
where you've been and with whom in an accusatory manner.

2. Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the
center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the
activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing
signs of independence or strength.

3. Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He
always justifies his actions so he can be "right" by blaming you or
others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you
names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive
man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are
frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about
themselves.

4. Manipulates – Tells you you're crazy or stupid so the blame is
turned on you. Tries to make you think that it's your fault he is
abusive. Says he can't help being abusive so you feel sorry for him
and you keep trying to "help" him. Tells others you are unstable.

5. Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to
apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred.

6. Actions don't match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you
and then abuses you.

7. Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex,
emotional intimacy, or plays the "silent game" as punishment when he
doesn't get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing
you.

8. Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn't think there is
anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not
acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside
circumstances.

9. Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters,
or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless.

10. Has a history of abusing women and/or animals or was abused
himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who are
submissive and can be controlled. Abusive behavior can be a
generational dysfunction and abused men have a great chance of
becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse
women also.

If you continue to stay in an abusive relationship because you think
he will change and start treating you well, think again. An abusive
man does not change without long-term therapy. Group counseling
sessions are particularly helpful in helping abusive men recognize
their abusive patterns. Type A personality types seem to be more
prone to abusive behavior due to their aggressive nature. Drugs and
alcohol can create or further escalate an abusive relationship.
Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are excellent programs
for an addict. The abuser's partner should also seek help for their
codependent behavior at Codependents Anonymous.

If the abusive man is not willing to seek help, then you must take
action by protecting yourself and any children involved by leaving.
By staying in an abusive relationship you are condoning it. If you
are scared you won't be able to survive because of finances, pick up
the phone book and start calling shelters. Try calling family,
friends and associates and ask them if they can help or know of ways
to help. Once you leave, the abuser may cry and beg for forgiveness
but don't go back until you have spoken to his counselor and he has
completed long-term therapy successfully. Be prepared for the abuse
to increase after you leave because the abuser has lost control. The
Bureau of Justice Statistics states that on the average, more than
three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day so
please be careful. If you partner is not willing to seek help for his
abusive behavior, your only option is to leave.