Hi ladies,
Its been a while since I wrote and believe me I wish I had the
time and strength to write constantly. I believe I told you about my chronic
pain disease rsd (reflex sympathetic dystrophy) and fibromyalgia and pain has
been terrible so my ability to do much has been limited I apologize to all I
wish I was able to give more advice and care to all instead of one or two every
day or two.

I wanted to let you know that I took my counselors advice as well
as some wonderful ladies here and stood up to my abusive boy, I feel he doesent
deserve the title of a man no matter what the age. I told him I was to sore or
whatever else to say I was not leaving my mothers to go home, at first he argued
and did not take our son as he never deals with him, I always do, he is to tired
from work( thats what he always says and requires atleast 12 hours sleep).

Then he said he wanted his son, I couldnt deny him his rights s a
father besides my fear of his constant threat to take custody I was scared to.
Within two days my son began arriving back to my mothers at the time his father
had to work saying unusual phrases. He said he hated me, or my mom, he didnt
like our home and only his dad was good he liked him and didnt want to be with
us. I questioned this behavior because he is 21/2 and always was all me and he
said his daddy told him we were bad and not good to be with we were mean etc...

Neddless to say I didnt want him alone anymore and so I started
going back again when he came and within 2-3 days it was back to normal phrases
stopped and he was attached and loving as ever. He wakes up with love and kisses
and is the sweetest in the world, he is my best little guy.

One night i wasent able to go and stopped by though and there was
pot in the bathroom with fresh smell and bowl, lighter etc... I asked to take
him home he wanted to keep him and my neighbor stopped in quick when she saw me
arrive to see the stuff to. I was scared to report it but she did.

Good right, nope completely backfired... we have an exhaust fan in
our bathroom and I guess when the officer arrived he found nothing and according
to my boyfriend seemed to aim at his guess of me making the report true and told
him to let me know reprucussions of false allegations.

Can you believe this, for one I hadent called. For 2 they
didnt find anything but it was there and I took a photo but Its not enough
unless timed and dated and him in the act. #rd how can the cop say they were
false allegations just because the bowl was gone doesent mean it wasent there!!

I dont know what to do , I leave my son with him I have a nervous
breakdown due to his drinking and drugging and then my son coming saying the
things he did not counting the racists words and feelings his father has, but if
I do go I get insulted and pushed to my limit, demeanered no matter what I do
its wrong and or not good enough.

I need so much proof otherwise its hearsay and not taking seriously
even though in the past right before the baby was born and two years before that
he had a dwi, 2 bar fights , a harrassment charge that was dropped, filed
bankruptcy along with bounced casino checks at 2-4 casinos( gambling problem),
but they say thats the past not recent enough.

He still drinks and gambles and treats me badly and loves his son yes but
when its convenient and does all his habits while he is around and just because
he hasent been caught doesent mean its stopped but they count it as past
charges.

What to do I dont know anymore it seems no matter what I cant win. I dont see
how these men can just get away with this and w/out top proof thays it its
hearsay, What can I do.

I dont want my son to grow up like him, I dont want to loose my soon and
my illness is a factor and I dont want to be hurt anymore... he makes me feel so
low and hurt and then says its me its always me, everything from the baby acting
up at 2 (terrible twos) to our puppy mis behaving to anything going not his way
is always some how connected and caused by me.

NOW WHAT, Im so scared in many ways and I know its a slight
chance I would loose my son but its a chance and I cant take it espescially to
have him raised like that, I want him to have better morals and more respect for
women and other nationalities. I dont want him to grow up without his father
either, I dont know what to do, or how to fix it and most of all I dont know how
to show a judge that the man with all those past charges is still that same man
and worst.


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