Mileva- Don't be so hard on yourself! they know exactly how to play us & press
our buttons! They like to play games. I think they are so down on themselves &
dislike who they are so much that they have to screw with us so they don't have
to focus on themselves. You will see what he is doing more & more each day! I
would call him on it too. Let him know you know he is trying to urke you & you
won't deal with it. Walk away or hang up on him. Then he will have to argue w/
himself & annoy himself!
Have a great weekend!

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

-Tanya

Mileva Einst <milevaeinst@...> wrote:
My husband 'got' me this weekend. I'm getting closer
to realizing all of the mindgames at the moment he's
trying to play them with me, but these particular
realizations unfortunately came a few seconds too late
and I was sucked in before I could prevent them.

He likes to verbally jerk me around for no reason. Or
no reason, rather, that I can figure afterwards other
than to just directly control me for a few moments and
feel like he's pulled one over because he's 'mentally
superior'. Little ego-boost mind-games for him that
just mentally wear me out. I feel like I have to be
constantly vigilant for whatever bomb he decides to
lob in the latest skirmish I'm not even aware has
started in the overall war.

I told him the name of a restaurant where he was to
meet me and our daughter. First, he deliberately
mispronounced the name back to me so I would have to
repeat it to be clear and then deliberately mixed up
the simple directions to the restaurant repeating them
back to me obviously wrong so I would go through the
trouble of giving them again so we all wouldn't miss
meeting. I know this was all deliberate due to the
self-satisfied "I 'got' you!" smirk he had on his face
after I went through the trouble to repeat everything.
I immediately felt foolish and disgusted for falling
into the trap.

Another difficult conversation the same day:

Him: I'm going to the store. (It was a miracle he
even announced in general *where* he was going)
Me: What store are you going to?
Him: Why do you need to know?
Me: (exasperated) Can't you just say what store
you're going to?
Him: No, tell me why you want to know.
Me: Because if you're going to X store, I wanted to
ask you to get the filter for the fish tank (that he
bought, btw).
Him: I'm not going to that store.
Me: (figuring that he was going to the grocery store
instead) Oh. Well, then will you pick up some milk
while you're at [the grocery store]?
Him: I don't see why you didn't stop and pick it up
on your way home earlier from your [volunteer] work.
Me: Just FORGET it! (But I was thinking: Because I
wasn't already AT the store on my way home like you're
going to be, dufus! And besides, it didn't occur to me
until now, and I'm thinking of getting the freaking
milk FOR YOU so you'll have it if we run out and you
want it.)

So, low and behold, he walks back in the door with the
milk like it was some kind of huge gift to me. All of
that crap was so unnecessary except it gave him his
little control ego boost.

I am so mad at myself for not recognizing these games
sooner to refuse to participate. My realization time
is getting better but it's nowhere near to where it
needs to be yet. Obviously.

Mileva

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