Sunni,
I agree with Dana. I too ended up calling in Adult Protective Services
on my dad. They had him placed in the nursing home and I signed the
papers. He was deemed a danger not only to himself, but others as well.
He could no longer care for himself. But he lived alone and several
hundred miles away.
I don't recall what your dad's living situation is.
There are no easy answers and I can tell you it doesn't get any easier
if he's going to continue to drink. As hard as this is for me to say, I
speak from experience and from the heart. Alcoholism is a very selfish
disease. My dad chose the alcohol over his family. Yes, it's a disease
but HE made that choice as has your dad. As a single mom, you have a lot
on your plate. This affects Phoenix in ways you may never know. And that
my friend is something you have to consider. Your son needs his mom
too.
Take care of yourself and stay strong,
Carrie
On Sat, 30 May 2009 8:59 pm, sunniibunnii71 wrote:
> another miserable long day!!!started at 10 looking for dad he walked
> off again...a neighbor boy said he saw him walking in his rebel hat
> with no shirt headed in the woods..I drove all over called Camal county
> sheriff..to be aware finally drove up on him saw a police car with
> lights near bridge. dad got in my car I took him to Methodist ER..I
> asked them to get ammonia level and explained, no UTI..he was free and
> clear only had a high blood alcohol.. his mental state of mind..they
> ran needed tests and he was fine..all levels of blood were on the
> correct ranges. they gave him 2 ativans and he passed out for several
> hours...he woke up said he was ready to go to the beach, and get his
> new cars., etc..still makes no sense I explained he has no money he has
> debts and he cant buy 3 cars..and tried explaining he is out of his
> mind,.,and if he continues to walk the streets he Will be in danger of
> getting hit by a car , or picked up by police and jail time..etc..he
> flat doesn't get it..so i took him home,,.its only a matter of time
> before he wanders again..I plan to take him to the neurologist Dr Gadza
> who is also a psychiatrist who can evaluate him and see where he is
> mentally and let us know..that is my plan for now..if he hasn't hitch
> hiked off to the beach...and gone by then..he is out of control and we
> are powerless over him,...even when my mom stayed and tried to prevent
> him from going off...she couldn't he gets violent..this has been an
> exhausting mess...talk soon
>
>
Me

another miserable long day!!!started at 10 looking for dad he walked off
again...a neighbor boy said he saw him walking in his rebel hat with no shirt
headed in the woods..I drove all over called Camal county sheriff..to be aware
finally drove up on him saw a police car with lights near bridge. dad got in my
car I took him to Methodist ER..I asked them to get ammonia level and explained,
no UTI..he was free and clear only had a high blood alcohol..  his mental state
of mind..they ran needed tests and he was fine..all levels of blood were on the
correct ranges. they gave him 2 ativans and he passed out for several hours...he
woke up said he was ready to go to the beach, and get his new cars., etc..still
makes no sense I explained he has no money he has debts and he cant buy 3
cars..and tried explaining he is out of his mind,.,and if he continues to walk
the streets he Will be in danger of getting hit by a car , or picked up by
police and jail time..etc..he flat doesn't  get it..so i took him home,,.its
only a matter of time before he wanders again..I plan to take him to the
neurologist Dr Gadza who is also a psychiatrist who can evaluate him and see
where he is mentally and let us know..that is my plan for now..if he hasn't
hitch hiked off to the beach...and gone by then..he is out of control and we are
powerless over him,...even when my mom stayed and tried to prevent him from
going off...she couldn't he gets violent..this has been an exhausting
mess...talk soon

--- In wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com, Nora <dulcineasmom@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi Sunni,
>  
> I'm still here.  Have you thought of a "live-in" nurse's aide or some such
caregiver?
>  
> Good Luck
> Nora
>
Thanks for the great ideas..and replies...were still up in the air on what to do
afraid aides, and ass living will take his pension that he has debts to pay he
is responsible for. here is how today was...took dad to cash 45.00 irs check he
lost his ID so we had to go far away bank and he was over drawn 500.00 but they
did it they gave him 45.00 anyway and said he can come in Friday and dispute
some of the penalties from his act..so that will help some..his car must get out
of the impound it costs 20.00  daily..baught a 24 pack of beer for 14.00 a 1
pack cigs tomorrow withe his 15,00 he has left i will gethis 22.00 carton of
cigs in town..while im there taking my mom to emergency room finally for her
leg..I told dad I will not be able to check on him thursday at all Im booked
solid and have apts in new braunfels..so we got some tv dinners he likes
etc..when i unloaded the car my seat was soaking wet...URINE..i just now GOT
HOME AND CLEANED OUT THE CAR AND ITS BED TIME, more tome i havent been abloe top
spend with my 7 year old son.. already another day from hell...last night he
walked to my house for beer...so the message to get accross here is he must have
moey for beer and cigs and i must be the one to deliver them to him since i live
close by..so DANI..we need to get a budget for his cigs and beer set up...so i
wont have to take chanes of him walking to my house in all hours of the
night..and him stealing from me...he goes through my purse and glopve box for
change..he cant be trusted..my mom agreed to care for him..as long as she gets a
few breaksaway too..sounds reasonable to me..and fair..he is nice..ande easier
to get along with but he wants to paint the house..inside witha  skeleton and a
red heart..ha I said lets get poster board and he said ok..he heard jennifers 
husband shooting his gun the other day...now he wants to shoot..hgis gun out
side too at cans..hell no...what about kids animals..he is fine if he has what
he needs..for now..let s just wait and see how keeping him satisfied..etc..one
day at a time..and I do need to vent...so this is me venting..ha  my mom says as
long as they have a phone she will be there for emergencies..no one has any
money left...does anyone in the family want to help witha  cheap phone?? so they
have it?? that would be a big help...I lfte the house at 715got home at
815...doing stuff for everyone but Phoenix and myself..these days will grow old
fast..we need a plan and as long as he has $ for his habits he willbe ok and
that means so will I<>..

One option would be to call the county's Adult Protective Services (or
the equivalent).  He sounds gravely disabled, unable to manage his own
financial affairs, and at risk of burning down the house (and himself)
due to forgetting that he's cooking food.

Another option would be to seek conservatorship over his person and
his financial matters, but you might need to have medical
documentation of his inability to take care of himself, and that's not
good that doctors are refusing to talk to you.  That's why it may be
necessary for Adult Protective Services to get involved because they
should be able to get the doctors to talk to them.

There's a chance that if he realizes he could lose the ability to make
decisions about his own life, he will stop drinking and seek help.  My
father did that for a while after Adult Protective Services got
involved and after he realized they could start controlling his life.
However, after he succeeded in changing the doctor's mind about his
mental fitness, which caused the court to drop the matter, he started
drinking again and eventually needed to be hospitalized again.
Despite living 3000 miles away, I attempted to get conservatorship
over him at this point (Adult Protective Services refused to deal with
him again), and arranged for professionals to visit him at home to
assist him, but in this case, he ended up dying alone at home of an
unexpected and massive heart attack (which is probably how he would
have wanted to pass).

Your father is killing himself with the alcohol.   Some would say he
has the right to do that.  Some feel others should try to intervene to
try to stop him from doing that---but doing so may allow him to blame
other people for the anger and frustration he feels instead of
realizing what he's doing to himself.

I'm not current on the research about what to do in a situation like
this, and perhaps there's some useful research findings available out
there.  In the absence of such knowledge, if I had to do things all
over again, I would focus on bringing out the small part of my father
that did realize he had a problem.  I would ask him what he remembered
about what was going on in his life, whether he remembered certain
problems he had had, and what he thought should be done to help him
function better and maximize the quality of his life.   It can be very
helpful to keep someone on track with respect to focusing on their own
problems and what needs to be done about them; otherwise, many people
perpetually go off-track, thereby never getting around to addressing
their own problems.

Good luck.


Dana
















On Tue, May 26, 2009 at 6:10 PM, sunniibunnii71
<sunniibunnii71@...> wrote:
> Hello..its been a long time since I have posted or read orbeen in touch. My
dad is Bill the fireman, who has been on and off..his WKS has reached a point
where he thinks he is a millionaire, and he wants to go buy us cars. He forgets
he has the bath tub running and over flows the house, cooks and forgets..my
family is done helping him. I am a single parentto a 7yearold. and we do what we
can when we can. My question is this. what is best for him? He lives in a hme he
owes monthly thathis father co signed the loan for so he has to continue to pay
for this, a nursing home will cost a fortune. He might do ok as long as he is
allowed to smoke that is what he does..he also likes beerI know no facility will
allow that. I am prepared to do what needs to be done..I jus dont know what to
do or who to talk to..his neurolgist and doctors no longer return calls..so I
was hoping for some advice from other who went through this who might know what
to do?? Thank you so much Sunni in Texas
> email sunniibunnii71@...
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------

where do I take him now?? assisted living etc?? will he be able to smoke? I dont
know what else to do?? so many questions...thanks

Hello..its been a long time since I have posted or read orbeen in touch. My dad
is Bill the fireman, who has been on and off..his WKS has reached a point where
he thinks he is a millionaire, and he wants to go buy us cars. He forgets he has
the bath tub running and over flows the house, cooks and forgets..my family is
done helping him. I am a single parentto a 7yearold. and we do what we can when
we can. My question is this. what is best for him? He lives in a hme he owes
monthly thathis father co signed the loan for so he has to continue to pay for
this, a nursing home will cost a fortune. He might do ok as long as he is
allowed to smoke that is what he does..he also likes beerI know no facility will
allow that. I am prepared to do what needs to be done..I jus dont know what to
do or who to talk to..his neurolgist and doctors no longer return calls..so I
was hoping for some advice from other who went through this who might know what
to do?? Thank you so much Sunni in Texas
email sunniibunnii71@...

Hello everyone,
I have just found your group so I thought I would join and introduce
myself. I live in the UK and I operate a few facilities for people with
Korsakoffs, or as we call it, Alcohol Related Brain Injury (ARBI).
We rehab. people and send them home, which is pretty unheard of here.
We have really great sucesses with our clients, most of whom can return
home with no problem at all.
Do you have facilities like this in the USA? I know our sister company
took a man from Arizona a while ago and he is doing fine, but he
obviously had to travel to the UK for the right treatment.
Karen

Hello everyone,
I have just found your group so I thought I would join and introduce
myself. I live in the UK and I operate a few facilities for people with
Korsakoffs, or as we call it, Alcohol Related Brain Injury (ARBI).
We rehab. people and send them home, which is pretty unheard of here.
We have really great sucesses with our clients, most of whom can return
home with no problem at all.
Do you have facilities like this in the USA? I know our sister company
took a man from Arizona a while ago and he is doing fine, but he
obviously had to travel to the UK for the right treatment.
Karen

Hi Nora, thanx for a reply and yes I'm still hang'n in there. I'm just wait'n 4 a call when to go back into hospital for a detox... again. This is going to be the last time.

I think why I blew out last time was the fact I ran out of pain med. And could'nt hack the neuropathy in my feet, knee and now in my left hand. My medication is 160mg of oxycodone hcl daily and it also really helps control the alcho crave. lots, lots, lots. But it is a controled drug, so if you have to many before the next due date bad luck. Not to mention the opiate withdrawl. I think if I did'nt have too many and get knocked back I still probably would be dry...? But! U get that..!

So I gotta concentrate, after detox, that I don't run out..aye. And go back out west for the oncoming wheat harvest. My x business partner is a non drinker and knows my situation with memory & WKS, so hopefully come october I will be in a better position to break away from this empty bottle syndrome. And make some recovery of grey matter.

John

--- In wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com, Nora <dulcineasmom@...> wrote:
>
> Hi John,
>
> I was wondering what had happened to you. Hang in there...you can do it if you put your mind to it. It's all been a long haul for me but I'm still here. And that's saying something....ask my daughter.
>
> All the best,
> Nora
>
> John Gaghan johngaghan@... wrote:
> I have been sitt'n on the side 4 a bit cos I flunk'd. Really sorry 2
> hear about the passing away of loved ones. And did'nt have the guts to
> write cos I'm ashamed. Check my posts from around 2364. But somehow it
> just pulls u back.. I'm not Sigmund Freud. Anyway I've lost feel'n in
> my 2 left fingers now. And setup for another de-tox in the next few
> weeks...... Doc reckons I won't c 50...But I will no matter what..... I
> will..I will...Have to. Go GO on {crappy post'n, but u get that} John xo
>

Thanks, Kelli. It's great to hear how well your husband is doing. I'll
ask about the drugs he's on. Now that we've finally arrived at a
diagnosis, I have a feeling things are going to get better. Not sure
how yet, but brighter minds than mine are working on it.

I'll remember what you said about your husband surfing--but we don't do
that very often on the Great Lakes. If your fall off your surf board in
Lake Huron, people can still see you! (A three-foot wave is a veritable
Tsunami on any Michigan shore!)

Dave

So no surfing for me, but it sure would be nice to crawl into bed at
night without making what my wife calls "Old man sounds." These sounds
involve groans followed by a minor whimper, then a big "Aaahhhhh!"

Pain from the brain? Maybe neurotonin or lyrica would help. Both are
prescribed for nerve pain.
Just a thought....
Carrie

On Tue, 12 Aug 2008 4:12 pm, misticuf wrote:
> Thanks, Carrie. I think the pain comes from the brain. I've been
> complaining about it, without knowing it's Korsakoff's, for a couple
> of years now. Actually, what really seems to help is thiamin. The
> neurologists say I don't need Thiamin anymore, but that it won't hurt
> me. I think it helps. It doesn't eliminate the pain, but it lessens
> it a bit. That's what I think, anyway. Maybe it's enough.
>
> Dave
>
> --- In wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com, carrie buckingham
> <ibcarrieat@...> wrote:
>>
>>  Dave,
>>  I can only answer for my dad. He had on going leg pain....in both
> legs. So bad that he couldn't walk at times. I heard stories of him
> crawling on the floor or scooting on his butt across the floor. All
> of it attributed to his drinking. I don't think it was
> ever "treated". In my opinion it wasn't "treated" because of his
> drinking. I'm still dealing with his death.
>>
>>  Having been through a scare with a pain disorder myself, I can
> tell you that the treatment for the pain would depend on the source
> of the pain. Is it muscular, bone or nerve pain? If you don't get
> any where with the neuro doc, try consulting with a pain management
> specialist.
>>  I'm still working on reading that manuscript.
>>  Hang in there my truely blessed friend,
>>  Carrie
>>
>>  misticuf <misticuf@...> wrote:
>>  Hi guys:
>>
>>  I haven't posted for a while, but I've been keeping a loose eye (or
>>  an eye, loosely) on stuff here. I came through the wernickes pretty
>>  well, but now (three years after leaving recuperative care) I've
> been
>>  diagnosed with Korsakoff's, or alcohol amnesic disorder...whichever
>>  title you want to use.
>>
>>  I don't drink anymore and haven't since coming out of the WE, but
> the
>>  damage was done. I just had a neuropsych evaluation two weeks ago
> and
>>  will get the results on Wednesday. My short-term memory is pretty
>>  good (I'm able to hold down a job, live at home, and work on my
> novel
>>  manuscript), but sometimes stuff just "blanks" and I forget things.
>>  It's strange. Well, not strange, it just feels strange. With any
> luck
>>  at all, the neuropsychologist and neurologist will be able to help
> me
>>  with the memory deficit. Apparently my IQ hasn't fallen, so I think
> I
>>  can make use of whatever they can teach me--but it'll take me a
> while
>>  to learn it.
>>
>>  Anyone know if the leg pain is treatable? It hurts to walk.
> Sometimes
>>  I use a cane, but it doesn't help much with the pain...unless you
>>  count concentrating on the cane as taking my mind off the pain.
>>
>>  I'm not complaining. Given how bad things could have been and/or
> how
>>  bad they could be, I have a lot to be thankful for. I just felt
> like
>>  sharing with someone, and you're still out there, aren't you?
>>
>>  All in all, I feel blessed. The WE is serious stuff and when you
> come
>>  away with only scratches from a devastating thing of your own
> making,
>>  you have to count yourself among the blessed.
>>
>>  Hope all is well with you.
>>
>>  Dave
>>
>
>
Carrie

Thanks, Carrie. I think the pain comes from the brain. I've been
complaining about it, without knowing it's Korsakoff's, for a couple
of years now. Actually, what really seems to help is thiamin. The
neurologists say I don't need Thiamin anymore, but that it won't hurt
me. I think it helps. It doesn't eliminate the pain, but it lessens
it a bit. That's what I think, anyway. Maybe it's enough.

Dave

--- In wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com, carrie buckingham
<ibcarrieat@...> wrote:
>
> Dave,
>   I can only answer for my dad. He had on going leg pain....in both
legs. So bad that he couldn't walk at times. I heard stories of him
crawling on the floor or scooting on his butt across the floor.  All
of it attributed to his drinking. I don't think it was
ever "treated". In my opinion it wasn't "treated" because of his
drinking. I'm still dealing with his death.
>
>   Having been through a scare with a pain disorder myself, I can
tell you that the treatment for the pain would depend on the source
of the pain. Is it muscular, bone or nerve pain?  If you don't get
any where with the neuro doc, try consulting with a pain management
specialist.
>   I'm still working on reading that manuscript.
>   Hang in there my truely blessed friend,
>   Carrie
>
> misticuf <misticuf@...> wrote:
>           Hi guys:
>
> I haven't posted for a while, but I've been keeping a loose eye (or
> an eye, loosely) on stuff here. I came through the wernickes pretty
> well, but now (three years after leaving recuperative care) I've
been
> diagnosed with Korsakoff's, or alcohol amnesic disorder...whichever
> title you want to use.
>
> I don't drink anymore and haven't since coming out of the WE, but
the
> damage was done. I just had a neuropsych evaluation two weeks ago
and
> will get the results on Wednesday. My short-term memory is pretty
> good (I'm able to hold down a job, live at home, and work on my
novel
> manuscript), but sometimes stuff just "blanks" and I forget things.
> It's strange. Well, not strange, it just feels strange. With any
luck
> at all, the neuropsychologist and neurologist will be able to help
me
> with the memory deficit. Apparently my IQ hasn't fallen, so I think
I
> can make use of whatever they can teach me--but it'll take me a
while
> to learn it.
>
> Anyone know if the leg pain is treatable? It hurts to walk.
Sometimes
> I use a cane, but it doesn't help much with the pain...unless you
> count concentrating on the cane as taking my mind off the pain.
>
> I'm not complaining. Given how bad things could have been and/or
how
> bad they could be, I have a lot to be thankful for. I just felt
like
> sharing with someone, and you're still out there, aren't you?
>
> All in all, I feel blessed. The WE is serious stuff and when you
come
> away with only scratches from a devastating thing of your own
making,
> you have to count yourself among the blessed.
>
> Hope all is well with you.
>
> Dave
>

Greetings, Nora.

No, they haven't given me anything for the memory yet. I'm just happy
we're finally getting somewhere as far as a diagnosis. The
neuropsychologist said he can help me with learning/memorization
techniques. The neurologist said some of the alzheimer drugs might
help. I'm a lot more interested in the learning techniques than I am
the drugs.

If they give me a prescription for something, I'll do what they say.
But I'd much rather find a way to deal with it on my own.

Dave

--- In wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com, Nora
<dulcineasmom@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Dave,
>
>   Did they give you anything for the memory that has helped?  I
still have major problems with memory.
>
>   Also, I haven't had the leg pain so I can't help you there.
Sorry,
>   Nora
>
> misticuf <misticuf@...> wrote:
>           Hi guys:
>
> I haven't posted for a while, but I've been keeping a loose eye (or
> an eye, loosely) on stuff here. I came through the wernickes pretty
> well, but now (three years after leaving recuperative care) I've
been
> diagnosed with Korsakoff's, or alcohol amnesic disorder...whichever
> title you want to use.
>
> I don't drink anymore and haven't since coming out of the WE, but
the
> damage was done. I just had a neuropsych evaluation two weeks ago
and
> will get the results on Wednesday. My short-term memory is pretty
> good (I'm able to hold down a job, live at home, and work on my
novel
> manuscript), but sometimes stuff just "blanks" and I forget things.
> It's strange. Well, not strange, it just feels strange. With any
luck
> at all, the neuropsychologist and neurologist will be able to help
me
> with the memory deficit. Apparently my IQ hasn't fallen, so I think
I
> can make use of whatever they can teach me--but it'll take me a
while
> to learn it.
>
> Anyone know if the leg pain is treatable? It hurts to walk.
Sometimes
> I use a cane, but it doesn't help much with the pain...unless you
> count concentrating on the cane as taking my mind off the pain.
>
> I'm not complaining. Given how bad things could have been and/or
how
> bad they could be, I have a lot to be thankful for. I just felt
like
> sharing with someone, and you're still out there, aren't you?
>
> All in all, I feel blessed. The WE is serious stuff and when you
come
> away with only scratches from a devastating thing of your own
making,
> you have to count yourself among the blessed.
>
> Hope all is well with you.
>
> Dave
>

I have been sitt'n on the side 4 a bit cos I flunk'd. Really sorry 2
hear about the passing away of loved ones. And did'nt have the guts to
write cos I'm ashamed. Check my posts from around 2364. But somehow it
just pulls u back.. I'm not Sigmund Freud. Anyway I've lost feel'n in
my 2 left fingers now. And setup for another de-tox in the next few
weeks...... Doc reckons I won't c 50...But I will no matter what..... I
will..I will...Have to. Go GO on {crappy post'n, but u get that} John xo

Hi guys:

I haven't posted for a while, but I've been keeping a loose eye (or
an eye, loosely) on stuff here. I came through the wernickes pretty
well, but now (three years after leaving recuperative care) I've been
diagnosed with Korsakoff's, or alcohol amnesic disorder...whichever
title you want to use.

I don't drink anymore and haven't since coming out of the WE, but the
damage was done. I just had a neuropsych evaluation two weeks ago and
will get the results on Wednesday. My short-term memory is pretty
good (I'm able to hold down a job, live at home, and work on my novel
manuscript), but sometimes stuff just "blanks" and I forget things.
It's strange. Well, not strange, it just feels strange. With any luck
at all, the neuropsychologist and neurologist will be able to help me
with the memory deficit. Apparently my IQ hasn't fallen, so I think I
can make use of whatever they can teach me--but it'll take me a while
to learn it.

Anyone know if the leg pain is treatable? It hurts to walk. Sometimes
I use a cane, but it doesn't help much with the pain...unless you
count concentrating on the cane as taking my mind off the pain.

I'm not complaining. Given how bad things could have been and/or how
bad they could be, I have a lot to be thankful for. I just felt like
sharing with someone, and you're still out there, aren't you?

All in all, I feel blessed. The WE is serious stuff and when you come
away with only scratches from a devastating thing of your own making,
you have to count yourself among the blessed.

Hope all is well with you.

Dave

I have been sitt'n on the side 4 a bit cos I flunk'd. Really sorry 2
hear about the passing away of loved ones. And did'nt have the guts to
write cos I'm ashamed. Check my posts from around 2364. But somehow it
just pulls u back.. I'm not Sigmund Freud. Anyway I've lost feel'n in
my 2 left fingers now. And setup for another de-tox in the next few
weeks...... Doc reckons I won't c 50...But I will no matter what..... I
will..I will...Have to. Go GO on {crappy post'n, but u get that} John xo

Hi guys:

I haven't posted for a while, but I've been keeping a loose eye (or
an eye, loosely) on stuff here. I came through the wernickes pretty
well, but now (three years after leaving recuperative care) I've been
diagnosed with Korsakoff's, or alcohol amnesic disorder...whichever
title you want to use.

I don't drink anymore and haven't since coming out of the WE, but the
damage was done. I just had a neuropsych evaluation two weeks ago and
will get the results on Wednesday. My short-term memory is pretty
good (I'm able to hold down a job, live at home, and work on my novel
manuscript), but sometimes stuff just "blanks" and I forget things.
It's strange. Well, not strange, it just feels strange. With any luck
at all, the neuropsychologist and neurologist will be able to help me
with the memory deficit. Apparently my IQ hasn't fallen, so I think I
can make use of whatever they can teach me--but it'll take me a while
to learn it.

Anyone know if the leg pain is treatable? It hurts to walk. Sometimes
I use a cane, but it doesn't help much with the pain...unless you
count concentrating on the cane as taking my mind off the pain.

I'm not complaining. Given how bad things could have been and/or how
bad they could be, I have a lot to be thankful for. I just felt like
sharing with someone, and you're still out there, aren't you?

All in all, I feel blessed. The WE is serious stuff and when you come
away with only scratches from a devastating thing of your own making,
you have to count yourself among the blessed.

Hope all is well with you.

Dave

Hi guys:

I haven't posted for a while, but I've been keeping a loose eye (or
an eye, loosely) on stuff here. I came through the wernickes pretty
well, but now (three years after leaving recuperative care) I've been
diagnosed with Korsakoff's, or alcohol amnesic disorder...whichever
title you want to use.

I don't drink anymore and haven't since coming out of the WE, but the
damage was done. I just had a neuropsych evaluation two weeks ago and
will get the results on Wednesday. My short-term memory is pretty
good (I'm able to hold down a job, live at home, and work on my novel
manuscript), but sometimes stuff just "blanks" and I forget things.
It's strange. Well, not strange, it just feels strange. With any luck
at all, the neuropsychologist and neurologist will be able to help me
with the memory deficit. Apparently my IQ hasn't fallen, so I think I
can make use of whatever they can teach me--but it'll take me a while
to learn it.

Anyone know if the leg pain is treatable? It hurts to walk. Sometimes
I use a cane, but it doesn't help much with the pain...unless you
count concentrating on the cane as taking my mind off the pain.

I'm not complaining. Given how bad things could have been and/or how
bad they could be, I have a lot to be thankful for.  I just felt like
sharing with someone, and you're still out there, aren't you?

All in all, I feel blessed. The WE is serious stuff and when you come
away with only scratches from a devastating thing of your own making,
you have to count yourself among the blessed.

Hope all is well with you.

Dave

wow - i have so much i want to say. it's like i can't type enough or
fast enough.  Our stories are very similar.  This state to state aid
is riduculous.  I'm so frusted with the whole system.  It's a shame
that our family can't be close to us when they need us the most.  I
spent the weekend with my dad and I really just wanted to say jump
in the car.  We'll figure the rest out later.  BUT then the sensible
side of me says I'm a single mom my main priority has to be my
daughter. What if he left the stove on or a cigarette burning or
wandered away.

I made it to my Dad's before he died.  I got him to the hospital,
just in time.  Just in time for what?  to live his life in a fog w/
no memory away from his family. I sometimes wonder if I did him any
favors.  I know he would not have wanted to live his life there.  I
also know he wouldn't want to "be a burden" to me or my brother.
Just what is the right thing to do.  I feel like he could live on
his own if he had someone to help w/ the memory stuff.  But then
what if he gets worse - I'm right back to square one in a new state
w/ even suckier laws than nc.

My dad can't except the diagnosis either.  He has this vivid memory
of being hit in the head by a man.  He doesn't know who he is & i
think is mad at me for not having the police track this man down.
He asks me every time if his diagnosis has been changed to loss of
memory from being hit.  Heck maybe that started it but everything
i've read about WKS, he has it.  He won't accept it.

You will have to go through the grieving process.  Unless they're in
your shoes its hard for anyone to understand.  Not only losing your
dad = but the terrible disease that had him in the end.  I'm no
counselor but I would think it would be good for your son to see you
cry about losing your dad.  How else will he understand, death &
grief.  You will have to grieve & then move on.  You did the best
you could and you'll have to let go of the guilt.  (I know easier to
say than to do - I think i need a spoonfull of that medicine
myself!)

My dad remembers my daughter.  (I think, at least that's what i'm
chosing to believe)  sometimes i wonder if he just goes along with
it & doesn't really remember.  He's good at that.  We are the only
ones that he really sees from his past.  There's no real memory date
cut off either.  He's lost some things as far back as the 80's - but
not all.  it's spotty.  Anything past about 1995 is completely
gone.

Well - it's late - i'm heading off to bed.  I'm glad we've been able
to talk - sometimes i feel like no one understands but i know you do.

--- In wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com, carrie
buckingham <ibcarrieat@...> wrote:
>
> Lisa,
> Our stories are almost identical. My dad had a chance to recover
after his first episode and subsequent placement in a nursing home
but once he was released, he went right back to his old ways. I
think we were in and out of the hospital and nursing homes for the
next 4 years. His last episode was the worst. He was placed in a
nursing home by adult protective services. It was a relief to me yet
at the same time I felt over whelming guilt. I couldn't move him to
California because he would loose his state aid. Also my mom didn't
want him back here. She was afraid that if he came back here, he
would become OUR problem. So he stayed in Arizona until his death.
The official cause of death was listed as WKS and pneumonia. He
became ill on March 2 and passed away March 22. I didn't make it to
see him before he died. It wasn't until then that I was able to
finally bring him back to California where he belonged. That made me
feel good.
> What other health problems did he have? High blood pressure and
heart disease. At least those are the ones I was aware of. My dad
was a proud, strong man. He never let on to anything. He was
Superman like. Alcohol was his Kryptonite.
> Going through this for so many years, I thought to myself I wish
it would end, but when it did, there was no big sense of relief.
Just sorrow. I don't think I've been allowed to fully grieve yet. My
mom pressures me to be strong for my son. So when I cry, I cry
alone. I hide it.
> Kathy's mom has done well. Maybe men are different. They have a
hard time admitting there's even a problem. My dad would tells us he
had C.R.S. Can't Remember Shit. But he didn't understand why he
couldn't go home. Yet he never tried to leave the facility. In his
past episodes, he would escape every time. They nick named him
Houdini due to his disappearing acts.
> Like your dad, mine was much younger than the other residents. He
be friended the staff and they all loved him.
> If you didn't know my dad, you would think there's nothing wrong
with him. Spend sometime with him and then it become evident. He
would tell some whoppers. So convincing that even I would wonder if
it was really true. He was a master story teller. He had trouble
walking. His hands shook a lot. His muscles were weak. He tried
easily. His voice was raspy. Each time we'd visit, he was just kind
of matter of factly. We would do all the talking. When we'd leave,
he'd tell us thank you for coming. It was like he didn't realize we
just drove 8-10 hours to get there. When we'd come back the
following day, he'd ask when we got there. He'd have no idea we'd
been there the day before. It was things like that which made me
feel better on the inside. Like Dave said WKS patients have no
concept of time nor do they remember if you were there last week,
yesterday or a year ago. There were even times when my dad thought
my son, was my brother. After all the last my dad knew, my son was
only
>  a baby. The saddest thing for me is that this was the only
grandpa my son knew and now he's gone because of alcohol.
> Carrie
>
> Lisa Weaver <landsweaver@...> wrote:
> Yes my Dad was making up crazy stories too.  In the very beginning
he thought the assisted living place was an army ship he was on when
he was in the army.  Then if he saw anything on TV it was his
reality. One day when I went to visit he kept telling me about this
kidnapping that had just happened the police had been there  -- I
realized it was the movie he was watching.  I would always just go
along with him and change the subject.  It's really heart breaking.
He grew out of that stage - thank goodness.
>
>  He's been an alcoholic for as long as i can remember.  He was
only 57 when he got diagnosed with it.  He couldn't walk, sleep,
anything, he was definately on his deathbed.  I thought he had a
brain tumor because of the crazy stories.  After I forced him to go
to the er - they gave the WKS diagnoses.  What the heck is that?
never heard of it, nobody i've ever talked to has ever heard of
it.    From the hospital he got put in assisted living where he's
been since.
>
>  I live in VA & he's in NC, about 4 hours away.
>
>  Now he just has no short term memory - zero.  I don't see any
other symptoms.  did your dad have other symptems?    He'll tell me
the same thing over & over again through out my visit & every time i
see him.  About how he's waking up now starting to come out of it.
He said it feels like he's in a fog.
>
>  Did you find any good doctors or things to help him.  I've had no
luck in that area.  I get the same response that there's really
nothing they can do.  It's really hard for me to think that he'll
live out the rest of his life in that place - he hates it, he says
it's boring.  probably just because he can't have beer!   All the
people there are much older than him - so he doesn't have anything
in common w/ them.  He smokes like a chimney probably 3 packs a
day.  it's all he has now.
>
>  I too am a single mom - i have a 7 year old daughter.  We go down
to visit about every 3 months. We're leaving to go down there
tonight for the weekend.  I think the hardest part of that is that a
few hours after we leave he doesn't even know we were there.
>
>
>  ----- Original Message ----
> From: carrie buckingham <ibcarrieat@...>
> To: wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Friday, June 13, 2008 7:59:44 AM
> Subject: Re: [wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome] Re: Anyone in similar
situation?
>
>   I have to get to work and will write again later.....my dad was
first diagnosed at the beginning of the Iraqi  War. I remember it so
well because while he was going though detox, he become really
unstable and incorporated what was on the TV into his brain. He
began believing he was a Navy fighter pilot. It was frightening. The
doctors told me he was going to die. But he didn't that time. He
went on to put us through hell for the next 4 or 5 years. I'm a
single mom that handled this without the help of my brother. It was
me alone or me and my son. My dad was 800 miles away. It's very
hard, still. I can't believe he's gone. He had spent the last 18
months of his life, living sober in a nursing home. He had finally
tweaked his brain so bad that he was no longer able to care for
himself.
> Where is your dad?
> Carrie
> landsweaver <landsweaver@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>   I'm sorry your father passed away. It will be a hard fathers
day.
> My brother was a huge help & very supportive in the beginning. I
> just don't think he can deal with it & has totally tuned out. Can
I
> ask how long your father had WK?
>
> Even though my dad has had the diagnoses for 3 years i haven't
seen
> any downturn for him. Just specifically NO short term memory.
>
> --- In wernicke-korsakoff_ syndrome@ yahoogroups. com, carrie
> buckingham <ibcarrieat@ ...> wrote:
> >
> > My situation was similar to yours. I'm in California and my dad
> was in Arizona. My brother wanted nothing to do with "it". He
passed
> away March 22, 2008. This is going to be a rough Father's Day.
> > Carrie
> >
> > landsweaver <landsweaver@ ...> wrote:
> hello - My Dad was diagnosed w/ WK & has been in an assisted
living
> > facility in another state for 3 years now. Don't get me started
> on the
> > medicaid laws from state to state. It's sad, sad, sad. I find
> it
> > very hard to deal with. It's me & my brother - but I'm the
> > responsible one, visiting, primary care person. I have huge
guilt
> for
> > not having him live w/ me. Thought it would be helpful to find
> > someone who's going through this too.
> >
>

Yes my Dad was making up crazy stories too.  In the very beginning he thought the assisted living place was an army ship he was on when he was in the army.  Then if he saw anything on TV it was his reality. One day when I went to visit he kept telling me about this kidnapping that had just happened the police had been there  -- I realized it was the movie he was watching.  I would always just go along with him and change the subject.  It's really heart breaking.  He grew out of that stage - thank goodness.

 

He's been an alcoholic for as long as i can remember.  He was only 57 when he got diagnosed with it.  He couldn't walk, sleep, anything, he was definately on his deathbed.  I thought he had a brain tumor because of the crazy stories.  After I forced him to go to the er - they gave the WKS diagnoses.  What the heck is that? never heard of it, nobody i've ever talked to has ever heard of it.    From the hospital he got put in assisted living where he's been since.  

 

I live in VA & he's in NC, about 4 hours away. 

 

Now he just has no short term memory - zero.  I don't see any other symptoms.  did your dad have other symptems?    He'll tell me the same thing over & over again through out my visit & every time i see him.  About how he's waking up now starting to come out of it.  He said it feels like he's in a fog.  

 

Did you find any good doctors or things to help him.  I've had no luck in that area.  I get the same response that there's really nothing they can do.  It's really hard for me to think that he'll live out the rest of his life in that place - he hates it, he says it's boring.  probably just because he can't have beer!   All the people there are much older than him - so he doesn't have anything in common w/ them.  He smokes like a chimney probably 3 packs a day.  it's all he has now. 

 

I too am a single mom - i have a 7 year old daughter.  We go down to visit about every 3 months. We're leaving to go down there tonight for the weekend.  I think the hardest part of that is that a few hours after we leave he doesn't even know we were there.

----- Original Message ----
From: carrie buckingham <ibcarrieat@yahoo.com>
To: wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Friday, June 13, 2008 7:59:44 AM
Subject: Re: [wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome] Re: Anyone in similar situation?

I have to get to work and will write again later.....my dad was first diagnosed at the beginning of the Iraqi  War. I remember it so well because while he was going though detox, he become really unstable and incorporated what was on the TV into his brain. He began believing he was a Navy fighter pilot. It was frightening. The doctors told me he was going to die. But he didn't that time. He went on to put us through hell for the next 4 or 5 years. I'm a single mom that handled this without the help of my brother. It was me alone or me and my son. My dad was 800 miles away. It's very hard, still. I can't believe he's gone. He had spent the last 18 months of his life, living sober in a nursing home. He had finally tweaked his brain so bad that he was no longer able to care for himself.
Where is your dad?
Carrie
landsweaver <landsweaver@ yahoo.com> wrote:

I'm sorry your father passed away. It will be a hard fathers day.
My brother was a huge help & very supportive in the beginning. I
just don't think he can deal with it & has totally tuned out. Can I
ask how long your father had WK?

Even though my dad has had the diagnoses for 3 years i haven't seen
any downturn for him. Just specifically NO short term memory.

--- In wernicke-korsakoff_ syndrome@ yahoogroups. com, carrie
buckingham <ibcarrieat@ ...> wrote:
>
> My situation was similar to yours. I'm in California and my dad
was in Arizona. My brother wanted nothing to do with "it". He passed
away March 22, 2008. This is going to be a rough Father's Day.
> Carrie
>
> landsweaver <landsweaver@ ...> wrote:
hello - My Dad was diagnosed w/ WK & has been in an assisted living
> facility in another state for 3 years now. Don't get me started
on the
> medicaid laws from state to state. It's sad, sad, sad. I find
it
> very hard to deal with. It's me & my brother - but I'm the
> responsible one, visiting, primary care person. I have huge guilt
for
> not having him live w/ me. Thought it would be helpful to find
> someone who's going through this too.
>

My dad also has WKS and has had it since 1986, which would make him
only 42 years old when he was diagnosed. My mom took care of him for
years, and when she passed away back in 02, it became my task to look
after him. He lived with me for several years, and taking care of him
was not easy! I am a parent, and I am lucky to have a very supportive
wife who was able to help divide the duties of dealing with my dad as
well as raising our daughter. My dad eventually had a minor stoke,
which accelerated his dementia. I had a care giver living with us
full time, but that lasted only as long as the money in his 401K,
which was maybe two years. In April of last year, his 401K was
virutally gone, and his WKS and dementia had gotten to the point
where I could not expose my daughter to it on a daily basis anymore.
I moved him into a nursing home last year.

I know where you are coming from with feeling bad about not being
able to take care of him, and him not liking the nursing home. My dad
is now 64, and most of the people in the nursing home are much older
then him as well, and very unresponsive. They tried moving him into
the general population on the first floor, but that didn't last very
long as he had a habit of walking out in the hallway naked yelling
for a nurse because he needed help in the bathroom! He doesn't really
have anyone to talk to where he is in the nursing home, but the staff
continually tell me how great my dad is and how much they all love
him, SO, I guess that he is making friends with someone.

I initially felt guilty about not seeing him as much as I could - I
went from once a week to now maybe once a month, but the bottom line
is that my daughter's needs as well as my own need to come first. The
fact of the matter is, he will not remember that I was there visiting
him, but somewhere in his mind he knows that I do come and visit him.
When you have poor or no short term memory, time raelly does not
exist for you. I use a bit of that as rationalization for not
visiting as much as I could, knowing that for him its only been an
hour since I have seen him, when the reality is that it has been a
month.

Lol sorry to babble on and on, I am just trying to give some
insight on how I deal with the guilt of putting my dad in a home and
not visiting him like I probably should. I still monitor this
newsgroup, and always try to post things here when I think I can be
of help.

Dave

My dad also has WKS and has had it since 1986, which would make him
only 42 years old when he was diagnosed. My mom took care of him for
years, and when she passed away back in 02, it became my task to look
after him. He lived with me for several years, and taking care of him
was not easy! I am a parent, and I am lucky to have a very supportive
wife who was able to help divide the duties of dealing with my dad as
well as raising our daughter. My dad eventually had a minor stoke,
which accelerated his dementia. I had a care giver living with us
full time, but that lasted only as long as the money in his 401K,
which was maybe two years. In April of last year, his 401K was
virutally gone, and his WKS and dementia had gotten to the point
where I could not expose my daughter to it on a daily basis anymore.
I moved him into a nursing home last year.

   I know where you are coming from with feeling bad about not being
able to take care of him, and him not liking the nursing home. My dad
is now 64, and most of the people in the nursing home are much older
then him as well, and very unresponsive. They tried moving him into
the general population on the first floor, but that didn't last very
long as he had a habit of walking out in the hallway naked yelling
for a nurse because he needed help in the bathroom! He doesn't really
have anyone to talk to where he is in the nursing home, but the staff
continually tell me how great my dad is and how much they all love
him, SO, I guess that he is making friends with someone.

   I initially felt guilty about not seeing him as much as I could - I
went from once a week to now maybe once a month, but the bottom line
is that my daughter's needs as well as my own need to come first. The
fact of the matter is, he will not remember that I was there visiting
him, but somewhere in his mind he knows that I do come and visit him.
When you have poor or no short term memory, time raelly does not
exist for you. I use a bit of that as rationalization for not
visiting as much as I could, knowing that for him its only been an
hour since I have seen him, when the reality is that it has been a
month.

   Lol sorry to babble on and on, I am just trying to give some
insight on how I deal with the guilt of putting my dad in a home and
not visiting him like I probably should. I still monitor this
newsgroup, and always try to post things here when I think I can be
of help.

Dave

I'm sorry your father passed away. It will be a hard fathers day.
My brother was a huge help & very supportive in the beginning. I
just don't think he can deal with it & has totally tuned out. Can I
ask how long your father had WK?

Even though my dad has had the diagnoses for 3 years i haven't seen
any downturn for him. Just specifically NO short term memory.

--- In wernicke-korsakoff_syndrome@yahoogroups.com, carrie
buckingham <ibcarrieat@...> wrote:
>
> My situation was similar to yours. I'm in California and my dad
was in Arizona. My brother wanted nothing to do with "it". He passed
away March 22, 2008. This is going to be a rough Father's Day.
> Carrie
>
> landsweaver <landsweaver@...> wrote:
hello - My Dad was diagnosed w/ WK & has been in an assisted living
> facility in another state for 3 years now. Don't get me started
on the
> medicaid laws from state to state. It's sad, sad, sad. I find
it
> very hard to deal with. It's me & my brother - but I'm the
> responsible one, visiting, primary care person. I have huge guilt
for
> not having him live w/ me. Thought it would be helpful to find
> someone who's going through this too.
>