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Trevor & All,
Welcome to the group Elliot.
I had to smile at Trevor's talk of how W/K folks don't hold a grudge. And I really had to smile when he talked about presents.
I haven't posted before because I've still been trying to find our way with my b/f diagnose. My b/f has Organic Brain Syndrome with possible W/K. Thanks to this group and some advice Trevor & Nora gave to another last year when my b/f showed up with this I decided to bring my b/f here to live with me. Like others I had followed all the links and read as much as I could find which wasn't much. The general thought was that all W/K's should be in nursing or group homes. That is what my b/f's family were told but they took him home to live with them. At that time they wouldn't even consider letting him live with me but eventually we convinced them.
At this point we are still trying to get him disability and also some type of medical coverage. We're living on my income which isn't much so getting him the real care he needs to get his final diagnose has been impossible but we will get it. We have lucked into a doctor at a local clinic knowing what W/K is and feels that my b/f probably only has Wernicke's which is good news. And Allen will be going for all day neuropsychologic testing as the state won't approve medicaid til he has that to prove working is impossible for him. Hopefully that will also provide more insight into what is going on in his brain.
Life with Allen has been interesting these last 6 months. As Trevor mentioned there are advantages which often outweigh the bad. Allen does not drink, he doesn't have a taste for it now. He forgets often about things. This morning he went out to the kitchen and found a pan with foil on it. He got upset at his self thinking he'd left out the potatoe salad. He was thrilled when he took the cover off to find it was brownies we'd made just last night. He loves brownies! So like Trevor's Jen many things are new and surprising to him. He's very agreeable when before he would have given me a arguement over soemthing now he's forgotten what we're arguing about half way into the discussion. For us the laughter over silly things more then outweighs any bad times with his disease. Yes at times he gets upset with his self for the forgetfulness and lack of focus but he's learned to accept help with these problems. This is something he would never have done before. Believing his way was the only way of doing something. And he writes lists, many , many lists which of course he forgets about and so writes another list :) He loves his little garden but often has to be reminded to water it. And he can't seem to focus on the fact it needs weeding. So I have to sit with him while he does. Your send him out to the mailbox only to look outside and find him instead checking his garden. He's forgotten what he went outside for :) He knows that he must take his B pills but of course he needs reminding about it.
Funny thing is I find myself having more patience with him now then I did before. There seems to be a calmness inside me now that I understand more. Before when I did not know soemthing was going on inside him there was anger about forgotten meetings or subjects we discussed. I have wondered if the fact that I did not live with Allen before makes a difference in how I feel dealing with this. I didn't live thru years of his drinking. I wonder if I had would I have some of the anger I see in some of the voices here?
I tried Al-Anon when he first moved here but found that the attuide made me only feel I was a bad person for wanting to love a recovering Alcoholic so I stopped going. I do take Allen to AA which was a requirement by his family for allowing him to come live here. But I wonder if he gets anything out of the meetings as he rarely remembers where he was at by the time he comes out of the meeting.
Anyway I didn't mean to write a book here. BTW that is something we are trying to do, is write soemthing about how we met and how we deal with this daily onto a web site. I would like that someday when another woman goes looking for answers on how you live with a mate with this that they can find soemthing more out there besides a few links telling you to put them in a nursing home. When I foudn this list it was the first real hope I had. Watching notes from Nora or Trevor and others gave me hope that folks with W/K can live at home with help. So thanks list.
Marg & Allen
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