((((((Vicki)))))), Love and Prayers to you.

whisperinghope

ngc3377 <ngc3377@...> wrote:

I came into the rooms of NicA in January of this year
because I wanted to be free from nicotine. I have been
sober for a number of years, have total faith in the
12 step programs, so I believed if I could find a 12 step
program for nicotine addicts, I could get and stay free
of nicotine. I made several attempts and stayed off
nicotine for 2 or 3 days and then smoked again. But, then
I became a little more willing and a little more teachable
and I was able (with the help of my HP) to put together
63 days nicotine free. I got angry about something which
I can't even remember today and thought I had to have
nicotine to get through it. I smoked for 2 days, I think,
then quit again and put together 7 days free of nicotine.
I got angry over something somebody did TO me (boo hoo), I
didn't call my sponsor, I didn't write about it, I didn't
use any of the 5 D's, I didn't pray, I didn't read the
serenity prayer or any other prayers, I just went out,
bought a pack of cigs and have been smoking every day
since then. That has been 13 days, today. I am sick
of the way this poison is beginning to make me feel. My
throat is burning, I'm starting to have to clear my throat
more often because of the phlegm, my heart is racing again,
I don't have the energy smoking is supposed to give me (LOL)
I'm not thinking clearer, BUT I am isolating again, buying
room freshners and all kinds of sprays to keep the smell
of smoke from permeating my clothes, my body and apartment again.
I am making myself smoke out the bedroom window because
I told people I quit smoking and I don't want family
members to know I'm smoking again and I'm telling myself
that I am going to quit again very soon AND I'm depressed
as hell. I am definitely feeling the insanity of this addiction.
SO, I'm not setting a quit date because I hope with every
cigarette I put out, it will be my last and I won't buy,
bum, borrow or steal any more. And I do know that Acceptance
is the key to all my problems today, I just have to, have to,
have to, surrender myself to this progam with complete
abandon. I have seen a few people ask for prayers from
the group and things seem to happen when people pray, so
I will be praying for myself and to those of you who pray,
I'm asking that you whisper one for me when you think about it.

Thanks,
Vicki777