Sylvia,
I always get jealous and feel like I lost out when I see people who are
having healthy babies, I cant help but feel that its not fair. I know
Landon is still little and will probably grow out of a lot of his
issues but it's hard. When i think about his birth i cry, i missed out
on holding my baby after he was born, taking him to my room after
delivery, hearing him cry, taking him home, etc. I missed out on a
normal pregnancy, i didnt get to enjoy it like i wanted, i spent the
whole time scared and going to doctor appts 2 x week, worrying how long
it was since i felt him move, worrying that maybe i was being selfish
for bring this disabled child into the world. Wondering if maybe I
should have listened to the docs and terminated, feeling guilty for
even thinking that i made the wrong mistake! I think i'm always going
to feel sad about what I lost out on but then i feel guilty because I
feel like i should be more grateful to have him. No matter what at
least he's here! Thanx for the prayers!!!