I read about one other person when I first came here with a fear of
cigarettes. I feel so embarrassed to be afraid of cigarettes. I
can't stand to walk past someone that is smoking. I will walk way out
around them or if I must pass by my heart pounds and I must hold my
breath. I cannot stand to even touch an unopened pack of cigarettes.
If I go to someone's house and there is an ashtray in it I get nervous
and want to leave, even if it is a clean ashtray. I cannot stand to
even see pictures of cigarettes. Even in chatrooms if someone puts up
a cigarette emoticon it bugs me. My mother smokes and it bothers me
to go to my own mother's house. I hate that I am so afraid of this.
I know there are a lot of very nice smokers and I hate to feel like I
have to avoid them. The cigarettes feel dirty to me and when I see
someone smoking they seem dirty to me. I know that isn't true but in
my mind the smoke itself contaminates them and everything around
them.