Gosh Becki, the time really did seem to fly for reading your posts about your adventures here in the states. Hope to see you in May.  U may have left, I am behind lately

b dalton <beckid42@yahoo.com> wrote:

first of all I too would like to welcome all the newcomers and congratulations to all of those whom have celebrated clean time - I am trying to hop around florida doing things and meeting up with people and getting appointments out of the way and wow, just no time left as I am leaving next week.  Where did all the time go.

Anyways, Sarah - beautiful what you have done for your son.  We all find our way to get through this and that is wonderful that you found your way through to bring peace to your heart.  My daughter had a tatoo put on her back of  her best friend  and her initials on a cross and eyes on each side because they always said to each other that they would always watch each others back.  I love that tatoo.  Others think it is strange looking but wow, if they only knew the meaning.

Anyways, Luanne I am so sorry to hear about what your daughter has done, and you are so desperately searching for what have  YOU done.  Sounds to me like you have been doing everything right, you are staying clean, you are praying, you were supporting her even though you didn't care for the person in her life (I do the same with my daughter), and SHE made the decisionn to walk away.  somehow when I was in my disease I always walked away from the "good" in my life and ran to the "bad".  I saw that pattern in my 4th and 5th step.  I was easily influenced by "evil" per say.  Why?  Because that was who I was and where I felt most comfortable.  It wasn't that others were trying to act "better than", it was just that I always FELT "less than".  So I ran, escaped, signed off.  I have shut people out of my life, my daughter wouldn't talk to me for a long time, I can still tell when things aren't going well for her - she won't answer her phone for weeks.  But then she answers and has an excuse as to why she "couldn't".  THings like the baby threw the phone in the toilet and she had to wait until it dried out - come on  Oh I loved the one where she lost it in the ocean and had to wait for it to wash up.  ha ha ha ha.  Okay that did top the toilet one.  she is finally coming around because she is seeing that the guy has pushed her family out of her life and suddenly she wants that love in her life.  She and her brother wouldn't talk for a few years and now they are working a company together.  So never give up on hope.  I believe in it.  Time is all we need.  My son wouldn't talk to me and I just called about once a month and said, didn't call to talk, just called to say I love you and that was it.  He finally realized that I wasn't being pushy, I just really loved him.  It is hard when we are coming out of active addiction or even when we are tryiing to make amends and then to find out that it isn't all about us anymore, that they are making their own choices and don't want me to be a part of them?  Because they are bad choices and I might judge them?  wow, go figure.  I just love from a distance sometimes and pray.  My kids try to hurt me and yes sometimes it hurts, but I don't let them know.  This was another big thing for me.  They got this great defect of revenge - hmmmmm I wonder where they got that from.  And if they feel hurt in anyway, they are going to pass it on.  I don't ever let them know they hurt me or allow them to see it.  Not until later.  The reason - I need to support my kids in their decisions.  I remember one time my daughter made a choice to go back to the baby's father and I was devestated and realized if I fight with her about it I would lose her and the grandson - If I realized I was powerless over h er decision and love her anyways, and practice my tolerance and all those wonderful things they teach me here - I wouldn't lose her or my grandson and I have to tell you that my daughter gave me the greatest gift a daughter could give a mother this time up here.  She said she loves talking to me today because I don't judge her anymore.  I am the only one that doesn't try to tell her what to do but helps her make a choice by looking at both sides and then supports whatever decision she makes without putting anyone down.  go figure that I came to that.  The program taught me that. 

Anyways, I have rambled on enough,  I just love the trials and tribulations of my kids.  right now I am staying with my son who is cheating on his grilfrined becuase he thinks she is cheating on him - wow, but I sit and don't say anything.  Not my business, not my problem, and if he wants to talk about it - I will be there.

Gotta head to a noon meeting - I need one

Becki

"Lu Anne F." <sapphire@mcmsys.com> wrote:

Dear Family,

Hello to all. Welcome to the new comers and congratulations to all
of those whom have celebrated clean time.

Christy, keep coming back and I hope all is going well for you.

Sarah, what a wonderful way to remember you son.

Yesterday, I walked in the relay for life. I am a cancer survivor of
18 years. I was the first one whose name was called. The survivors
all received a bronze medal, sort of like the ones given during the
Olympics.

As the walk began there was a little girl age 3, who is a cancer
survivor; her and I lead the survivor lap. It was very emotional, it
always is. It is also at the same time very spiritual. It never
fails I am in tears by the time I make the first round. The second
lap is for the survivors, family and caregivers. With all of the
survivors the total years of 333.

My daughter has taken our grandchildren and moved to where my son
lives. Out of the blue she left, no word nothing. Not even kiss my
a… mom. She could not even call my youngest daughter of myself to
let us know. Her boyfriend, if that is what you want to call him (he
has had her arrested twice and she is pregnant) called to tell me, my
husband answered the phone, she is writing me off just like her
brother has. Not to call anymore, the number to her cell is going to
be changed and if I called charges would be pressed.

I am not sure what the he.. happened. I am just praying for her and
the children. She has ripped the grandchildren away from everything
they know and love. Please pray for her and the children and that
she has an easy delivery. She almost died after the last child. She
has already been having difficulties. She is due in November.

I have talked with my youngest child. She and I are hurt deeply, not
to mention my husband. I am not sure why she left out of the blue.

So, I am at letting go and letting God do what I cannot do for
myself. Not many tears, sick of crying every time she does this kind
of stuff; however this is not understood. Her and I had been talking
daily until last Tuesday, then nothing. I was going to go shopping
and get some things for the new baby, to yard sales to buy onesies.
She was all excited I was helping her out. I was also looking for
other baby items.

I am not sure any more about anything with my two oldest children.
My son has not spoke to me in two years, I did call him and left a
message he called back and told me not to call again, would not tell
me why. He even called me by my name, couldn't call me mom. I told
him I hadn't spoke with him in two years and that is when he
said, "You mean you could figure out after two years I wanted nothing
to do with you!" I sat stunned. And now my daughter doing the same
thing. I am even more stunned. And so worried about the grand babies.

I need to close for now the tears are beginning to start and I don't
want to cry any more. My heart is broken….

Love to all,
Lu Anne

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