You're really cute. I wanna get to know you. Here's my profile with many photos
Reach me here.
http://mftrfdh.topcities.com/photos.htm

Is there anyone participating in this group besides me and Tami.
Thankfully she wrote me but I need other's as well. Is this group
running at all or is it simply that noone cares to write to me.

Kyle's mama
jackie

Tami,
Thankyou for writing me. I do appreciate it.I have seen the site and see the
activity and I just don't understand it but it does show me I am right I don't
matter to anyone. Please don't take it personally. If you were not responding I
would just quit this group cause I can tell they are not going to respond to me
after my desperate pleas and frankly I am not suprised. Just to let you know
once I write I delete what I write because if my husband knew what I was saying
he would be furious with me. Thankyou for admitting you can listen because that
is all anyone can do. I am not a big fan of the internet for support because the
whole world can read and noone is in front of you face to face and that is what
I need and I am not talking therapy. I need a real person who is a friend face
to face. If I had both I think I would be a little better. I do live in a rurual
area there is some to do but I also have difficulty seeing boys ages 5-10. It
triggers massive
  panic attacts for me. My surviving son is only 2 and we play and I go to the
gym and he gets to run around a room the size of a gymnasium and then we play at
the house, he eats, naps and plays some more. I get all my exercise at the gym.
That is what I do with my time. Your suggestion was good and I have done some
things in my son's memory. I will be doing more. I have also written some
articles and stories for local newspapers but dealing with the ache and pain and
suffering of the his death is excruiating. The pain is suffocating me. If anyone
understand a little then they are walking in my shoes and I don't wish this on
my worst enemy. The death of anyone in a person's life is painful but the death
of your own child is impossible. Yes, it is hard to lose anyone. I have lost
both my grandmother's whom I was close to and my grandfathers, recently my
stepfather to Parkinson's disease whom I loved dearly and many other's. We are
not sopposed to bury our
  children, it's not normal and noone gets it. The more time that goes by you
just learn more and more to stuff it because noone cares anyone. God forbid
anyone mention his name. Noone bothered on his birthday, I wasn't suprised. As a
rule I know people are selfish and callous and only care about themselves and it
makes me sick. I have always been there for others. Everything I do in my son's
name or not is completly alone. To answer your question No, I have noone to turn
to. I am here because of my surviving son. He is all I have in this world but
you and I both know that a person can't cure an eating disorder. There is no
help and without anyone in person in my life I just stumble through each awful
day alone. I know one thing. There is nothing in life you can control but what
you do to your own body. It's sad. That is why I write and want to start a
program for others in my son's honor and memory because noone should have to
walk this awful awful
  journey of "h****" I am on. Thanks for caring. Your really writing for the
whole group since they are not going to respond to me and that hurts. Cyberspace
doesn't even care.
jackie


----- Original Message ----
From: Tami Miller <tjflowersmiller@...>
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, July 20, 2008 8:11:29 PM
Subject: Re: [The Urge to Purge] I am new to this group anyone there-trigger
death of a child

Jackie,
 
I am here to listen...and I care.  Your pain is severe....I can feel it in your
words.  I can't do much more than listen and let you know that I do care.  I am
not a professional and don't know much what to say.
 
Are you living in a rural area without much around to do?  Do you have ANY one
that you can turn to...friends, family, anyone?  Have you thought about pouring
yourself into something important to you?  (like a foundation to remember
Kyle)? 
 
You need to take care of yourself...you are important to your 2 year old....be
there for him.  Please hang in there....I am thinking about you.
 
Tami



--- On Sun, 7/20/08, jackie <kykysmom@...> wrote:

From: jackie <kykysmom@...>
Subject: [The Urge to Purge] I am new to this group anyone there-trigger death
of a child
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, July 20, 2008, 5:45 PM






My name is Jackie and I am new to the group. I am a very active
bulimic. My buimia has gotten worse after my 5 year old son was
murdered. I restrict, don't eat all day and eat one small meal at
night. I have numerous health problems among which include 3
heartattacts, diabetes now, thyroid low active,hypertensive . I don't
care at all about myself. I have no friends or family that are
involved in my life and I spend all my time with my surviving 2 year
old son. Noone has been here for me since the death of my son and I
recently lost my stepfather to Parkinsons Disease and I had a good
relationship with him. I am completly alone. I am in so much pain I
can't see straight and so lonely I am going to explode. I am in a
miserable marriage, don't work, have Panic Disorer and anxiety
attacts, insomnia, been raped long time ago,. Why can anyone answer
that for me. I hate myself and blame myself for my babies death even
though it wasn't my fault. Kyle turned 10 on the 5 of July. I am an
alcoholic and I turned to the bottle that day and my husband was
livid. We didn't speak the whole weekend. Can't anyone see how much
pain I am in. I think if I hear anyone make any excuses for other's
not knowing what to do I will scream. You either care or you don't.
In our case it is obvious. I take laxatives, exercise 6 days a week,
don't eat, take diet pills and hate everything about myself. I love
my baby and he is all I have in this world. Nobody else cares and
please noone mention god to me. Sorry if this offends anyone but not
only am I a non believer God killed my son. I have heard every
stupid thing in the book and the worst was when someone said to me
why didn't we send him back when we found out he was sick. My son's
are adopted. He is not a car or an old pair of shoes. I am here for
everyone why can't just one person be here for me. I was definitly
right about one thing. I absolutely do not matter to anyone. I am
sorry for introducing myself this way there is so much more but I
think that is enough for now.

Please someone I need to be bombarded with care. NOone has been here
for me and I don't know what to do anymore. There is no help where I
live by the way or support groups or anything so I really am alone
and basically divorced just living in the same house.

jackie
















     

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


------------------------------------

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jackie,
 
Of course, it's me, Tami, again. 
 
I have been a member of this site for about 2 years.  It is active and good at
times and then it has it's dry spells where not many people are on. 
 
I don't know what to tell you.  I have received some good help and feedback here
and have talked to some great people.  I have also received a bunch of junk
mail.
 
You really need a friend...someone who cares.  I will try to be that friend to
you if you let me.  Like I have said many times, I am no professional, I will
listen and care.  I am a mom and I have been in bad times and back, so I can
relate a bit. 
 
Thinking about you,
 
Tami



--- On Sun, 7/20/08, jackie <kykysmom@...> wrote:

From: jackie <kykysmom@...>
Subject: [The Urge to Purge] Is this group basically inactive
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, July 20, 2008, 5:50 PM






Thankyou Tami for writing me but come on guys and gals where in the
world are you. Is anyone in this site. ALso, how do I get messages on
my main message board as they come in, not just from someone sending
to my individual email address. I want to be able to write and recieve
messages on the front if you know what I mean.

jackie


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jackie,
 
I am here to listen...and I care.  Your pain is severe....I can feel it in your
words.  I can't do much more than listen and let you know that I do care.  I am
not a professional and don't know much what to say.
 
Are you living in a rural area without much around to do?  Do you have ANY one
that you can turn to...friends, family, anyone?  Have you thought about pouring
yourself into something important to you?  (like a foundation to remember
Kyle)? 
 
You need to take care of yourself...you are important to your 2 year old....be
there for him.  Please hang in there....I am thinking about you.
 
Tami



--- On Sun, 7/20/08, jackie <kykysmom@...> wrote:

From: jackie <kykysmom@...>
Subject: [The Urge to Purge] I am new to this group anyone there-trigger death
of a child
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, July 20, 2008, 5:45 PM






My name is Jackie and I am new to the group. I am a very active
bulimic. My buimia has gotten worse after my 5 year old son was
murdered. I restrict, don't eat all day and eat one small meal at
night. I have numerous health problems among which include 3
heartattacts, diabetes now, thyroid low active,hypertensive . I don't
care at all about myself. I have no friends or family that are
involved in my life and I spend all my time with my surviving 2 year
old son. Noone has been here for me since the death of my son and I
recently lost my stepfather to Parkinsons Disease and I had a good
relationship with him. I am completly alone. I am in so much pain I
can't see straight and so lonely I am going to explode. I am in a
miserable marriage, don't work, have Panic Disorer and anxiety
attacts, insomnia, been raped long time ago,. Why can anyone answer
that for me. I hate myself and blame myself for my babies death even
though it wasn't my fault. Kyle turned 10 on the 5 of July. I am an
alcoholic and I turned to the bottle that day and my husband was
livid. We didn't speak the whole weekend. Can't anyone see how much
pain I am in. I think if I hear anyone make any excuses for other's
not knowing what to do I will scream. You either care or you don't.
In our case it is obvious. I take laxatives, exercise 6 days a week,
don't eat, take diet pills and hate everything about myself. I love
my baby and he is all I have in this world. Nobody else cares and
please noone mention god to me. Sorry if this offends anyone but not
only am I a non believer God killed my son. I have heard every
stupid thing in the book and the worst was when someone said to me
why didn't we send him back when we found out he was sick. My son's
are adopted. He is not a car or an old pair of shoes. I am here for
everyone why can't just one person be here for me. I was definitly
right about one thing. I absolutely do not matter to anyone. I am
sorry for introducing myself this way there is so much more but I
think that is enough for now.

Please someone I need to be bombarded with care. NOone has been here
for me and I don't know what to do anymore. There is no help where I
live by the way or support groups or anything so I really am alone
and basically divorced just living in the same house.

jackie


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thankyou Tami for writing me but come on guys and gals where in the
world are you. Is anyone in this site. ALso, how do I get messages on
my main message board as they come in, not just from someone sending
to my individual email address. I want to be able to write and recieve
messages on the front if you know what I mean.

jackie

My name is Jackie and I am new to the group. I am a very active
bulimic. My buimia has  gotten worse after my 5 year old son was
murdered. I restrict, don't eat all day and eat one small meal at
night. I have numerous health problems among which include 3
heartattacts, diabetes now, thyroid low active,hypertensive. I don't
care at all about myself. I have no friends or family that are
involved in my life and I spend all my time with my surviving 2 year
old son. Noone has been here for me since the death of my son and I
recently lost my stepfather to Parkinsons Disease and I had a good
relationship with him. I am completly alone. I am in so much pain I
can't see straight and so lonely I am going to explode. I am in a
miserable marriage, don't work, have Panic Disorer and anxiety
attacts, insomnia, been raped long time ago,. Why can anyone answer
that for me. I hate myself and blame myself for my babies death even
though it wasn't my fault. Kyle turned 10 on the 5 of July. I am an
alcoholic and I turned to the bottle  that day and my husband was
livid. We didn't speak the whole weekend. Can't anyone see how much
pain I am in. I think if I hear anyone make any excuses for other's
not knowing what to do I will scream. You either care or you don't.
In our case it is obvious. I take laxatives, exercise 6 days a week,
don't eat, take diet pills and hate everything about myself. I love
my baby and he is all I have in this world. Nobody else cares and
please noone mention god to me. Sorry if this offends anyone but not
only am I a non believer God killed my son. I have heard every
stupid thing in the book and the worst was when someone said to me
why didn't we send him back when we found out he was sick. My son's
are adopted. He is not a car or an old pair of shoes. I am here for
everyone why can't just one person be here for me. I was definitly
right about one thing. I absolutely do not matter to anyone. I am
sorry for introducing myself this way there is so much more but I
think that is enough for now.

Please someone I need to be bombarded with care. NOone has been here
for me and I don't know what to do anymore. There is no help where I
live by the way or support groups or anything so I really am alone
and basically divorced just living in the same house.

jackie

Hi,
I am so so sorry to hear what happened to your son Kyle.  That is terrible...I
can't even begin to imagine what you must go through every day.  I can certainly
see why that would trigger your bulimia.
 
You asked what a partially recovered bulimic is.  While I am no expert, this is
my situation.  I am 41 years old.  I suffered from anorexia and bulimia as a
teenager, from about 15 to 19.  I have always battled with the way I feel about
my body and my desire to stay thin.  I met my current husband at age 23 and
things finally fell into place for me.  Everything was GREAT...we had 4
children, the house, it all.  Then about 4 years ago he had an affair with his
secretary and guess what....big trigger.  It all came flying back.  We mangaged
to put our marriage back together.  A long story I can bore you with if you are
interested.  However, my insecurities still come back to haunt me on occassion
and it triggers the bulimia.  SO, basically, I have episodes about 3 to 4 times
a month.  Not on a regular basis, but it is not beat yet!
 
I will be here if you want to talk.  Anytime.
 
Tami



--- On Sat, 7/19/08, jackie <kykysmom@...> wrote:

From: jackie <kykysmom@...>
Subject: [The Urge to Purge] HI tami
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Date: Saturday, July 19, 2008, 2:02 PM






Thankyou so much for writing me. I have noone to care about me. I am
in a miserable marriage. I have no friends or family for support and
no I do not work outside the home. What is a partially recovered
bulimic? I am in the full throws of it. I am sure you and others know
what I mean. Yes, I have a son that I adopted but that doesn't cure
anything. I am in a miserable marriage , no friends or family and
simply go to therapy for PTSD once a week and grief. Nobody cares, I
am used to that but I thank you for your email.

TRIGGER
MY son was murdered at the age of 5. His name is KYle. He would have
been 10 on JUly 5. I have noone and never have. All I can do is take
this out on myself. Thankyou for caring, I need someone to care about
me for a change.

4ever alone and missing my sweet prince Kyle
jackie


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thankyou so much for writing me. I have noone to care about me. I am
in a miserable marriage. I have no friends or family for support and
no I do not work outside the home. What is a partially recovered
bulimic? I am in the full throws of it. I am sure you and others know
what I mean. Yes, I have a son that I adopted but that doesn't cure
anything. I am in a miserable marriage , no friends or family and
simply go to therapy for PTSD once a week and grief. Nobody cares, I
am used to that but I thank you for your email.

TRIGGER
MY son was murdered at the age of 5. His name is KYle. He would have
been 10 on JUly 5. I have noone and never have. All I can do is take
this out on myself. Thankyou for caring, I need someone to care about
me for a change.

4ever alone and missing my sweet prince Kyle
jackie

HI tAMI,
tHANKYOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR EMAIL. i ACTUALLY JUST SAW IT RIGHT NOW. i HEAR YOU.
sORRY ABOUT THE CAPS. It won't stop. arrgghh. I am happy for you that you have 4
children  and you are in a great marriage now. What is a partially recovered
bulimic? I am in a miserable marriage with someone I cna't stand who is not
supportive and the death of our baby destroyed our marriage even further
although truth be told it was over long before we adopted our little guy. I have
nobody and all I do is exercise. I have had no support since this all began and
a therapist who was in it solely for the money. Thankyou for writing me. I
thought nobody was going to.
Sad mama forever
jackie


----- Original Message ----
From: Tami Miller <tjflowersmiller@...>
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Friday, July 18, 2008 8:05:40 PM
Subject: Re: [The Urge to Purge] Brand new


Hi hun,
 
Wow...you have been through hell and back!  You have to hang in there.  You have
a little guy that is counting on you.  Do you work outside the home?  Do you
have any hobbies, interests or girlfriends to talk to?
 
I am a partially recovered bulimic and mother of 4.  I have had my ups and downs
with relationships but am now in a great marriage and life is going pretty
good.  You have to hang in there for your son AND yourself!  You CAN do it!!
 
Please write back.
 
Tami

--- On Fri, 7/11/08, jackie <kykysmom@verizon. net> wrote:

From: jackie <kykysmom@verizon. net>
Subject: [The Urge to Purge] Brand new
To: theurgetopurge@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Friday, July 11, 2008, 12:37 PM

My name is Jackie. I am bulimic. I have PTSD and my son Kyle was
murdered when he was 5. I have no support for my Eating Disorder. I
exercise 7 days a week, swimming, lifting, running, yoga, cycling etc.
ALl done at a gym. My surviving child is 2. My marriage is awful and I
have no supportive friends or family for anything. I am a restricter
as well. If I eat at all it's one small meal in pm and nothing else. I
purge in different ways. I need some people who can relate to me.

Please help.
Thankyou,
Worthless mama Jackie to angel Kyle with wings of gold and Zach with
pitter patter feet.

I appreciate you all letting me ramble.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi hun,
 
Wow...you have been through hell and back!  You have to hang in there.  You have
a little guy that is counting on you.  Do you work outside the home?  Do you
have any hobbies, interests or girlfriends to talk to?
 
I am a partially recovered bulimic and mother of 4.  I have had my ups and downs
with relationships but am now in a great marriage and life is going pretty
good.  You have to hang in there for your son AND yourself!  You CAN do it!!
 
Please write back.
 
Tami



--- On Fri, 7/11/08, jackie <kykysmom@...> wrote:

From: jackie <kykysmom@...>
Subject: [The Urge to Purge] Brand new
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, July 11, 2008, 12:37 PM






My name is Jackie. I am bulimic. I have PTSD and my son Kyle was
murdered when he was 5. I have no support for my Eating Disorder. I
exercise 7 days a week, swimming, lifting, running, yoga, cycling etc.
ALl done at a gym. My surviving child is 2. My marriage is awful and I
have no supportive friends or family for anything. I am a restricter
as well. If I eat at all it's one small meal in pm and nothing else. I
purge in different ways. I need some people who can relate to me.

Please help.
Thankyou,
Worthless mama Jackie to angel Kyle with wings of gold and Zach with
pitter patter feet.

I appreciate you all letting me ramble.


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Your profile has been added to my personal space! Check my space here:
http://fhfgjsg.zoomshare.com/files/myspace.htm

Did anyone see my message?

jackie

My name is Jackie. I am bulimic. I have PTSD and my son Kyle was
murdered when he was 5. I have no support for my Eating Disorder. I
exercise 7 days a week, swimming, lifting, running, yoga, cycling etc.
ALl done at a gym. My surviving child is 2. My marriage is awful and I
have no supportive friends or family for anything. I am a restricter
as well. If I eat at all it's one small meal in pm and nothing else. I
purge in different ways. I need some people who can relate to me.

Please help.
Thankyou,
Worthless mama Jackie to angel Kyle with wings of gold and Zach with
pitter patter feet.

I appreciate you all letting me ramble.

I am looking to meet some great new friends...i am single, open-minded
and open to Dating . Could you please check my profile out to see
whether we share something similar?
http://6ada.zoomshare.com/files/me.html

Join my friends circle http://6ada.zoomshare.com/files/love.htm

Wow - that would do it for me too.  I hate stress and it always send
me into food or vomiting.  It is not like now I don't think hm vomit
but as you know the more days you stack away form the last one the
easier it gets to say know to the toielt and yes to just keeping
down todays food even it was a mistake.

Bulima is something I feel like it is true one never gets over since
it took so long for me to get absitent form purgining and binging
and I had all kind of treatment, therapy, books etc.  But it is nice
to know it is never too late.  For me I got it for the moment anyway
it can go anytime due to the baby 39 years old I started looking for
help at 16 years old.  Kind of sucks to spend a life like that.  I
mean it had some good learning points.  Well the lil one is here.
Keep in touch.

k.--- In theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com, Tami Miller
<tjflowersmiller@...> wrote:
>
> That is awesome!  You should be incredibly proud of yourself!  I
wish I could get to the point where you are.  Maybe someday.  The
sad thing for me is I once was "mostly" recovered.  I guess
bulimia/anorexia is something you never fully recover from.  It is
always living within you.  Anyway.... I am 41 years old.  I suffered
as a teenager and got married, had babies, etc.  I was really doing
well with very few symptoms from about 24 to 38.  Then my husband
had and affair and my marriage fell apart. THAT threw me into a
major tailspin!  The bulimia has been back ever since and is worse
than ever.  I know I need help, but am too embarrased to admit it.
>
> kcfpml <kcfpml@...> wrote:
>           Hi All,
>
> Nice and sad to see the continual new editons of ED. guests.
>
> For me I had to go on a food plan at first to stop binging. I used
> the Food Addict book by Kay Shepard. It gave me structure, and a
> plan for eating and I ate alot but was skinny so that worked.
>
> Then I would say I went to Overaters Annoymous that helped me talk
> more about the problem. I went alot to the meetings for Anorexic
> and Bulimics. I did that for quite a few years.
>
> The rest has been hit and miss good and bad up and down. I had
lots
> of therapy that helped somewhat. Probably more in the begining.
>
> Lastly I found the more I lived the more the disease died. The
> Eating disorder wants me sort of to stay alone and die. But I
> started going out with people, eating with them, and then I let
food
> become just food and focused on the people and doing things like
> school, jobs, relationships etc. It took alot of time and effort
> but it has worked. Every year it got easier as long as I was doing
> things to learn about recovering. I even once stopped going to the
> gym for about 2 years something I thought would kill me. It was
> shocking to learn you could eat 3 times a day and have snacks and
> not be 300lbs. I always thought if you ate you were fat. I had to
> work on my mind. I was totally out of life in many ways when
> bulimic I was a poor girlfriend, family member, and citzen -. It
> was sickning so I detached my self from the addiction - Food like
an
> alocholic does for a while I gave up sugar and wheat and that
> helped. Now I eat everything more or less. I still want to be
> skinny but it is not my life. I am married with a 1.5 year old
baby
> and my bulima was already decreasing to only a few times a year in
> the past years but luckily I was able to stop when pregnant and
now
> have not returned so the time is adding up 2.5 years 100% purge
> free. Hell it is amazing really but would have been impossible
> without all the help and things I did before.
>
> Well Wish you all some peace with food today, tonight, and
tommorow.
>
> k.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Hi Everyone, I hate to do this, but I'm going off line for a while, I don't
know when I will be back, but hopefully soon! Hubby and I are trying to cut
expenses and unfortunately the Internet is one because It's verizon's
cellphone card for a laptop and it's running us with 2 cellphones $200 a
month just because we live in the country and live 4 miles too far for DSL
and 5 miles too far on the wrong side of town to get cable! We're also
downgrading the TV, and hubby's turning his cellphone off. :(

Things are really tight right now with the cost of everything going up
except for his paycheck...it's almost to the point where I should go and get
a job, but with his crappy schedule I can't get one that is that flexible!

Anyway, if you need me please email me at siera_ana@..., I can check
it with my cellphone but it's limited since it's not a fancy phone like a
blackberry (I wish)...

Stay strong!


Siera-Ana
yahoo - siera_ana
aim - sieraana
www.myspace.com/siera_ana

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I know that I will always have trouble with emotional eating or not eating,
it depends on the circumstances...I've had it since I was 17 and I'm 36 now
and it hasn't gone away...I purge by over-exercising and rarely actual
purging; but you wouldn't know it by my weight I'm still majorly overweight
for my height!


Siera-Ana
yahoo - siera_ana
aim - sieraana
www.myspace.com/siera_ana

____________________________________________________________
FREE 3D MARINE AQUARIUM SCREENSAVER - Watch dolphins, sharks & orcas on your
desktop!
Check it out at http://www.inbox.com/marineaquarium


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

You have 1 new message! Check the new message here:
http://danaeji.zoomshare.com/files/newmessage.htm

Hi how is everybody
Here you can find useful  advices , articles , tips  and programs to
lose some pounds quickly

http://www.tipsweight-loss.com


We're waiting your comments


Thanks

Regards

I will be praying for your strentgh as well. Hang in there.

 
 
LOVE CAST OUT ALL FEAR!
  



----- Original Message ----
From: "herbchick@..." <herbchick@...>
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, May 26, 2008 7:48:43 AM
Subject: RE: [The Urge to Purge] A question


I think they will always be there in some way shape or form! I know I have them
every day! When things go shitty or someone has a rediculous criticism of
me....I want to run and stuff my face and then go barf!

I have gone back to college in hopes of finding a way to help myself as well as
others like me. Idk tho...my life has been major carzy lately! In the last 2
years I have gotten divorced, bought a house, returned to college, and found a
man that I am 99.9% sure I want to spend my life with. In the process I have
gained twenty pounds. :( THAT has me so upset.

My mother is constantly bitching at me about "rushing" into any relationship
(she thinks I should be single forever), my ex-husband tells the kids things
like "your mother has money hidden" or that "your mom has really gotten fat",
one of my sisters insists that I will never have a job in my chosen fields of
study (i am pursuing BS's in psychology and biology, and the prices of
everything from food to gas to toilet paper have soared to hillatious amounts!
At times it feels like the only thing I CAN control is the amount of food I
actually digest!

I have my purging down to about two to three times per week instead of every
day. I have not used Ex-Lax in a week....I have not been hitting it nearly as
hard as I have in the past. I have been really slacking on the working out
and/or walking though.

Let's face it! We are living in depressing times! And it is hard to be
optimistic about any thing much less that we are going to get past this
disgusting problem! I pray everyday for strength.

-----Original Message-----
From: sistah328 <sistah328@yahoo. com>
Sent: Sunday, May 25, 2008 12:06am
To: theurgetopurge@ yahoogroups. com
Subject: [The Urge to Purge] A question

I just have a question that I have been trying to figure out on my own
but I havent gotten an answers and it is just leaving me frustrated
and confused and just numb about the whole thing. I know I dont come
on here very often so I know I really dont have a right to get any
response from any of you but i hope that someone will.

My question is that what do you do when on the inside you still have
times where you want to go and binge and purge because either someone
said something or you felt a certain way or you just wanted to escape
but it has been a year since you have done it but you still have those
urges? Will they ever go away or is it something that will be a
struggle for me forever?






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I think they will always be there in some way shape or form! I know I have them
every day! When things go shitty or someone has a rediculous criticism of
me....I want to run and stuff my face and then go barf!

I have gone back to college in hopes of finding a way to help myself as well as
others like me. Idk tho...my life has been major carzy lately! In the last 2
years I have gotten divorced, bought a house, returned to college, and found a
man that I am 99.9% sure I want to spend my life with. In the process I have
gained twenty pounds. :( THAT has me so upset.

My mother is constantly bitching at me about "rushing" into any relationship
(she thinks I should be single forever), my ex-husband tells the kids things
like "your mother has money hidden" or that "your mom has really gotten fat",
one of my sisters insists that I will never have a job in my chosen fields of
study (i am pursuing BS's in psychology and biology, and the prices of
everything from food to gas to toilet paper have soared to hillatious amounts!
At times it feels like the only thing I CAN control is the amount of food I
actually digest!

I have my purging down to about two to three times per week instead of every
day. I have not used Ex-Lax in a week....I have not been hitting it nearly as
hard as I have in the past. I have been really slacking on the working out
and/or walking though.

Let's face it! We are living in depressing times! And it is hard to be
optimistic about any thing much less that we are going to get past this
disgusting problem! I pray everyday for strength.


-----Original Message-----
From: sistah328 <sistah328@...>
Sent: Sunday, May 25, 2008 12:06am
To: theurgetopurge@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [The Urge to Purge] A question

I just have a question that I have been trying to figure out on my own
but I havent gotten an answers and it is just leaving me frustrated
and confused and just numb about the whole thing. I know I dont come
on here very often so I know I really dont have a right to get any
response from any of you but i hope that someone will.

My question is that what do you do when on the inside you still have
times where you want to go and binge and purge because either someone
said something or you felt a certain way or you just wanted to escape
but it has been a year since you have done it but you still have those
urges? Will they ever go away or is it something that will be a
struggle for me forever?

Yeah for me there is. It just dependson how i am feeling at the time
and what i am eating and for what reasons. but yeah i still get that
still playin in my head and it sucks cause some ppl will never
understand the voices of bulimia and anorexia...

I just have a question that I have been trying to figure out on my own
but I havent gotten an answers and it is just leaving me frustrated
and confused and just numb about the whole thing. I know I dont come
on here very often so I know I really dont have a right to get any
response from any of you but i hope that someone will.

My question is that what do you do when on the inside you still have
times where you want to go and binge and purge because either someone
said something or you felt a certain way or you just wanted to escape
but it has been a year since you have done it but you still have those
urges? Will they ever go away or is it something that will be a
struggle for me forever?

That is awesome!  You should be incredibly proud of yourself!  I wish I could
get to the point where you are.  Maybe someday.  The sad thing for me is I once
was "mostly" recovered.  I guess bulimia/anorexia is something you never fully
recover from.  It is always living within you.  Anyway.... I am 41 years old.  I
suffered as a teenager and got married, had babies, etc.  I was really doing
well with very few symptoms from about 24 to 38.  Then my husband had and affair
and my marriage fell apart. THAT threw me into a major tailspin!  The bulimia
has been back ever since and is worse than ever.  I know I need help, but am too
embarrased to admit it.

kcfpml <kcfpml@...> wrote:
           Hi All,

Nice and sad to see the continual new editons of ED. guests.

For me I had to go on a food plan at first to stop binging. I used
the Food Addict book by Kay Shepard. It gave me structure, and a
plan for eating and I ate alot but was skinny so that worked.

Then I would say I went to Overaters Annoymous that helped me talk
more about the problem. I went alot to the meetings for Anorexic
and Bulimics. I did that for quite a few years.

The rest has been hit and miss good and bad up and down. I had lots
of therapy that helped somewhat. Probably more in the begining.

Lastly I found the more I lived the more the disease died. The
Eating disorder wants me sort of to stay alone and die. But I
started going out with people, eating with them, and then I let food
become just food and focused on the people and doing things like
school, jobs, relationships etc. It took alot of time and effort
but it has worked. Every year it got easier as long as I was doing
things to learn about recovering. I even once stopped going to the
gym for about 2 years something I thought would kill me. It was
shocking to learn you could eat 3 times a day and have snacks and
not be 300lbs. I always thought if you ate you were fat. I had to
work on my mind. I was totally out of life in many ways when
bulimic I was a poor girlfriend, family member, and citzen -. It
was sickning so I detached my self from the addiction - Food like an
alocholic does for a while I gave up sugar and wheat and that
helped. Now I eat everything more or less. I still want to be
skinny but it is not my life. I am married with a 1.5 year old baby
and my bulima was already decreasing to only a few times a year in
the past years but luckily I was able to stop when pregnant and now
have not returned so the time is adding up 2.5 years 100% purge
free. Hell it is amazing really but would have been impossible
without all the help and things I did before.

Well Wish you all some peace with food today, tonight, and tommorow.

k.









[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi All,

Nice and sad to see the continual new editons of ED. guests.

For me I had to go on a food plan at first to stop binging.  I used
the Food Addict book by Kay Shepard.  It gave me structure, and a
plan for eating and I ate alot but was skinny so that worked.

Then I would say I went to Overaters Annoymous that helped me talk
more about the problem.  I went alot to the meetings for Anorexic
and Bulimics.  I did that for quite a few years.

The rest has been hit and miss good and bad up and down.  I had lots
of therapy that helped somewhat.  Probably more in the  begining.

Lastly I found the more I lived the more the disease died.  The
Eating disorder wants me sort of to stay alone and die.  But I
started going out with people, eating with them, and then I let food
become just food and focused on the people and doing things like
school, jobs, relationships etc.  It took alot of time and effort
but it has worked.  Every year it got easier as long as I was doing
things to learn about recovering.  I even once stopped going to the
gym for about 2 years something I thought would kill me.  It was
shocking to learn you could eat 3 times a day and have snacks and
not be 300lbs.  I always thought if you ate you were fat.  I had to
work on my mind.  I was totally out of life in many ways when
bulimic I was a poor girlfriend, family member, and citzen -.  It
was sickning so I detached my self from the addiction - Food like an
alocholic does for a while I gave up sugar and wheat and that
helped.  Now I eat everything more or less.  I still want to be
skinny but it is not my life.  I am married with a 1.5 year old baby
and my bulima was already decreasing to only a few times a year in
the past years but luckily I was able to stop when pregnant and now
have not returned so the time is adding up 2.5 years 100% purge
free.  Hell it is amazing really but would have been impossible
without all the help and things I did before.

Well Wish you all some peace with food today, tonight, and tommorow.

k.

Hi Drew, yes you do make sense...it's like your body and mind are having a
tantrum over accepting the food...have you tried just really small amounts
over a period of time, like you'd feed a baby who's just starting solids? I
notice that if I have been purging too much the best results for not wanting
to purge is small bites and the food has to be soft like applesauce, mashed
potatoes, or even just some plain vanilla ice cream that's been softened a
bit...I also eat with a baby spoon, not toddler spoon to control the size of
the bites; most times a lot of my binges are about the spoon/fork repitition
not the actual quantity of food...so with smaller utensils, it's half the
battle and half the food.


Siera-Ana
yahoo - siera_ana
aim - sieraana
www.myspace.com/siera_ana
   ----------

Hi Drew, yes you do make sense...it's like your body and mind are having a
tantrum over accepting the food...have you tried just really small amounts
over a period of time, like you'd feed a baby who's just starting solids? I
notice that if I have been purging too much the best results for not wanting
to purge is small bites and the food has to be soft like applesauce, mashed
potatoes, or even just some plain vanilla ice cream that's been softened a
bit...I also eat with a baby spoon, not toddler spoon to control the size of
the bites; most times a lot of my binges are about the spoon/fork repetition
not the actual quantity of food...so with smaller utensils, it's half the
battle and half the food.


Siera-Ana
yahoo - siera_ana
aim - sieraana
www.myspace.com/siera_ana

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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Is there an conscious message that plays through your mind when you eat and
have this feeling of HAVING to purge?


Siera-Ana
yahoo - siera_ana
aim - sieraana
www.myspace.com/siera_ana

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