My name is Jackie and I am new to the group. I am a very active
bulimic. My buimia has gotten worse after my 5 year old son was
murdered. I restrict, don't eat all day and eat one small meal at
night. I have numerous health problems among which include 3
heartattacts, diabetes now, thyroid low active,hypertensive. I don't
care at all about myself. I have no friends or family that are
involved in my life and I spend all my time with my surviving 2 year
old son. Noone has been here for me since the death of my son and I
recently lost my stepfather to Parkinsons Disease and I had a good
relationship with him. I am completly alone. I am in so much pain I
can't see straight and so lonely I am going to explode. I am in a
miserable marriage, don't work, have Panic Disorer and anxiety
attacts, insomnia, been raped long time ago,. Why can anyone answer
that for me. I hate myself and blame myself for my babies death even
though it wasn't my fault. Kyle turned 10 on the 5 of July. I am an
alcoholic and I turned to the bottle that day and my husband was
livid. We didn't speak the whole weekend. Can't anyone see how much
pain I am in. I think if I hear anyone make any excuses for other's
not knowing what to do I will scream. You either care or you don't.
In our case it is obvious. I take laxatives, exercise 6 days a week,
don't eat, take diet pills and hate everything about myself. I love
my baby and he is all I have in this world. Nobody else cares and
please noone mention god to me. Sorry if this offends anyone but not
only am I a non believer God killed my son. I have heard every
stupid thing in the book and the worst was when someone said to me
why didn't we send him back when we found out he was sick. My son's
are adopted. He is not a car or an old pair of shoes. I am here for
everyone why can't just one person be here for me. I was definitly
right about one thing. I absolutely do not matter to anyone. I am
sorry for introducing myself this way there is so much more but I
think that is enough for now.

Please someone I need to be bombarded with care. NOone has been here
for me and I don't know what to do anymore. There is no help where I
live by the way or support groups or anything so I really am alone
and basically divorced just living in the same house.

jackie