My story isn't a heartbreaking one to anyone else. But it is to me.
It's a story that I have yet to discover, and I am still trying to
figure out. My parents divorced while I was two, so therefore i dont
remember all the fighting or anything, though my father has retold
me some of the occurances that they went through, having to do with
a belt thrown at him by my mother, that brought tears to my eyes at
the very thought of her hurting my Dad. My Mom kindly and
thoughtfully announced to him the Father's Day after the divorce
that she was moving me to Memphis, TN, where her parents lived. I
was three. Moving away from was the hardest thing for my Dad to go
through, and makes me cry to think about it. I am just like him and
not being able to see him everyday kills me inside. I hate it, he
understands me more than anyone in my family and I love him for it.
If it wasn't for him, I'd be a f-ed up mess. Anyway, my Mom
remarried after a few months of being in Memphis, yes a few months.
Can you guess the type of person she is? So she got remarried, after
she and my Dad broke up again(after dating a little bit). We moved
into a house where they had a son, my half-brother Brent. We moved
again, and this is where all hell broke loose. Their little
arguments turned into big ones, for years. You never really imagine
that it is coming, you never BELiEVE it ever WOULD. Then it came, I
was twelve and just came home to dance practice. I sat down at the
piano, about to start practicing, when my stepdad walked in casually
and asked how my day was. Mom, storming in, says "Why are you
talking to her? Go upstairs, Grace." My life split again. Later I
learned that he had accused her of having an affair, and that he had
been reading both my mom's and my personal emails, just to be a
pervert, and had been addicted to porn for many years. This drowned
me, I'll never be the same. Losing everything, he moved out, but we
are still close. The divorce has ripped my seven year old brother
apart, even though he was only four at the time. While growing up,
my parents' went through countless childsupport issues, going to
court three times to get it lowered (due to the decline of money in
his everchanging jobs he works too hard at. I was hidden from these
issues, until I was old enough to realize and figure out what was
going on. Just recently, this past summer, they went at it again,
because the Tennessee laws have changed, where as before the Dad had
no say so WHAT SO EVER on where the childsupport money went, which
about 90% of the time went into the mother's pocket for their own
support, rather than the childrens. Dad knew this was the case with
my Mom,since she is currently not working, she relies on both my
father's and my ex-stepdad's childsupport checks to survive. And
recently found out that she had been putting accounts in MY name,
and taking money out of them to pay for things, when by law she CAN
do that, if she pays it all back. But since she was using these
accounts for stupid purposes, my Dad was INFURIATED when he found
out and put her ass back in court. Don't get me wrong, I've lived
with and only with my Mother for 13 years now, and I love her, but
her decisions make me want to throw up. Her father abandoned her
when she was two, so her relationships with ANY father figure her
mother later married, was all based around one thing:MONEY. My
father however, wants love and support for me and only that, as well
as a few financial taken care ofs here and there. But to listen to
my Mom's mouth about how he doesn't support me, so why should I
treat him like a father, makes me want to SCREAM. I HATE her for
putting her selfish ways in front of what is really important. I
HATE IT. Ive always been a quiet child, where people don't know the
real me. I didn't know me until a few months ago. I know what I want
to do with life, I want to help other people, like only ONE person
in my life helps me: my Dad. I thank God for him in my life and I
thank God everyday he has given me a strong head that I KNOW what's
right and what's wrong. That I can break the tradition of divorce in
my family once and for all, whether to stay married or to never
marry, to get to know myself, to get to make me happy, something
that is VERY hard to do. It is hard to trust men and boys, I may
never, my stepdad mis-using mine and my Mom's trust with never
joining us for dinner, or my Mom's current boyfriend cheating on
her. I may never marry, I have my Mom to thank for that. But Im not
her, I never will be. Im my own person, and I vow to change my life
as soon as Im on my own. Adios life, Im making a new one. One that
is full of smiles and full of love. I encourage all children of
divorce to do this, no matter how young you are. I am only 15, but I
have a maturity level beyond my years. Im ready to change and make a
difference in this world. I want to start a support group to help
against children witnessing all kinds of divorce of abuse
situations. No matter how little or how big the situations are,
every child matters if they witness something that can and WILL
destroy their life. We're only children, we need to be treated like
it. Don't mature us above our years with your adult problems, it
tears our dreams apart. We don't know what to do, we live very
confused lives.
But I want to invite any children of divorce to help me start this
group, my Dad is a part of a Dad's Support group for childsupport
issues with their exes, and i want to be in my own support group.
This will give us a chance to speak our mind, so we can be noticed.
Clayton Giles did this a few years ago, in 2001, and he is my
inspiration.
"I feel so alive, tonight, and for the rest of my life."

Grace McNatt