hey guys...im 18/f/toronto and i just ventured here while looking
for support groups...i dont even know if im in the right one. but
anyway, i'll be one to admit i have issues. i think its gotten alot
worse now than it has ever been...i see absolutely no point in
living...i loathe it. ok im actually all over the place so i dont
even know where to start or what to say...but just to give an
overview:
Depressed: yes
Suicidal: yes
Attempted it: yes
Smoker: yes...i actually quit for a few months but ive been so
stressed that i just gave in...what does it matter that i might get
lung cancer when i dont even care for living?
Drugs: not an addict but do dab into one in particular
Religion: family is muslim from Pakistan but im atheist
Why am i still around: really i dont know...i live on a day to day
basis...sometimes hourly...i convince myself (and this may seem
pathetic) that the CSI show on tonight is one to watch or that the
sociology lecture will be great so stick around for that...pathetic
isnt it?
Family: from an overview, my family seems all right. but i dont fit
in. nowhere close to it. for one, im atheist which they dont know
about. im a smoker and the occasional speed user and they dont know
that. im depressed, suicidal etc and they choose to overlook that. i
cant agree on almost anythin with my parents or family for that
matter...and i feel overburdened by the fact that i have a 21 year
old autistic brother with the mental capacity of a 3 year old and a
deaf and mute sister for whom i am forever translating.
i think the worse thing is that everyone thinks im the perfect
daughter and my parents just love me because im in a prestigious
university and a law hopeful (they chose that by the way). i mean, i
come home smellin like smoke, and they dont think im a smoker?
well yea that was me rambling.