Hello all. I am Sarah from Oregon and I am 19. I have been depressed
ever since last year when I had to leave for college. Right before
college I had started a new relationship with an ex and I fell madly
in love with him. He asked me to marry him before I left. Of course
I told him yes. Well, days before I hade to leave 6 hours away from
home he tells me he cheated on me. I didn't break up with him
because he told me that this was before he knew he loved me. I guess
I believed him. Well, before I found out he cheated I trusted him
more than anything. Now I can't seem to trust him at all no matter
what. I love him madly but I just can't trust him. H e has lied to
me so many times. Well, I left for college and right away I couldn't
stand it. He moved up there to be with me but couldn't find a job so
he had to move back home. I cried everyday and constantly had
thoughts of him cheating on me again. I had to go home. I had him
come and get me, I just packed up and left. I thought I'd be happier
but it only got worse. I was in debt and I was afraid to talk to my
family. I moved in with my fiance. I was constantly getting mad at
him for small stupid reasons. Eventualy it came to him pushing my
around physically. I did it right back though so I could defend
myself. I hate touching him in a hateluf way. I have stopped and he
has kinda stopped. I don't have the money for counciling or meds. I
feel like I'm getting worse. I'm scared. I have had so many thoughts
of just killing myself and I even started cutting myself. I have cut
my left wrist 8 times now. I need someone to talk to. I need help!

Sarah