I did write a message to Dallas about this, however either I'm being
very impatient and haven't waited long enough or it hasn't worked.
So I'll write another one now.

First of all, you mustn't feel that it is any way your fault, nor
should you feel guilty that you haven't stopped your friend from
having an eating disorder. It is not your fault, it is not your
friends fault either, nobody can be blamed.

Your friend is probably feeling quite mixed up at the moment. It is
important for you to talk to your friend, and let them know that you
are there for them, that they can talk to you and that you will stay
by them whatever happens. When she's telling you about how she
feels, don't interrupt, just sit and listen. It is not your job to
tell them. At this point, I am going to paste the advice given on
somethingfishy.org,because I don't want to advise you to do
something that is not right.

"Be gentle and caring, and be prepared to listen without offering
mounds of advice. You are not the person's therapist, nor should you
pretend to be. Being a good listener means your ears are open and
your mouth is shut, you are not intervening with "yeah, I know what
you mean, that happened to me once when...." - just listen. If they
then finish and ask what your thoughts or opinions are, be honest
and caring.

Don't make the person feel threatened. It is not your job to dictate
what they should and shouldn't do. If this person has finally
decided to talk to you and trust you, cherish it and uphold your
role in holding their confidence.

Be encouraging. The recovery road can be a long and uphill battle,
with pitfalls and setbacks. Don't be disappointed or disapproving
when a sufferer displays signs of falling back, just encourage them
to continue pushing forward. Recovery is not only hard work, but can
be very confusing and painful, be sure to remind them that you
understand this, and that "you cannot always continue to stride
forward without a stumble from time to time. It's okay."

Read as much as you can on the topic of Eating Disorders. The more
you know, the more equipped you will be to offer a helping hand.
Photocopy or print out articles of interest and if time presents
itself share the info with your loved one, but do not overstep your
boundaries. If the person has asked you not to do certain things, or
talk about things, then respect their wishes.

Do not talk about food and weight! Don't continuously ask what the
person has or hasn't eaten, how much weight they have lost, or how
great or bad they look after gaining or losing. This is rude and
very threatening and you cannot win either way. Saying they
look "healthy since you've put on some weight" is heard as "you are
fat," and expressing disappointment or concern in weight loss comes
across as "you're a failure" or "you're a burden." By the same
token, don't be afraid to talk in front of the person about your own
day to day living (such as, "yeah, Fred and I went out for dinner
last night and the steak was so good.") Your stumbling to avoid
topics will be as noticed as your persistence in discussing them.
Don't watch the person "like a hawk" when they are eating, or give
looks when they excuse themselves from a meal or from the table.
Recovery is not easy and does not happen overnight! Be respectful
and courteous and do not try to be The Food Police.

If your loved one is looking for recovery resources try not to let
him/her get discouraged. Unfortunately, there are doctors and
therapists out there that do not know what they are doing, or who do
not recognize Eating Disorders as the serious issue they are. Be
supportive. If you feel it's within your boundaries, offer to help -
find names of local support groups and therapists, and offer to go
with them their first time if they'd like the company. If they are
getting discouraged be patient, supportive and don't push. Recovery
is a very personal choice each sufferer will need to make for him or
herself.

Encourage them to find support in others who share the same
experiences, through support groups, on-line bulletin boards or chat
rooms, or through larger meetings like those of Overeaters
Anonymous. There is a list of national organizations in the Links
and Resources Section which will give you and your loved one a good
place to start.

Don't pretend to understand, if you have never had an Eating
Disorder yourself.... it will sound condescending and ingenuine. You
can be supportive without living with Anorexia, Bulimia or
Compulsive Overeating yourself, and your loved-one will appreciate
that more than you putting on a facade of empathy. The sufferers of
Eating Disorders can do better in their own recovery with a good
support network behind them... consider it this way -- don't we all
do better in life when we know we have people we can count on? Learn
to be a good listener and what "being there" for someone truly
means."

This is me writing again now. Maybe you could offer to exercise with
your friend, to help get fit in a healthy way? Encourage your friend
to eat regularly during the day, but healthily, so that she doesn't
get hunger pangs and then binge and then purge. Make sure you do not
obsess about your own weight in front of her. Encourage her to tell
someone who can help her, maybe a school nurse or her doctor if she
is not ready to tell her family?

Remember, do not blame her or be annoyed with her for having an
eating disorder. It is not her fault. It is not your fault either,
just be there for your friend and don't judge her. She can and will
recover if she is willing to.