Hi, Nicole;
Hang in there, Sweetie. My mom passed away in 2003, having battled
lymphoma for about 2.5 years. YES...it does get better, trust me.
You begin to realize that you can keep your mom alive by the stories
you tell your children about her, the pictures you look at
together... the very lessons and advice that you pass onto your kids
(and follow yourself everyday) that at one point originated with
your Mom's sense of wisdom, sense of humour, love for life ... etc.
For me, these were the things that i kept close to my heart once she
was gone, and in a sence, where they are part of my every day life,
not a moment goes by that I don't feel that she is right here with
me! I know some of this maybe sounds a little bit abstract -- but
give it a go & see! Remember: You are (and indirectly, your
children are) products of your Mom. You will see her every time you
look in the mirror or see your kids smiling back at you. It will be
her smiling, too. :]
Do me a favor (and yourself:) don't leave any stone unturned if your
Mom hasn't much time left.... say all the things you always wanted
her to hear -- MULTIPLE TIMES -- and even think up new things to say
to her. Spend all those extra little minutes with her that you
can ... I didn't, and I wish I had. Talk about stupid, seemingly
unimportant things -- just to know the answers! i.e. favorite
movie, favorite ice cream ... does she like garlic, onions? If not
why? Does heavy metal music scare her or get her pumped-up? Why??
These are possibly the core of discussions you may absolutely
cherish for the rest of your life!!! Get a video camera, and make
videos of Mom with you and your kids in the upcoming weeks. Sure,
you'll have to keep them tucked away for a little while ... 'till
the hurting subsides a bit ... but later on you'll be glad to have
these...very glad.
And remember, also, being a great Mom to your kids will be a
wonderful honour to your own Mother and should make her very, very
proud. After all, your mothering skills are directly connected to
hers, right? This will be the ultimate tribute to her life as a
meaningful part of yours!
I don't know if your Dad is in the picture, but remember: His
genetic code is the other 50% of what makes up YOU, and being around
and communicating with him can be a tremendous reminder of Mom, as
well as a sort of comfort zone.
If Mom is willing (as well as You), talk about what's happening, as
well as what's coming up: One of my brothers lived at home toward
the end of my Mom's fight and they had this talk often. He says it
helped my Mom find peace ... I did not have these talks with her,
and to this day I wish that I had been around for them.
Remember: SAY EVERYTHING NOW!! I did not, and regretfully so. Of
course, after she went to Heaven, I spent a little time trying to
wrap up these "loose ends" with her ... reciting lines to my bedroom
ceiling... thinking she could hear me ... and maybe she could. But
it's not the same as saying the same things to her directly. Trust
me, and don't leave any loose ends.
My mom was 52 whent she left us -- young, too, like your Mom is. I
am 34 now. Yes, it definitely gets much easier, and that 2-part
Heart of yours will fuse back together again -- possibly even
stronger that before. You will require TIME. Sink into the
lushness of the LOVE all around you -- your children, their father
and yours (if these are applicable); your close friends. These
people will help with your repair. As will I; You, your Mom and
your children are in my deepest prayers and thoughts. Look around
you and see other examples of LIFE, and be inspired by these, as
best you can be.
Peace and Love be in your heart,
Christopher

--- In survivingleukemiatogether@yahoogroups.com, "cutie.momma"
<cutie.momma@...> wrote:
>
> My mom (she will be 41 next month) was diagnosed with AML last
> January. She has gone through 5 rounds of chemo. They have
canceled
> 2 bone marrow transplants the day before they started the chemo
and
> radiation. She has now been told there is nothing more they can
do
> for her. She is too weak to do more chemo, which only 2 of the
rounds
> really helped. She is also too weak and has too many cancer cells
to
> do the transplant. She was just told she has 6-8 weeks left. I
am 23
> with 2 small children at home. I feel as if my heart has been
ripped
> out. What do I do? How do I make this hurting not so bad? My
> children keep asking me what's wrong. They are 3 and 1. I tell
them
> that Grandma's really sick and that makes mommy sad. It hurts to
know
> that I just had to change the date of my son's 4th birthday party
> because I want my mom there and that way she should be. It really
> hurts that my daughter turns 2 in 8 weeks and she might not even
be
> here for it. My mom probably will never see the age of 41. Will
it
> ever get better? Will I ever feel whole again? Please help me.
My
> heart is breaking in two. Thanks, Nicole
>