when i see some of the coments posted here i get so angry !!taking
your owne life is the most selfish thing anyone can do, and i say
this because i know! my sister took her life march 3-2007, as soon
as i got the news i rushed to her home, i beat the ambulance , as i
went into her room i could barley move lump in my throat so big i
couldnt swollow, there she was leaned up agnist the wall bullet hole
under her left brest her shirt was burned wher the bullet had went
in the gun lay at the foot of the bed. as i touched her she was so
warm i wanted to snuggle next to her ,she was so warm how could she
be dead she was my littel sister she wouldnt do this it was all
wrong .i was afraid to raise her shirt up afraid of what i would see.
but i didnt have to the emt's came in they pulled her down in the bed
pulled up her shirt, ther it was a small hole burned around the
edgeschared black, no blood i thought this isnt so bad she isnt
really dead, but as they began to do cpr the blood started comming
omg you can't inagine it wasnt just liquid there were clots big huge
dark red almost blackbloos was going every where, i couldnt belive
this was happening they told me it was no use she was dead,but it
just couldnt be she wasnt dead i said try harder please fix her
please don't stop.they said there wasnt anything they could do but,
she was so warm she couldnt be dead when your dead your cold i begged
them to continue, they looked at me with pity and sad faces .i
covered her up , she looked like she was sleeping again my hopes went
up she was just sleeping this wasnt really happening. the police
arrived came into the room they picked up the gun put it in a paper
bag omg i thought this isnt right a went out side her children were
there i couldnt breath and i didnt want to face them . the pain
inside me was greater then anything i have ever known and i didnt
know what to do i didnt know whaat to say.her children had so many
questions questiong i couldnt answer all i could was to be there for
them. after police left i sent the kids away and my dad and i stayed
i dont remember alot i had to clead the bloody mess up it made me
sicki threw up several times ,i dont remember going home and the next
few days were a blur after the funeral i tried to explain to her
children why she would have done such a thing but i really didnt have
the answers one of her daughters was having a baby the next month why
would she not want to be part of that there were so many whys just so
many unanswered questions . questions that will never be answered.
the pain of this flowed around everyone we all felt quilty and we
each had to find peace in our own way. for me i fell into a deep
depression i waited around every night for her i just knew she would
come to me and give me answere , she didnt of course and then i
became angry she didnt just take her own life she took apart of each
of us she riped my heart out i couldnt sleep it was all i could think
about my life has not been the same will never be the same i have
been in therpy for a year now, i went to the cemetery and talked with
my sister i needed to let her know that i would always love her but
this last event of her life i had to put away it was slowely taking
the life from me that seemed to help me alot and i will never be who
i was before this my dad a big man 200lbs plus now weighs 160 he has
had many sleepless night her children are now part of my family and i
think of them as my girls my sister would done that for me....... it
was a selfish thing my sister did i forgive her but it has taken a
long time for me to get here, i spent many days in a dark place and
was not sure at times i would ever come back from that dark
place . so when you are thinking of taking your life think of
what it is going to do to thoose who love you,and would you want to
know that you were the cause of such great pain to them. im sorry
this was so long but i really wanted you to know your last
impression on those could break them into many pieces. ty for taking
time to read this