Joe,

(part 2)

We may want our friends and family to hate us, but
there are those that never will and those are the
people I am alive for. I have to believe something
better is out there and I have to go find it.

Look at the people here in this group. We're all
strangers and yet I get worried when I don't see
people posting and I feel bad when someone's hurting.
Without even trying, people have me caring about them.

Why is it easier to care about other people and tell
them things we can't believe? It's almost like lying.
If I don't believe there's hope, how do I have the
right to tell anyone else there is. It's a crock.

But then again, maybe deep inside I really believe
there is hope and I'm trying to find the mirror so
that when I tell someone else to keep going, they'll
reflect that back at me by going on. Wel,, I tell
myself, if they can keep going, I can too.

> MAYBE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HEAL?

Isn't that an ironic statement? Here we are crying
out for help and yet a part of us wants to stay sick
ands self-hateful. What a war is going on within us.

There are no words that anyone can say that will
change me until I'm ready to let those words in and
thusly change myself.

I believe in peace. I believe there are times when
people say how they feel and how they've learned to
heal that in some way hurts another. We need to help
each other, not fight. I get a little scared when
people say they're leaving the group, especially if
this is their only support. And for what?

I don't expect anyone to apologize all the time, but
things get misinterpreted and one thing leads to
another and...well, you know.

> I LIVE ON A PRAIRIE AND I WAS CURSING THAT WE HAVE
NO SHARP CLIFFS TO ACCIDENTLY DRIVE OFF OF.

See, the problem is what if you go off the cliff and
live? If I'm gonna go, I want to be sure I'm going.

> HOW DO I ACCIDENTLY HOOK UP A HOSE TO THE EXAUST AND
PUT IT IN MY VEHICLE?

I can see how that would be a problem! :-)

When I listen to people here tell me how valuable I am
to them, I know I have a purpose. Isn't it
interesting that we're a group of people that think
we're all useless, yet we are so incredibly important
to each other?

I have heard stories about the power of the word.
People have talked themselves into dying by so
completely believing what they say that it physically
manifests and they die.

Why not us? Because we're too important and we're
needed here.

So listen, I'm gonna stick around for a while and be
bitchy because it's my nature. I have given myself
the name Mr. Crankypants when I get in that mood and
though it isn't always funny, it is always true.

Thanks for listening Joe. It means a lot that I'm not
alone.


Peace,
Gary . . .


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