Hi. I just joined this group. When I was 15 (I'm now 28), my
boyfriend (to whom I was engaged to) decided to committ suicide.
Talk about having to grow up in a hurry. It completely devastated
me. I lost my first true love in the most heart wrenching way. I
didn't see it coming, he showed absolutely no signs of wanting to
die. I miss him so much and think of him often. I felt extremely
guilty when Adam died, and even to this day I still feel a sense of
guilt. I know that it was his decision but it's still difficult to
come to grips with it. I often dreamt that he staged his suicide and
the body that was found wasn't really his. I want to feel him and
see him just one more time. I want to hear him say "I Love You". I
am now married with two children, however, I feel that I cannot love
my husband as much as I should because a big piece of my heart still
belongs to Adam. I don't want to forget him and I feel that if I
come to grips with this then I will forget him. It's a very hard
thing to get over. And honestly I know that I will never get over it.