Hi All. This is actually something my therapist recomended to me. I am
a recovering alcoholic, sober for 11 months so far. I have had the
support of my partner, and 10 months of therapy. I've never been to an
AA meeting or anything like that.

I get cravings, so bad I just curl up into a little ball and cry. It
feels like every day it get harder for me, but somehow I manage. My
partner has had a lot to do with my success so far...he's
understanding, compassionate, very logical and matter of fact. He's
been there when I've been at my worst points and helped me realize why
I don't give in. It is really hard for me to remember that it is a
choice to drink.. My partner and my therapist have been my only
support system through this. I am too ashamed to go to my friends for
help or support...I'm too afraid to loose the few people I have in my
life, or to have them look down on me for this. Now, my partner is
away on vacation for a couple of weeks. That's half of my support
system gone. What do I do when the cravings really get to me? How do I
keep from giving in? I know the location of every bar in the area, the
closest one only being one block away.

I've been sober because I don't like the person I am when I drink. I
know it is unhealthy for me, both physically and psychologically...I
know this but yet I still crave, desire, even lust for a drink even
right now. And I hate myself for feeling this way. I'm such an awful
person. I hurt so bad...and drinking makes that go away for a time. I
don't know how many nights I can spend alone and keep myself sober. I
am at odds with myself. The bars are open until 2am here, and its only
a little after 11pm.

I think I need to remember that sobreity isn't just something one
does, it's a way of life. I've already chosen to be sober, and need to
stand by that decision. I wish I were a stronger person. I wish the
cravings would stop. You'd think that after 11 months, nearly a year
that they would ease up-the old adage "time heals all wounds." So why
doesn't it? Or maybe the trick is it takes much longer before I am
free of my addiction?

Just some thoughts.
Colin.