Sunday November 14, 2004 11:20 am
I've been working so hard on my new consulting job that I've been
mentally exhausted. Took most of yesterday off and lay on the couch
watching VH1 of all things. I didn't want news, I didn't want plot or
drama. Watched this show, The 40 Least Metal Moments. Events in
heavy metal (which I can't stand) music that were very "un-metal."
Like the lead singer of what? Motley Crue did a chicken dance with
polish bamboozles, or Metallica cut their hair, or Celine Dion did a
heavy metal song that was lol ridiculous. So I laughed a good deal
yesterday.

How often in the past had Saturday's been spent on the couch hungover
with booze burning through my viens, facing a 3-day illness-like
recovery. And the remorse, that was the worst of it. So how
completely different yesterday was for me...I was exhausted and taking
a break to take care of myself because I'm working so hard on a job I
like. With all those boozing days, I had no hope that I would ever be
self-sufficient.

My ideals and dreams are slow-cookers. The books I've written are
still very much my children, something I care about intrinsically, but
the burden of depending on my husband financially was weighing on us.
I couldn't bear seeing all these people with all this stuff, nice
cars, nice homes, and nice clothes. I know it's all material stuff,
but I was beginning to wonder where I missed the boat.
We only live here once, and somehow I missed all that frosting. I
always said I didn't care about things and money, but damn, it sure
would make life more comfy.

So, in quitting drinking, and in nurturing the little kid in side me
to come back out and play, I realized that indeed, a few material
things, toys, if you will *are* important. And so I began this
consulting business. It's writing, so I'm in my element. And I don't
have to go anywhere, work right here at my window overlooking the
city. And I can work 18 hours straight if I want to because I like
the escape of that kind of focus. And it's paying off. The company
I'm working for has recognized my skills as valuable and has offered
to keep me as busy as I want to be. I said, "Bring it on!"

So from what I can figure after 4 months, I will pretty much double
our family income in a year. We bought a nice used car, we are moving
to a quieter part of town with a nice big loft apartment, and I'm
going to enjoy life a little more. Like toys for a child. Yeah,
they're not necessary like water and air, but they are important.

It's time to live not just a sober life, but a sober happy life.

drSue