Hi,

Thanks for your email. I'm glad you got a chance to relax over your vacation.
I am also glad to hear that you are implementing some of the ideas that I
mentioned to you. I'm glad they are helping.

I hope you enjoyed the time with your family (and I hope you didn't mind what
culture I asked you were from--I just found it interesting that you were from
another culture). I'm always interested in learning new things from others.
So, no, I don't think you are from some remote island or anything (j/k). I come
from a rather old fashioned upbringing myself, so that is completely
understandable.

I think it's great that you took a risk and struck up a conversation with the
woman on the train. Practicing these things will help your anxiety to
dissipate. I'm quite a chatter when I choose to be.

So what type of medicine do you practice? I started graduate school to become a
counselor but I grew very depressed and had to withdraw. I hope to have the
opportunity to return someday.

Well, I wish you continued success and write soon, I enjoy your emails. It's
so difficult to find someone with whom you can have intelligent discourse
sometimes!

Take care,
Dawn
yes_mee_na <yes_mee_na@...> wrote:
Hi Dawn ,

It was really nice to come back & find your email ! Thanks for your
kind wishes . Had quite a relaxing time .

I went away with my family , so had familiar faces to practice on ,
which cut down alot on the anxiety involved . Can you believe your
advice is doing the trick ???!!! I made a mental note of locking eye-
contact for a solid 30 seconds each time I was conversing. So
instead of my mind fumbling with what NOT TO DO , it was busy with
WHAT TO DO . I guess this kinda gave it a new distractor to keep it
busy . Plus , by setting a definite time ( 30 sec. is longer than it
seems !) , you presented me with a challenge , which I gladly took
on . I hope to increase the allocated time gradually. AND on the
train-ride back home , I deliberately struck up a conversation with
the lady seated next to me , which I would've avoided before , so
progress !!!

You know , while away , I did alot of reading . My mom is a big fan
of Dale Carnegie , so we have books like ; " Stand up , Speak out ,
Talk back ! " , " How to Win Friends & Influence People" & " How to
Stop worrying & Start living " lying around . Although they did not
directly address my problem , reading extracts of these books made
me realize that it's all in the mind & it's up to oneself to take
charge & bring about change ! I felt embarassed for having given in
recently & becoming overwhelmed by my problem . Like I was about to
allow it to victimize me & take control . Not any more !!!!

Honestly can't thank you enough . I'm really excited at the thought
that this may be the begining to the end of my year long dilemma .
I'm so glad we crossed paths !

PS ; I couldn't help smile when you asked about my culture . You
probably think I come from an island or something ! It's a pretty
civilized country , but like the States for example has the wild Los
Vegas community & the extra-conservative Mormons ( did I spell it
right ?) , my country is like that too . My folks chose to bring us
up in an old fashion/kinda religious way . Anyway , let me know if I
misunderstood you . I respect your open-mindedness & ever-giving
soul .


--- In socialanxietydisordersupport@yahoogroups.com, "yes_mee_na"
<yes_mee_na@y...> wrote:
> Hi Dawn ,
>
> Your reply really did make me feel better . I will try out your
> advice . I appreciate your being so sincere & understanding . I
> think it's people like you that make a difference in the world. It
> was also a big comfort to know I'm not alone .
>
> I'll be away on vacation for a week or so , but would like to keep
> in touch too . By the way , I like the meaning of your name . Mine
> is pronounced ( where I come from ) the way I spell it & means a
> scented flower , also known as " Jasmin".
>
> --- In socialanxietydisordersupport@yahoogroups.com, Dawn Muldoon
> <princessdaybreak@y...> wrote:
> > Hi, I can relate to your expeerience...my fixation comes from
OCD
> and I have tried meditation, visualization, positive self-talk and
> distraction. It doesn't always help, but it does serve to relieve
> some of the embarassment and stress associated with this. I'm not
> certain if it's socially or sexually based? It sounds like it's a
> touch of both. I know my social anxiety stems from something
> different than my sexual fixation of OCD. Try telling yourself
that
> you'll maintain eye contact for 30 seconds, then take a break
(e.g.
> busy yourself with something else) then resume eye contact. Keep
> focused on the conversation. When you find yourself fixating,
make
> a cognitive effort to shift your gaze or change the conversation
> topic, ;perhaps it is something cued by conversation. You said
you
> are from another culture? Perhaps you just need to tell yourself
> it's okay to be a sexual being and that will help you overcome
your
> embarssment and help with your fixation. I don't know if any
> > of this has helped you, but if you feel like talking, please
> feel free to email me. I'm on-line frequently.
> >
> > Take care and feel better!
> > Dawn
> >
> > yes_mee_na <yes_mee_na@y...> wrote:
> > Hi , I'd like to tell you of a problem I've had for the last
year
> > now , hoping you can tell me how to banish it. It's really
> affecting
> > my life in many negative ways like ; feeling very uneasy around
> > strangers & being unable to enjoy my time among friends like
> > before . Especially that I had always been an outgoing social
> person
> > before this.
> >
> > I pray that I'm not misunderstood ....... It all began when I
was
> > watching an Anatomy video during a course I was taking ( I am a
> > physician ), and the topic was about the male reproductive
organ .
> > It was too descriptive & illustrated beyond anything I had ever
> been
> > exposed too . Unluckily , a male colleague came up from behind
me
> in
> > the middle of it , wanting to ask me a question . Instead of
> looking
> > to his face , my gaze involuntarily got directed to his organ !!
> You
> > could imagine the utter suprise/horror on his face . He actually
> > paniced & took a step back!! Anyway , this caused me great
> > embarrassment & distress . Further more created a vicious cycle
> that
> > I have been unable to break for 13 months now !!
> >
> > Everytime I think of talking to a guy , I'm so fixated on the
> > thought that " I will not look at his organ " that that is
> > immediately the 1st thing my eyes fall upon . Of course it has
> > created alot of embarrassment on both sides of any
conversation .
> It
> > had even extended to female breasts !! You can imagine the weird
> > looks I got & unease I create with anyone talking to me . I have
> > tried everything from praying to talking to myself to fixating
my
> > gaze away from the person & I end up looking as if I'm talking
to
> > the person's shadow !!!! Now , I'm at a point where I avoid
> talking
> > to people all together unless I really have to & even so , keep
it
> > very short . Ofcourse , during work , I manage to seem busy
while
> > talking to a patient or discussing a problem with a colleague ,
so
> > that I don't have to hold a steady gaze , but it's badly
affecting
> > my doctor-patient relationships & creating bad morale among my
> > colleagues , all who interpret my action as that I don't care
> enough
> > to establish eye-contact & give them more of my attention.
> >
> > Lately , I managed to go from gazing at people's organs to just
> > looking momentarily into their eyes then looking away , then
back
> at
> > their eyes then away again . And I carry this on through the
whole
> > conversation so that I don't have to hold a gaze in fear it
might
> > wander down to unwelcomed areas !
> >
> > I'm really suffering from this & hope you can tell me of a way
to
> > break the cycle . It would really put a smile back on my face &
> have
> > me among people enjoying myself like I once-upon-a time
> did .Thanks.
> >
> > PS ; I had got married recently ( a prearranged marriage ) &
> thought
> > that this might help relieve any sexual tension that may have
been
> > causing this . ( I was a virgin till 25 yrs because as you
> might've
> > guessed , I come from a very conservative culture ). Anyway , it
> > didn't help at all . The problem still persists .
> >
> >
> >
> >
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