Hi, I can relate to your expeerience...my fixation comes from OCD and I have
tried meditation, visualization, positive self-talk and distraction. It doesn't
always help, but it does serve to relieve some of the embarassment and stress
associated with this. I'm not certain if it's socially or sexually based? It
sounds like it's a touch of both. I know my social anxiety stems from something
different than my sexual fixation of OCD. Try telling yourself that you'll
maintain eye contact for 30 seconds, then take a break (e.g. busy yourself with
something else) then resume eye contact. Keep focused on the conversation.
When you find yourself fixating, make a cognitive effort to shift your gaze or
change the conversation topic, ;perhaps it is something cued by conversation.
You said you are from another culture? Perhaps you just need to tell yourself
it's okay to be a sexual being and that will help you overcome your embarssment
and help with your fixation. I don't know if any
of this has helped you, but if you feel like talking, please feel free to
email me. I'm on-line frequently.

Take care and feel better!
Dawn

yes_mee_na <yes_mee_na@...> wrote:
Hi , I'd like to tell you of a problem I've had for the last year
now , hoping you can tell me how to banish it. It's really affecting
my life in many negative ways like ; feeling very uneasy around
strangers & being unable to enjoy my time among friends like
before . Especially that I had always been an outgoing social person
before this.

I pray that I'm not misunderstood ....... It all began when I was
watching an Anatomy video during a course I was taking ( I am a
physician ), and the topic was about the male reproductive organ .
It was too descriptive & illustrated beyond anything I had ever been
exposed too . Unluckily , a male colleague came up from behind me in
the middle of it , wanting to ask me a question . Instead of looking
to his face , my gaze involuntarily got directed to his organ !! You
could imagine the utter suprise/horror on his face . He actually
paniced & took a step back!! Anyway , this caused me great
embarrassment & distress . Further more created a vicious cycle that
I have been unable to break for 13 months now !!

Everytime I think of talking to a guy , I'm so fixated on the
thought that " I will not look at his organ " that that is
immediately the 1st thing my eyes fall upon . Of course it has
created alot of embarrassment on both sides of any conversation . It
had even extended to female breasts !! You can imagine the weird
looks I got & unease I create with anyone talking to me . I have
tried everything from praying to talking to myself to fixating my
gaze away from the person & I end up looking as if I'm talking to
the person's shadow !!!! Now , I'm at a point where I avoid talking
to people all together unless I really have to & even so , keep it
very short . Ofcourse , during work , I manage to seem busy while
talking to a patient or discussing a problem with a colleague , so
that I don't have to hold a steady gaze , but it's badly affecting
my doctor-patient relationships & creating bad morale among my
colleagues , all who interpret my action as that I don't care enough
to establish eye-contact & give them more of my attention.

Lately , I managed to go from gazing at people's organs to just
looking momentarily into their eyes then looking away , then back at
their eyes then away again . And I carry this on through the whole
conversation so that I don't have to hold a gaze in fear it might
wander down to unwelcomed areas !

I'm really suffering from this & hope you can tell me of a way to
break the cycle . It would really put a smile back on my face & have
me among people enjoying myself like I once-upon-a time did .Thanks.

PS ; I had got married recently ( a prearranged marriage ) & thought
that this might help relieve any sexual tension that may have been
causing this . ( I was a virgin till 25 yrs because as you might've
guessed , I come from a very conservative culture ). Anyway , it
didn't help at all . The problem still persists .




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