Hello Deanna,

I am glad you have posted. I hope you will post more as you journey on the road
of grief. Now when I see a woman I wonder “did she lose a baby too”. Also
when I hear of someone passing my first thought goes to their parent’s. No
matter how old/young that person was my heart automatically hurts for the
grieving parent.

After Nathaniel passed away I found out that so many people I knew had also lost
a baby. People I've known for years and never would have known. For me I was
bitter learning this because I felt that if I'd known pregnancy/newborn loss was
sooo common perhaps I would not have fallen in love with my son as much. I know
this is not true. I would have fallen in love no matter what. I also have come
to understand and respect why so many moms are silent when they lose a baby. As
time goes on, it is harder and harder to talk about my son and open up my
emotions too so many people. I feel like my grief is so private. I continue to
talk in hopes that it will help another mother, yet I do take the time to care
for myself as well.


I understand being bitter. I was bitter for a long time. As time goes on
hopefully you will let go of the bitterness. Be patient with yourself and never
be ashamed of whatever emotions you are feeling. It is your truth.

-Hugs,

Adrianne


--- On Tue, 8/12/08, Deanna <todeannalynn@...> wrote:

From: Deanna <todeannalynn@...>
Subject: [SHARE Atlanta Preg. & Newborn Loss Grief Support] Re: Bitter Sweet
To: shareatlantasupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, August 12, 2008, 10:11 AM






Hello,

Although I joined this group a while ago this is my first post.

Tomorrow is the first anniversary of the positive pregnancy test that
resulted in a nightmare instead of a baby. That was a happy day
though. I remember taking a walk with my husband right after the
test and we held hands as we strolled through our neighborhood. So
sweet! For the next couple of months I would get choked up seeing
any person as I thought "You have a Mother!" Old, young, homeless,
driving in nice cars, it didn't matter, I viewed everyone with such
tenderness.

Thanks for asking this question, it's so nice to remember the sweet
parts of pregnancy. As for the bitter part, that's ME almost all of
the time!