Hi to all of our new members!

My name is Crystal and this is my story.

The first time I suspected I was pregnant, I was right. I had just
gotten married at 18 and we were not trying. I was also taking birth
control pills but they failed. For six and 1/2 glorious weeks, I had
a secret. My world came crashing down when I found out I m/c'ed. I
never stopped bleeding and started getting very sick. Finally, a few
months later I was told that I had a bloodclot the size of a
grapefruit attached to my left ovary at the opening of my left
fallopian tube. When they biopsied it, the doctor found the remains
of what had been my baby. I thank God every day that the tube did
not rupture. Sadly, I was told my chances for having a baby were cut
in half after they removed my "strong" tube and ovary (whatever that
means). Six months later, still on birth control, my husband and I
unexpectedly conceived again. I was overjoyed, especially when I
found out it was twins! It was not to be either...

My joy was very short lived. I had known I was pregnant for two
weeks when I started cramping and spotting. Terrified I went to the
ER and was told I had lost one baby. By the time the ultrasound was
performed, I was bleeding bright red and had passed the first twin
but there was still hope for the second... A week and a half later,
I passed my second twin with very little fuss at my grandmother's
house. I felt like I was just the most horrible person in the
world. I had lost 3 babies in a year! After a few months of
abstaining, my husband and I decided we were going to start trying to
have a baby. Nothing happened for close to three years. I went to a
RE and was told, "You will never conceive and if you do, never carry
to term." I was heartbroken. Imagine being told this four days
before my 22nd birthday. I had always longed for children. I even
tried to make my dear sweet husband divorce me so he could have a
baby, even if I couldn't.

A year to the day that I was given that diagnosis, I conceived my
darling little CJ. He started to make his presence known in a
powerful way from the very start. At 11 weeks, I went for my first ob
appointment and saw/heard the most breathtaking sound- my baby's
heartbeat. Everything was going perfectly and at 22 weeks, I saw my
precious boy, in all his glory. I was in love totally and
completely! This was July 1st. On July 15th, my world crashed down
yet again... I had taken a bath and got up feeling pressure down
below. I thought I had to use the bathroom so I sat down and felt
something slimy. It was my water bag protruding. I screamed and my
husband and mother-in-law rushed me to the nearest hospital. I was
put in Trendenberg (I think the spelling is right) for three days. I
was too far dilated for an emergency cerclage. My precious boy was
born on July 18th, at 10:51a.m. and lived for 3 and 1/2 hours. He was
beautiful and perfect, just needing a little breathing help. The
doctors gave up. I left the hospital the following day, numb and
shattered. I was so beside myself with grief that I never thought I
would ever smile again. I found ShareAtlanta the day after my son's
funeral.

Through my grieving process, I wavered between wanting children and
not wanting to put myself through it again... Three pregnancies and
no living babies... I was still debating when six months after CJ
died, I got pregnant with my dear little girl Hope. She was born,
with help from a cervical cerclage, at 37weeks,4days. She weighed 6
lbs, 2.8oz and was 19 and 1/2 inches long. I can't believe that she
will be two this year.

However my story still does not end: *Please bear with me*
I lost a baby last year due to a subchorionic hematoma at 9weeks. I
am currently 11 weeks pregnant again, having a cerclage placed in a
few weeks. So to take my LONG story and sum it up- Would I do this
all again? To have my daughter with me and to have the honor of
being the mommy to five angels...sure! I want all of the new members
to know that we "veterans" know what you are going through and there
is always *HOPE* for the future... We are here if you need us!

Crystal