Thanks for your support, it helps,
Victoria

iritdror <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
We are dealing with SM of our daughter since she was 3. We used play
therapy when she was 4 for 6 month. She liked the therapist, and
started to talk to her after 3 month, but refuse to talk with her
about school situations. After 6 month she started to whisper to the
teacher, and it was a big progress. We started to bring friends from
school to play dates at out house as often as possible. At home she
learned to talk to them. We also figured out that she talk more in
the playground then in the class, so every day I spent an hour after
school with her in the school playground, there were always other
kids there. In the end of last year she was talking with the
teachers but didn't admit it. She said she is whispering hard.
My point is that you have to observe your child and try to use her
strong points and go with her. We made huge progress with her, but
she is still different. She needs more time in new situations, and
don't talk to kids parents or new kids. We hope we are on the way
out of it. Cheer up and be patient. Irit

--- In selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com, "Victoria
Johanet, MSEd" <victoriajo23@y...> wrote:
> Hi, I read your email and can totally relate to your story.
> I find that dealing with my own husband is frustrating. I started
taking her to a child psycologist who is an expert on SM.  My
husband is opposed to this because he thinks there is nothing wrong
with her.  Thats because he sees how talkative and normal she is at
home.  He doesnt see her in preschool or birthday parties the way I
do.
> It's frustrating to deal with her problems all on my own.  But I
am going to continue to get her the help she needs.  She is in her
last year of preschool (4 years) and I want her well for
kindergarten.  That is my goal
> Good Luck with your daughter
> Victoria
>
> megjosetti <mjosetti@m...> wrote:
> Hi everyone
>
> I am almost in tears because I have found this support group.  My
> daughter is 5 1/2.  I always said that she turned my world upside
> down when she was born.  She was colicky and never wanted to
sleep.
> I could go on and on telling the background but my point is that I
> always protected and catered to her needs and kept her in a very
> safe environment so the signs of SM were not as apparent to me
until
> last year when she started preschool (even though I think the
> tendancy was always there)  We moved and she was not happy about
> that and when she started preschool she never spoke.  She only
> attended for 2 months when we moved again (my husband and I
> seperated for a short time.)  I decided not to put her in a new
> preschool and I devoted the spring/summer to getting our family
back
> together and we started to meet neighbors and I was seeing
progress.
> Amanda was playing with the neighbors but took a couple months
> before she started talking to them.  Her preschool teacher told me
> about SM and then I took her for her yearly check up and the
Doctor
> also felt that there was a problem.  With the stress in our family
> this past year I still thought I could fix the situation myself.
> Our family was back together and she had her Dad back who she was
> very close to.  I did not research SM this summer as much as I now
> realize I should have but when school started 2 weeks ago I knew
our
> problems where not over.  Which brings me to my present situation
> and request for advice.  Amanda has been in school for 2 weeks and
> has not spoken to the teacher or the kids.  I have been in
constant
> contact with the teacher and have forwarded extensive info on SM.
> She has not responded to the info and in my opinion is handling my
> daughter as a child with a behaviour problem - sort of like the
> stronger person will win.  She has no idea that she will not win
the
> battle and she will negatively affect my daghter in the process.
> This week when I picked my daughter up one day she was not out at
> pick up. Another teacher told me that the teacher had kept her
back
> to "work" with her.  about 5 minutes later out comes my daughter
> with the teacher and my daughter was sobbing uncontrollably.  As a
> mother I knew the crying had been going on for some time.  The
> teacher told me she was trying to get Amanda to put her papers in
> her bag - this is a major issue with the teacher.  I was upset but
> am trying to work with the system.  I told the teacher I was
> thrilled she would spend indivual time with my daughter but in
that
> context she was doing more harm than good.  She did not keep her
> back again.  I have had two school parents address me today with
> concerns for Amanda, worried that she might not be in the right
> class.  Then when I dropped her off another little girl pointed to
> my daughter and said "she's a gumpy butt", the teacher's assistant
> did nothing and another parent reprimanded the child.  I was
finally
> angry and after dropping my son off at preschool I called the
school
> and said I was on my way to speak to the principal and if she was
> not available that they should have my daughter in the office
> because I was taking her home.  The principal was there and
> waiting.  She had never heard of SM (even though I sent info in
and
> the principal has been monitoring the situation.  She felt that
the
> teacher was not convinced that Amanda had this condition.  She
stood
> by her teacher as being the best of the three teachers to deal
with
> Amanda and scheduled a "Team Meeting" for monday with me, the
> teacher, the principal, school councelor and school psycologist.
> Not only do I feel outnumbered but my husband will be out of town
so
> cannot be there.  I also find it amazing that after a child has
> stood motionless in the class room for two weeks without an ounce
of
> progress that the school would not be calling me.  In addition
they
> have "assigned" another little girl to help with Amanda and
> encourage her.  Is this fair to a 5 year old just starting school
> herself?  luckily I have met the little girls parents, ironically
> they are both psycologists and run a group home - we have gotten
the
> girls together to play and although Amanda has not spoken to them
> she played great and they were wonderful.  Any words of advice in
> dealin with the school.  I want to make a difference for my
dughter
> and any future child at this school that may have this problem.  I
> also have not found a therapist in the area that is familiar with
> SM - I live in Delaware.  In closing, I am sure this sounds
familiar
> but when in a comfortable environment my daughter is outgoing,
> funloving, mature and very bright.  It is so hard to see a child
> with so much potential suffering with this anxiety.  How can this
> town and this school district not know about this problem.  There
is
> a downs syndrome boy in the class that they are accomidating yet
the
> principal told me that they are not equipped to deal with my
> dughters problem.  Sorry this was so long but I have 5 1/2 years
of
> dealing with this alone so I am spilling my guts.  I look forward
to
> responses
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thanks Sherry for the kind and encouraging words.
  I have great hope that she will come out of this eventually.  She has already
made improvements from last year.  Last year she spoke to no outsider even in
her own home.  This year she will speak to children who come to our house, but
not in school.  Her psychologist is recommending starting her on medication to
help the behavioral intervention.  This makes me a bit uneasy and my husband
completely flipped out; that's one of the reasons he is so against me taking her
to see Dr. Kurtz.  I discussed this with a psychologist friend who advocated the
medication.  Did your daughter ever take meds?
I feel that I am making huge decisions on my own, without my husband's approval
and it makes me feel guilty.  I hate to feel like I am going behind his back,
but on the other hand, he does not support or understand the diagnosis despite
the fact that he came with me to talk to the doctor on consultation.
If the intervention doesnt work, I will feel like I wasted money and went
against my husband.  On the other hand, if I dont do it, I will never forgive
myself for not doing more to help her.
Only Moms of SM kids understand.
Thanks for sharing,
Victoria

Sherry Heckman <sherryheckman@...> wrote:
Hello Victoria,

Again, I don't respond much to this group, but your situation hits home as
well, so I thought I should respond.  I understand your situation.  My
husband had no understanding my daughter's SM either.  It is a completely
heartbreaking feeling.  I wonder if you feel like I did, and think that he
thinks you are making this all up or overreacting to the situation.  I was
completely alone for a very long time in dealing with Kayla's SM.  I can
remember the time in kindergarten, when I first got the term SM from the
school psychologist and my daughter's possible diagnosis and starting
researching it on my own.  I went to my in-laws that day and told them I
finally had answers as to what was wrong with my daughter, and my mother in
law said "I didn't know there was anything wrong with her" in a very
sarcastic voice.  I completely lost it and started yelling at her
saying....no one believes there is a thing wrong with this child, not you,
her father or anyone.  I explained to her that she was suffering terribly in
school and could not interact or speak with any of the children.  This was a
turning point in her understanding, but it still took longer for her to see
the things I did.  For my husband, it took someone else, her kindergarten
teacher and the school psychologist to state what they were seeing in my
daughter, for him to finally start to understand.  The complete understand
came when we consulted with Dr. Shipon-Blum and he got to hear from her how
typical my daughter's behavior and actions were compared to other children
she had treated with SM.  It finally helped him realize this was a real
disorder and issue we needed to deal with.  That may be what you need.  If
you have an opportunity to set up a meeting with the preschool teacher and
can make sure your husband attends, explain to the teacher before hand that
your husband does not see the issue at hand.  Maybe then, he will see it in
a different light.  I also think it is harder for men to accept the fact
that something could be wrong with their child.   I am not sure of the
reason for this though.

Just continue to do the best you can for your daughter.  I am sure you
understand that SM is not something a child can overcome over night.  It
sounds as though you are doing well in preparing her for kindergarten.  Just
make sure you start the transition process in the spring to her new school.
Take her to the school several times over the summer and visit her classroom
as much as you can.  Also allow her to meet her new teacher and spend a
little time with her, before school starts.  If your daughter is not as far
along in her progress as you would like her to be by the end of this school
year, just keep hanging in there and continue to be understanding and
supportive.  It is very hard to not get frustrated ourselves with the very
slow progress our children make.  But just try to keep the positive focus.
Those baby steps usually lead to bigger steps down the road.

To give you a ray of hope, my daughter is now in 4th grade.  She is very
social with her many friends, but still has some struggles in the classroom.
Everyone in the school is very understanding of her, because of my advocacy
I have done on her behalf, in the school.  Last spring, she decided she
wanted to sign up for cheerleading in the fall.  I was completely shocked by
this, but decided that if she wanted to do this, I was not going to take
that experience and opportunity away from her.  About one month ago,
cheerleading practice started up and she was on the team.  She absolutely
loved it, but also struggled at practice.  I continued to take her because
she wanted to be a part of it, and her coach was very understanding of her
and did not push her.  The first game was last week, and she could not
perform.  She stood with the group through the entire game not doing a
thing.  As much as it broke my heart, I was so proud that she had come this
far in wanted to do this.  She did decide that she wanted to quit after the
game, so after a long talk, my husband decided to let her give it up.  It
really hurt him, more then me to watch her just stand there (you could say I
have more conditioning to her situation then him).  I would have liked her
to stick it out, for at least one more game, to see if it would get easier
for her, but he already gave her the okay to quit.  As disappointed as I am
in the fact that she could not do this, I have to look at in another way.
Three years ago, she would have never attempted to take on such a big step
like cheerleading.  Just one more step forward in her ability to grow as a
person.  Had I not let her try cheerleading, I would had held her back from
experiencing life in a new way.  She did come home on Monday from school, as
ask for me to sign her up for basketball.  That was too much for me though.
I should let her try it, but I told her maybe next year she could do it.  So
now we signed her up for music lessons at school to learn how to play the
flute.  I thought that might be more her speed, then basketball would be.
So remember....there is great hope down the road for your daughter to
flourish, even if it is at a much slower pace then other children.
Appreciate each tiny step forward.

Take care Victoria.

Sherry

13, 2003 8:58 AM
To: selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [Selective Mutism Support Group] Help fpr my daughter


   Hi, I read your email and can totally relate to your story.
   I find that dealing with my own husband is frustrating. I started taking
her to a child psycologist who is an expert on SM.  My husband is opposed to
this because he thinks there is nothing wrong with her.  Thats because he
sees how talkative and normal she is at home.  He doesnt see her in
preschool or birthday parties the way I do.
   It's frustrating to deal with her problems all on my own.  But I am going
to continue to get her the help she needs.  She is in her last year of
preschool (4 years) and I want her well for kindergarten.  That is my goal
   Good Luck with your daughter
   Victoria



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello Victoria,

Again, I don't respond much to this group, but your situation hits home as
well, so I thought I should respond.  I understand your situation.  My
husband had no understanding my daughter's SM either.  It is a completely
heartbreaking feeling.  I wonder if you feel like I did, and think that he
thinks you are making this all up or overreacting to the situation.  I was
completely alone for a very long time in dealing with Kayla's SM.  I can
remember the time in kindergarten, when I first got the term SM from the
school psychologist and my daughter's possible diagnosis and starting
researching it on my own.  I went to my in-laws that day and told them I
finally had answers as to what was wrong with my daughter, and my mother in
law said "I didn't know there was anything wrong with her" in a very
sarcastic voice.  I completely lost it and started yelling at her
saying....no one believes there is a thing wrong with this child, not you,
her father or anyone.  I explained to her that she was suffering terribly in
school and could not interact or speak with any of the children.  This was a
turning point in her understanding, but it still took longer for her to see
the things I did.  For my husband, it took someone else, her kindergarten
teacher and the school psychologist to state what they were seeing in my
daughter, for him to finally start to understand.  The complete understand
came when we consulted with Dr. Shipon-Blum and he got to hear from her how
typical my daughter's behavior and actions were compared to other children
she had treated with SM.  It finally helped him realize this was a real
disorder and issue we needed to deal with.  That may be what you need.  If
you have an opportunity to set up a meeting with the preschool teacher and
can make sure your husband attends, explain to the teacher before hand that
your husband does not see the issue at hand.  Maybe then, he will see it in
a different light.  I also think it is harder for men to accept the fact
that something could be wrong with their child.   I am not sure of the
reason for this though.

Just continue to do the best you can for your daughter.  I am sure you
understand that SM is not something a child can overcome over night.  It
sounds as though you are doing well in preparing her for kindergarten.  Just
make sure you start the transition process in the spring to her new school.
Take her to the school several times over the summer and visit her classroom
as much as you can.  Also allow her to meet her new teacher and spend a
little time with her, before school starts.  If your daughter is not as far
along in her progress as you would like her to be by the end of this school
year, just keep hanging in there and continue to be understanding and
supportive.  It is very hard to not get frustrated ourselves with the very
slow progress our children make.  But just try to keep the positive focus.
Those baby steps usually lead to bigger steps down the road.

To give you a ray of hope, my daughter is now in 4th grade.  She is very
social with her many friends, but still has some struggles in the classroom.
Everyone in the school is very understanding of her, because of my advocacy
I have done on her behalf, in the school.  Last spring, she decided she
wanted to sign up for cheerleading in the fall.  I was completely shocked by
this, but decided that if she wanted to do this, I was not going to take
that experience and opportunity away from her.  About one month ago,
cheerleading practice started up and she was on the team.  She absolutely
loved it, but also struggled at practice.  I continued to take her because
she wanted to be a part of it, and her coach was very understanding of her
and did not push her.  The first game was last week, and she could not
perform.  She stood with the group through the entire game not doing a
thing.  As much as it broke my heart, I was so proud that she had come this
far in wanted to do this.  She did decide that she wanted to quit after the
game, so after a long talk, my husband decided to let her give it up.  It
really hurt him, more then me to watch her just stand there (you could say I
have more conditioning to her situation then him).  I would have liked her
to stick it out, for at least one more game, to see if it would get easier
for her, but he already gave her the okay to quit.  As disappointed as I am
in the fact that she could not do this, I have to look at in another way.
Three years ago, she would have never attempted to take on such a big step
like cheerleading.  Just one more step forward in her ability to grow as a
person.  Had I not let her try cheerleading, I would had held her back from
experiencing life in a new way.  She did come home on Monday from school, as
ask for me to sign her up for basketball.  That was too much for me though.
I should let her try it, but I told her maybe next year she could do it.  So
now we signed her up for music lessons at school to learn how to play the
flute.  I thought that might be more her speed, then basketball would be.
So remember....there is great hope down the road for your daughter to
flourish, even if it is at a much slower pace then other children.
Appreciate each tiny step forward.

Take care Victoria.

Sherry

13, 2003 8:58 AM
To: selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [Selective Mutism Support Group] Help fpr my daughter


   Hi, I read your email and can totally relate to your story.
   I find that dealing with my own husband is frustrating. I started taking
her to a child psycologist who is an expert on SM.  My husband is opposed to
this because he thinks there is nothing wrong with her.  Thats because he
sees how talkative and normal she is at home.  He doesnt see her in
preschool or birthday parties the way I do.
   It's frustrating to deal with her problems all on my own.  But I am going
to continue to get her the help she needs.  She is in her last year of
preschool (4 years) and I want her well for kindergarten.  That is my goal
   Good Luck with your daughter
   Victoria



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

We are dealing with SM of our daughter since she was 3. We used play
therapy when she was 4 for 6 month. She liked the therapist, and
started to talk to her after 3 month, but refuse to talk with her
about school situations. After 6 month she started to whisper to the
teacher, and it was a big progress. We started to bring friends from
school to play dates at out house as often as possible. At home she
learned to talk to them. We also figured out that she talk more in
the playground then in the class, so every day I spent an hour after
school with her in the school playground, there were always other
kids there. In the end of last year she was talking with the
teachers but didn't admit it. She said she is whispering hard.
My point is that you have to observe your child and try to use her
strong points and go with her. We made huge progress with her, but
she is still different. She needs more time in new situations, and
don't talk to kids parents or new kids. We hope we are on the way
out of it. Cheer up and be patient. Irit

--- In selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com, "Victoria
Johanet, MSEd" <victoriajo23@y...> wrote:
> Hi, I read your email and can totally relate to your story.
> I find that dealing with my own husband is frustrating. I started
taking her to a child psycologist who is an expert on SM.  My
husband is opposed to this because he thinks there is nothing wrong
with her.  Thats because he sees how talkative and normal she is at
home.  He doesnt see her in preschool or birthday parties the way I
do.
> It's frustrating to deal with her problems all on my own.  But I
am going to continue to get her the help she needs.  She is in her
last year of preschool (4 years) and I want her well for
kindergarten.  That is my goal
> Good Luck with your daughter
> Victoria
>
> megjosetti <mjosetti@m...> wrote:
> Hi everyone
>
> I am almost in tears because I have found this support group.  My
> daughter is 5 1/2.  I always said that she turned my world upside
> down when she was born.  She was colicky and never wanted to
sleep.
> I could go on and on telling the background but my point is that I
> always protected and catered to her needs and kept her in a very
> safe environment so the signs of SM were not as apparent to me
until
> last year when she started preschool (even though I think the
> tendancy was always there)  We moved and she was not happy about
> that and when she started preschool she never spoke.  She only
> attended for 2 months when we moved again (my husband and I
> seperated for a short time.)  I decided not to put her in a new
> preschool and I devoted the spring/summer to getting our family
back
> together and we started to meet neighbors and I was seeing
progress.
> Amanda was playing with the neighbors but took a couple months
> before she started talking to them.  Her preschool teacher told me
> about SM and then I took her for her yearly check up and the
Doctor
> also felt that there was a problem.  With the stress in our family
> this past year I still thought I could fix the situation myself.
> Our family was back together and she had her Dad back who she was
> very close to.  I did not research SM this summer as much as I now
> realize I should have but when school started 2 weeks ago I knew
our
> problems where not over.  Which brings me to my present situation
> and request for advice.  Amanda has been in school for 2 weeks and
> has not spoken to the teacher or the kids.  I have been in
constant
> contact with the teacher and have forwarded extensive info on SM.
> She has not responded to the info and in my opinion is handling my
> daughter as a child with a behaviour problem - sort of like the
> stronger person will win.  She has no idea that she will not win
the
> battle and she will negatively affect my daghter in the process.
> This week when I picked my daughter up one day she was not out at
> pick up. Another teacher told me that the teacher had kept her
back
> to "work" with her.  about 5 minutes later out comes my daughter
> with the teacher and my daughter was sobbing uncontrollably.  As a
> mother I knew the crying had been going on for some time.  The
> teacher told me she was trying to get Amanda to put her papers in
> her bag - this is a major issue with the teacher.  I was upset but
> am trying to work with the system.  I told the teacher I was
> thrilled she would spend indivual time with my daughter but in
that
> context she was doing more harm than good.  She did not keep her
> back again.  I have had two school parents address me today with
> concerns for Amanda, worried that she might not be in the right
> class.  Then when I dropped her off another little girl pointed to
> my daughter and said "she's a gumpy butt", the teacher's assistant
> did nothing and another parent reprimanded the child.  I was
finally
> angry and after dropping my son off at preschool I called the
school
> and said I was on my way to speak to the principal and if she was
> not available that they should have my daughter in the office
> because I was taking her home.  The principal was there and
> waiting.  She had never heard of SM (even though I sent info in
and
> the principal has been monitoring the situation.  She felt that
the
> teacher was not convinced that Amanda had this condition.  She
stood
> by her teacher as being the best of the three teachers to deal
with
> Amanda and scheduled a "Team Meeting" for monday with me, the
> teacher, the principal, school councelor and school psycologist.
> Not only do I feel outnumbered but my husband will be out of town
so
> cannot be there.  I also find it amazing that after a child has
> stood motionless in the class room for two weeks without an ounce
of
> progress that the school would not be calling me.  In addition
they
> have "assigned" another little girl to help with Amanda and
> encourage her.  Is this fair to a 5 year old just starting school
> herself?  luckily I have met the little girls parents, ironically
> they are both psycologists and run a group home - we have gotten
the
> girls together to play and although Amanda has not spoken to them
> she played great and they were wonderful.  Any words of advice in
> dealin with the school.  I want to make a difference for my
dughter
> and any future child at this school that may have this problem.  I
> also have not found a therapist in the area that is familiar with
> SM - I live in Delaware.  In closing, I am sure this sounds
familiar
> but when in a comfortable environment my daughter is outgoing,
> funloving, mature and very bright.  It is so hard to see a child
> with so much potential suffering with this anxiety.  How can this
> town and this school district not know about this problem.  There
is
> a downs syndrome boy in the class that they are accomidating yet
the
> principal told me that they are not equipped to deal with my
> dughters problem.  Sorry this was so long but I have 5 1/2 years
of
> dealing with this alone so I am spilling my guts.  I look forward
to
> responses
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> selectivemutismsupportgroup2-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello,

I don't respond much to this group, only because of my lack of time, but I
try to read all the posts.  Your post especially touched my heart because I
have been through the same situation as you are in.  My daughter did not
speak through 2 years of preschool and kindergarten.  Her kindergarten
teacher was the former school counselor, so of course I thought my daughter
was in the best hands possible.  It turned into a nightmare, and she too had
no compassion or understand of my child.  The good thing for you, is that
this is being dealt with so early on in the school year.  Request that your
daughter be evaluated by someone who is experienced in dealing with SM.  You
can get this done at the school's expense, although they might try to tell
you different.  Please go visit Dr. Shipon-Blum's website at
http://www.selectivemutismcenter.org and recommend to the school to allow
you to have your daughter evaluated by her (at their expense) or that they
consult with her in their assessment and development of a school IEP plan
with your child.  Look under the services offered section on the website.
She has help me tremendously with my daughter, who is now in 4th grade and
doing very well.  Just remember early intervention is key though, so don't
let them tell you to wait it out.    Help them see it is anxiety.....and
many people will start to see your child differently.  Keep building on that
relationship with her new friend and continue to get them together outside
of school as much as possible.  You will probably see a beautiful friendship
develop, as I did with my child and another little girl.  They are still
best friends to to this day.

If you can, please try to bring someone along with you to the meeting on
Monday.  It is best not to go alone, as you may miss something another
person would pick up on.  Although you are feeling very angry right now with
the school, try not to go in on the defense but, more with a willingness to
work with them, and it will go a lot better.  It will also be good for you
to read up on the educational laws and rights of your child.  Search out
information on IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) on the
web.  Also read up on IEP's and 504's.  The Selective Mutism Group Childhood
Anxiety Network www.selectivemutism.org also has some helpful downloadable
information on selective mutism which you might want to take along with you.
I realize this is all very overwhelming to you right now, so just take it
one step at a time.  Absorb what you can now and the rest will follow in
time.  It took me many years to completely understand everything.  Well, not
everything, as I am still learning today.  Do the best you can for now and
continue to education everyone you can about SM, as that is how we all can
make a difference for the children suffering in silence.

Good luck on Monday! Let us know how you make out, as any knowledge and
information you share here will most likely help another parent out with
some unanswered questions or concerns.

So glad you started this group up Julie!!!  :-)

Carol...add you input here as you know a great deal more about this issue
then I do.   ;-)

Sherry

   -----Original Message-----
   From: megjosetti [mailto:mjosetti@...]
   Sent: Friday, September 12, 2003 7:13 PM
   To: selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.
   bject: [Selective Mutism Support Group] Help fpr my daughter


   Hi everyone

   I am almost in tears because I have found this support group.  My
   daughter is 5 1/2.  I always said that she turned my world upside
   down when she was born.  She was colicky and never wanted to sleep.
   I could go on and on telling the background but my point is that I
   always protected and catered to her needs and kept her in a very
   safe environment so the signs of SM were not as apparent to me until
   last year when she started preschool (even though I think the
   tendancy was always there)  We moved and she was not happy about
   that and when she started preschool she never spoke.  She only
   attended for 2 months when we moved again (my husband and I
   seperated for a short time.)  I decided not to put her in a new
   preschool and I devoted the spring/summer to getting our family back
   together and we started to meet neighbors and I was seeing progress.
   Amanda was playing with the neighbors but took a couple months
   before she started talking to them.  Her preschool teacher told me
   about SM and then I took her for her yearly check up and the Doctor
   also felt that there was a problem.  With the stress in our family
   this past year I still thought I could fix the situation myself.
   Our family was back together and she had her Dad back who she was
   very close to.  I did not research SM this summer as much as I now
   realize I should have but when school started 2 weeks ago I knew our
   problems where not over.  Which brings me to my present situation
   and request for advice.  Amanda has been in school for 2 weeks and
   has not spoken to the teacher or the kids.  I have been in constant
   contact with the teacher and have forwarded extensive info on SM.
   She has not responded to the info and in my opinion is handling my
   daughter as a child with a behaviour problem - sort of like the
   stronger person will win.  She has no idea that she will not win the
   battle and she will negatively affect my daghter in the process.
   This week when I picked my daughter up one day she was not out at
   pick up. Another teacher told me that the teacher had kept her back
   to "work" with her.  about 5 minutes later out comes my daughter
   with the teacher and my daughter was sobbing uncontrollably.  As a
   mother I knew the crying had been going on for some time.  The
   teacher told me she was trying to get Amanda to put her papers in
   her bag - this is a major issue with the teacher.  I was upset but
   am trying to work with the system.  I told the teacher I was
   thrilled she would spend indivual time with my daughter but in that
   context she was doing more harm than good.  She did not keep her
   back again.  I have had two school parents address me today with
   concerns for Amanda, worried that she might not be in the right
   class.  Then when I dropped her off another little girl pointed to
   my daughter and said "she's a gumpy butt", the teacher's assistant
   did nothing and another parent reprimanded the child.  I was finally
   angry and after dropping my son off at preschool I called the school
   and said I was on my way to speak to the principal and if she was
   not available that they should have my daughter in the office
   because I was taking her home.  The principal was there and
   waiting.  She had never heard of SM (even though I sent info in and
   the principal has been monitoring the situation.  She felt that the
   teacher was not convinced that Amanda had this condition.  She stood
   by her teacher as being the best of the three teachers to deal with
   Amanda and scheduled a "Team Meeting" for monday with me, the
   teacher, the principal, school councelor and school psycologist.
   Not only do I feel outnumbered but my husband will be out of town so
   cannot be there.  I also find it amazing that after a child has
   stood motionless in the class room for two weeks without an ounce of
   progress that the school would not be calling me.  In addition they
   have "assigned" another little girl to help with Amanda and
   encourage her.  Is this fair to a 5 year old just starting school
   herself?  luckily I have met the little girls parents, ironically
   they are both psycologists and run a group home - we have gotten the
   girls together to play and although Amanda has not spoken to them
   she played great and they were wonderful.  Any words of advice in
   dealin with the school.  I want to make a difference for my dughter
   and any future child at this school that may have this problem.  I
   also have not found a therapist in the area that is familiar with
   SM - I live in Delaware.  In closing, I am sure this sounds familiar
   but when in a comfortable environment my daughter is outgoing,
   funloving, mature and very bright.  It is so hard to see a child
   with so much potential suffering with this anxiety.  How can this
   town and this school district not know about this problem.  There is
   a downs syndrome boy in the class that they are accomidating yet the
   principal told me that they are not equipped to deal with my
   dughters problem.  Sorry this was so long but I have 5 1/2 years of
   dealing with this alone so I am spilling my guts.  I look forward to
   responses


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi, I read your email and can totally relate to your story.
I find that dealing with my own husband is frustrating. I started taking her to
a child psycologist who is an expert on SM.  My husband is opposed to this
because he thinks there is nothing wrong with her.  Thats because he sees how
talkative and normal she is at home.  He doesnt see her in preschool or birthday
parties the way I do.
It's frustrating to deal with her problems all on my own.  But I am going to
continue to get her the help she needs.  She is in her last year of preschool (4
years) and I want her well for kindergarten.  That is my goal
Good Luck with your daughter
Victoria

megjosetti <mjosetti@...> wrote:
Hi everyone

I am almost in tears because I have found this support group.  My
daughter is 5 1/2.  I always said that she turned my world upside
down when she was born.  She was colicky and never wanted to sleep.
I could go on and on telling the background but my point is that I
always protected and catered to her needs and kept her in a very
safe environment so the signs of SM were not as apparent to me until
last year when she started preschool (even though I think the
tendancy was always there)  We moved and she was not happy about
that and when she started preschool she never spoke.  She only
attended for 2 months when we moved again (my husband and I
seperated for a short time.)  I decided not to put her in a new
preschool and I devoted the spring/summer to getting our family back
together and we started to meet neighbors and I was seeing progress.
Amanda was playing with the neighbors but took a couple months
before she started talking to them.  Her preschool teacher told me
about SM and then I took her for her yearly check up and the Doctor
also felt that there was a problem.  With the stress in our family
this past year I still thought I could fix the situation myself.
Our family was back together and she had her Dad back who she was
very close to.  I did not research SM this summer as much as I now
realize I should have but when school started 2 weeks ago I knew our
problems where not over.  Which brings me to my present situation
and request for advice.  Amanda has been in school for 2 weeks and
has not spoken to the teacher or the kids.  I have been in constant
contact with the teacher and have forwarded extensive info on SM.
She has not responded to the info and in my opinion is handling my
daughter as a child with a behaviour problem - sort of like the
stronger person will win.  She has no idea that she will not win the
battle and she will negatively affect my daghter in the process.
This week when I picked my daughter up one day she was not out at
pick up. Another teacher told me that the teacher had kept her back
to "work" with her.  about 5 minutes later out comes my daughter
with the teacher and my daughter was sobbing uncontrollably.  As a
mother I knew the crying had been going on for some time.  The
teacher told me she was trying to get Amanda to put her papers in
her bag - this is a major issue with the teacher.  I was upset but
am trying to work with the system.  I told the teacher I was
thrilled she would spend indivual time with my daughter but in that
context she was doing more harm than good.  She did not keep her
back again.  I have had two school parents address me today with
concerns for Amanda, worried that she might not be in the right
class.  Then when I dropped her off another little girl pointed to
my daughter and said "she's a gumpy butt", the teacher's assistant
did nothing and another parent reprimanded the child.  I was finally
angry and after dropping my son off at preschool I called the school
and said I was on my way to speak to the principal and if she was
not available that they should have my daughter in the office
because I was taking her home.  The principal was there and
waiting.  She had never heard of SM (even though I sent info in and
the principal has been monitoring the situation.  She felt that the
teacher was not convinced that Amanda had this condition.  She stood
by her teacher as being the best of the three teachers to deal with
Amanda and scheduled a "Team Meeting" for monday with me, the
teacher, the principal, school councelor and school psycologist.
Not only do I feel outnumbered but my husband will be out of town so
cannot be there.  I also find it amazing that after a child has
stood motionless in the class room for two weeks without an ounce of
progress that the school would not be calling me.  In addition they
have "assigned" another little girl to help with Amanda and
encourage her.  Is this fair to a 5 year old just starting school
herself?  luckily I have met the little girls parents, ironically
they are both psycologists and run a group home - we have gotten the
girls together to play and although Amanda has not spoken to them
she played great and they were wonderful.  Any words of advice in
dealin with the school.  I want to make a difference for my dughter
and any future child at this school that may have this problem.  I
also have not found a therapist in the area that is familiar with
SM - I live in Delaware.  In closing, I am sure this sounds familiar
but when in a comfortable environment my daughter is outgoing,
funloving, mature and very bright.  It is so hard to see a child
with so much potential suffering with this anxiety.  How can this
town and this school district not know about this problem.  There is
a downs syndrome boy in the class that they are accomidating yet the
principal told me that they are not equipped to deal with my
dughters problem.  Sorry this was so long but I have 5 1/2 years of
dealing with this alone so I am spilling my guts.  I look forward to
responses


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Please check  http://www.selectivemutism.org/desb.htm   Dr. E. Shipon-Blum is in
Philadelphia.  She is the most knowledgeable and experienced professional who
works with sm children.


Here are some other links to find a qualified therapist in your area:

http://www.adaa.org/Public/ProfessionalResult.cfm

http://www.selectivemutismfoundation.org/frameset.html

This link will explain 504 law. http://www.fetaweb.com/help/states.htm Your
school, by law, has to provide an appropriate intervention for your child.  This
does not mean placing her in Special Ed.  They have to provide and make
adjustments  for her disability.  Once you have a diagnosis from your
pediatrician or psychologist, the school then has to make the appropriate
adjustments.

Hope this helps.
Gail Kervatt
www.selective-mutism.com

   ----- Original Message -----
   From: megjosetti
   To: selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Friday, September 12, 2003 7:12 PM
   Subject: [Selective Mutism Support Group] Help fpr my daughter


   Hi everyone

   I am almost in tears because I have found this support group.  My
   daughter is 5 1/2.  I always said that she turned my world upside
   down when she was born.  She was colicky and never wanted to sleep.
   I could go on and on telling the background but my point is that I
   always protected and catered to her needs and kept her in a very
   safe environment so the signs of SM were not as apparent to me until
   last year when she started preschool (even though I think the
   tendancy was always there)  We moved and she was not happy about
   that and when she started preschool she never spoke.  She only
   attended for 2 months when we moved again (my husband and I
   seperated for a short time.)  I decided not to put her in a new
   preschool and I devoted the spring/summer to getting our family back
   together and we started to meet neighbors and I was seeing progress.
   Amanda was playing with the neighbors but took a couple months
   before she started talking to them.  Her preschool teacher told me
   about SM and then I took her for her yearly check up and the Doctor
   also felt that there was a problem.  With the stress in our family
   this past year I still thought I could fix the situation myself.
   Our family was back together and she had her Dad back who she was
   very close to.  I did not research SM this summer as much as I now
   realize I should have but when school started 2 weeks ago I knew our
   problems where not over.  Which brings me to my present situation
   and request for advice.  Amanda has been in school for 2 weeks and
   has not spoken to the teacher or the kids.  I have been in constant
   contact with the teacher and have forwarded extensive info on SM.
   She has not responded to the info and in my opinion is handling my
   daughter as a child with a behaviour problem - sort of like the
   stronger person will win.  She has no idea that she will not win the
   battle and she will negatively affect my daghter in the process.
   This week when I picked my daughter up one day she was not out at
   pick up. Another teacher told me that the teacher had kept her back
   to "work" with her.  about 5 minutes later out comes my daughter
   with the teacher and my daughter was sobbing uncontrollably.  As a
   mother I knew the crying had been going on for some time.  The
   teacher told me she was trying to get Amanda to put her papers in
   her bag - this is a major issue with the teacher.  I was upset but
   am trying to work with the system.  I told the teacher I was
   thrilled she would spend indivual time with my daughter but in that
   context she was doing more harm than good.  She did not keep her
   back again.  I have had two school parents address me today with
   concerns for Amanda, worried that she might not be in the right
   class.  Then when I dropped her off another little girl pointed to
   my daughter and said "she's a gumpy butt", the teacher's assistant
   did nothing and another parent reprimanded the child.  I was finally
   angry and after dropping my son off at preschool I called the school
   and said I was on my way to speak to the principal and if she was
   not available that they should have my daughter in the office
   because I was taking her home.  The principal was there and
   waiting.  She had never heard of SM (even though I sent info in and
   the principal has been monitoring the situation.  She felt that the
   teacher was not convinced that Amanda had this condition.  She stood
   by her teacher as being the best of the three teachers to deal with
   Amanda and scheduled a "Team Meeting" for monday with me, the
   teacher, the principal, school councelor and school psycologist.
   Not only do I feel outnumbered but my husband will be out of town so
   cannot be there.  I also find it amazing that after a child has
   stood motionless in the class room for two weeks without an ounce of
   progress that the school would not be calling me.  In addition they
   have "assigned" another little girl to help with Amanda and
   encourage her.  Is this fair to a 5 year old just starting school
   herself?  luckily I have met the little girls parents, ironically
   they are both psycologists and run a group home - we have gotten the
   girls together to play and although Amanda has not spoken to them
   she played great and they were wonderful.  Any words of advice in
   dealin with the school.  I want to make a difference for my dughter
   and any future child at this school that may have this problem.  I
   also have not found a therapist in the area that is familiar with
   SM - I live in Delaware.  In closing, I am sure this sounds familiar
   but when in a comfortable environment my daughter is outgoing,
   funloving, mature and very bright.  It is so hard to see a child
   with so much potential suffering with this anxiety.  How can this
   town and this school district not know about this problem.  There is
   a downs syndrome boy in the class that they are accomidating yet the
   principal told me that they are not equipped to deal with my
   dughters problem.  Sorry this was so long but I have 5 1/2 years of
   dealing with this alone so I am spilling my guts.  I look forward to
   responses


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               ADVERTISEMENT




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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello,
My Daughter is now almost 7. Since she was almost 5 we
noticed she was talking to fewer and fewer people.. I
feel we were over protective and didn't let her stay
with other people enough.. When she was in preschool
she did not talk to the teachers.. and only a few
kids.. It takes her a while to get to know some one
and when she does and she feels ok, then she will
talk.. Her teachers were very concerned, so they had
me talk to the school speech therapist who knew
exactly what was going on , even though that school
system hadn't had a child with SM in a few years..She
had another therapist go in to the preschool and
observe her.. Everything has pointed to SM..  In
kindergarten, they must have thought it was an easy
fix, because they didn't do a whole lot for her.. She
did qualify for speech theraphy.. We didn't have our
"big" meeting until almost the end of the school year
and then they realized that Tabby wasn't going to talk
to any one over night.. They had bought their first
book, to get some ideas on what they should do.. Our
Ped, is very helpful.. We tried one medication and it
didn't help.. so now she is in play theraphy and we
can actually see an inprovement.. She has started
talking to more kids, but again it takes her a while
when a new kid comes along.. She is in 1st grade now
and the school has done more to try and make her more
comfortable.. The school picked a teacher before the
end of last school term , so she was able to spend one
on one time with the teacher.. She gets one on one
time with her speech therapist.. and she is doing
sounds for the teacher.. Its a thrill when she laughs
out loud.. Sign a note saying its ok for the Teacher
to talk to the DR.. This has been very helpful.. If
the Dr recignised(sp) the signs for SM he/she can
explaine them to the teacher and answer any questions
the teacher might have.. Don't let them try to walk
over you, you are the parent, you know whats going
on.. This is something that alot of schools are not
trained to deal with and they may not change
willinglee.. most of all, stay calm.. It will get
better.. Its a slow progress..
Shelly

=====

Shelly Holloway


__________________________________
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Yahoo! SiteBuilder - Free, easy-to-use web site design software
http://sitebuilder.yahoo.com

Hi everyone

I am almost in tears because I have found this support group.  My
daughter is 5 1/2.  I always said that she turned my world upside
down when she was born.  She was colicky and never wanted to sleep.
I could go on and on telling the background but my point is that I
always protected and catered to her needs and kept her in a very
safe environment so the signs of SM were not as apparent to me until
last year when she started preschool (even though I think the
tendancy was always there)  We moved and she was not happy about
that and when she started preschool she never spoke.  She only
attended for 2 months when we moved again (my husband and I
seperated for a short time.)  I decided not to put her in a new
preschool and I devoted the spring/summer to getting our family back
together and we started to meet neighbors and I was seeing progress.
Amanda was playing with the neighbors but took a couple months
before she started talking to them.  Her preschool teacher told me
about SM and then I took her for her yearly check up and the Doctor
also felt that there was a problem.  With the stress in our family
this past year I still thought I could fix the situation myself.
Our family was back together and she had her Dad back who she was
very close to.  I did not research SM this summer as much as I now
realize I should have but when school started 2 weeks ago I knew our
problems where not over.  Which brings me to my present situation
and request for advice.  Amanda has been in school for 2 weeks and
has not spoken to the teacher or the kids.  I have been in constant
contact with the teacher and have forwarded extensive info on SM.
She has not responded to the info and in my opinion is handling my
daughter as a child with a behaviour problem - sort of like the
stronger person will win.  She has no idea that she will not win the
battle and she will negatively affect my daghter in the process.
This week when I picked my daughter up one day she was not out at
pick up. Another teacher told me that the teacher had kept her back
to "work" with her.  about 5 minutes later out comes my daughter
with the teacher and my daughter was sobbing uncontrollably.  As a
mother I knew the crying had been going on for some time.  The
teacher told me she was trying to get Amanda to put her papers in
her bag - this is a major issue with the teacher.  I was upset but
am trying to work with the system.  I told the teacher I was
thrilled she would spend indivual time with my daughter but in that
context she was doing more harm than good.  She did not keep her
back again.  I have had two school parents address me today with
concerns for Amanda, worried that she might not be in the right
class.  Then when I dropped her off another little girl pointed to
my daughter and said "she's a gumpy butt", the teacher's assistant
did nothing and another parent reprimanded the child.  I was finally
angry and after dropping my son off at preschool I called the school
and said I was on my way to speak to the principal and if she was
not available that they should have my daughter in the office
because I was taking her home.  The principal was there and
waiting.  She had never heard of SM (even though I sent info in and
the principal has been monitoring the situation.  She felt that the
teacher was not convinced that Amanda had this condition.  She stood
by her teacher as being the best of the three teachers to deal with
Amanda and scheduled a "Team Meeting" for monday with me, the
teacher, the principal, school councelor and school psycologist.
Not only do I feel outnumbered but my husband will be out of town so
cannot be there.  I also find it amazing that after a child has
stood motionless in the class room for two weeks without an ounce of
progress that the school would not be calling me.  In addition they
have "assigned" another little girl to help with Amanda and
encourage her.  Is this fair to a 5 year old just starting school
herself?  luckily I have met the little girls parents, ironically
they are both psycologists and run a group home - we have gotten the
girls together to play and although Amanda has not spoken to them
she played great and they were wonderful.  Any words of advice in
dealin with the school.  I want to make a difference for my dughter
and any future child at this school that may have this problem.  I
also have not found a therapist in the area that is familiar with
SM - I live in Delaware.  In closing, I am sure this sounds familiar
but when in a comfortable environment my daughter is outgoing,
funloving, mature and very bright.  It is so hard to see a child
with so much potential suffering with this anxiety.  How can this
town and this school district not know about this problem.  There is
a downs syndrome boy in the class that they are accomidating yet the
principal told me that they are not equipped to deal with my
dughters problem.  Sorry this was so long but I have 5 1/2 years of
dealing with this alone so I am spilling my guts.  I look forward to
responses

Hi,
Did you take your daughter to a professional who deals with SM.  My first
experience with a psychologist was awful because he never treated SM.  I just
took my daughter to a psych. who has worked with SM and he will come to her
school and train her teachers in techniques.  I hope it works
Good Luck,
Victoria

vonkoenig_2000 <vonkoenig@...> wrote:
my daughter is almost 14 and we've been fighting with selective
mutism for 12 years.  She's been on Zoloft, Zyprexil, and Prosac and
been through all the therapy many times. We've can't seem to get past
the step of mouthing words to actually getting sound to come out.  At
this point I'm open to any suggestions as to what to try next. Any
advice would be GREATLY appreciated.  Thanks, Beth


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

my daughter is almost 14 and we've been fighting with selective
mutism for 12 years.  She's been on Zoloft, Zyprexil, and Prosac and
been through all the therapy many times. We've can't seem to get past
the step of mouthing words to actually getting sound to come out.  At
this point I'm open to any suggestions as to what to try next. Any
advice would be GREATLY appreciated.  Thanks, Beth

Dear T
Nice to hear your daughter is making progress.  I too am taking my 4 year old
daughter to a psycologist at NYU Medical Center.  He has dealt with SM before
with success.  I will pass on the info after we see him.  There is a web site on
SM from NYU Child Study Center called "About our Kids".  I found it very useful.
I finally convinced my husband that this is something that deserves serious
intervention.  Everybody tells me "she'll out grow it".  I wish that were true. 
Even if she does, how old will she be when she finally "out grows" this?  She
would have missed out of precious childhood years, friends and experiences.
Good luck,
Victoria

T <squeaky53095@...> wrote:
   Hi everyone!  I just wanted to say things here have been a little
better!  I have found a wounderful pshchologist who is willing to
work with Brittany.  He has never treated anyone with SM but is
willing to learn.  He is trying to find as much as he can to read
about the theraputic aspect of SM, and also try to find other Dr.s
who have treated people with it.  Right now we have had 6 visits from
the Dr. and we are doing play therapy.  The doctor comes to the house
in Brittany's comfort zone (which is great!)  She has no idea that he
is a doctor, he has her call him Bill. And Brittany thinks he is
mommys friend.  Next week we will do one visit at home and one visit
at the office.  Brittany has made progress this past week.  She has
pointed, shaken her head, and helped with the game setups.  Although
she has still not made eye contact she did forget for one minute that
he was there and softly said something to my mom.  This is great!
But school is fastly approaching, and I have an appt. on the 27th to
speak with the teacher and principal.  I am not sure how her teacher
is going to be (she was so nasty about her failing the readiness test
in April.)  I am unsure what I want said or done, but I still have 2
weeks so I am open to suggestions.
      On another note, I  myself have been to a psychiatrist to help
with my frustrations of dealing with all of this.  She is very
helpful and is trying to understand SM and how it affects the
family.  She also gave some good advice, which I had put to use.  I
had recently put out a newsletter to family and friends to explain SM
and how I would like people to react and respond to her.  Everyone
has been calling her shy, and when telling them not to call her that
( and most importantly not in front of her) I would recieve the
nastiest looks!  This upsetted me something fierce!   All calling her
shy or quiet did was bring out the negative, and did nothing to help
Brittany!  So with this letter I a hope that they are more
understanding and supportive in this situation.   I have had some
feed back saying that they found it interesting and helpful!
      Well I need to go but wanted to say I think this such a great
site and wonderful support group!  Thanks for listening and remember
that "God would not give us what we cannot handle!"  Even though we
do feel so alone at times it is nice to know that we truly arent!
                      TTFN Theresa


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Hi everyone!  I just wanted to say things here have been a little
better!  I have found a wounderful pshchologist who is willing to
work with Brittany.  He has never treated anyone with SM but is
willing to learn.  He is trying to find as much as he can to read
about the theraputic aspect of SM, and also try to find other Dr.s
who have treated people with it.  Right now we have had 6 visits from
the Dr. and we are doing play therapy.  The doctor comes to the house
in Brittany's comfort zone (which is great!)  She has no idea that he
is a doctor, he has her call him Bill. And Brittany thinks he is
mommys friend.  Next week we will do one visit at home and one visit
at the office.  Brittany has made progress this past week.  She has
pointed, shaken her head, and helped with the game setups.  Although
she has still not made eye contact she did forget for one minute that
he was there and softly said something to my mom.  This is great!
But school is fastly approaching, and I have an appt. on the 27th to
speak with the teacher and principal.  I am not sure how her teacher
is going to be (she was so nasty about her failing the readiness test
in April.)  I am unsure what I want said or done, but I still have 2
weeks so I am open to suggestions.
      On another note, I  myself have been to a psychiatrist to help
with my frustrations of dealing with all of this.  She is very
helpful and is trying to understand SM and how it affects the
family.  She also gave some good advice, which I had put to use.  I
had recently put out a newsletter to family and friends to explain SM
and how I would like people to react and respond to her.  Everyone
has been calling her shy, and when telling them not to call her that
( and most importantly not in front of her) I would recieve the
nastiest looks!  This upsetted me something fierce!   All calling her
shy or quiet did was bring out the negative, and did nothing to help
Brittany!  So with this letter I a hope that they are more
understanding and supportive in this situation.   I have had some
feed back saying that they found it interesting and helpful!
      Well I need to go but wanted to say I think this such a great
site and wonderful support group!  Thanks for listening and remember
that "God would not give us what we cannot handle!"  Even though we
do feel so alone at times it is nice to know that we truly arent!
                      TTFN Theresa

Dear Kris,
I read your e mail today and your daughter sounds just like mine.  My daughter
also started out with speech delay.  She would completely "shut down" with her
therapist.  Her therapist became so frustrated that she asked for an OT eval;
she thought she may have sensory issues as well.  I always thought it was a
socio/emotional issue (social anxiety).  I thought she had a severe case of
shyness, but something told me it was much more. A co worker of mine told me
about selective mutism.  When I looked it up on the net it sounded JUST LIKE MY
DAUGHTER!  She is four now.  She has made some progress with extended family. 
She now speaks to her cousins, grandparents.  She just started speaking to kids
who come to our house.  She always needs to be surrounded by family or in a very
comfortable and familiar place before she speaks.  What worries me is that she
NEVER spoke during her first year of pre-school.  Her teacher was worried that
she never heard her voice.
Sept is around the corner and I do not want her to go another year without
speaking.  I found a psychologist from NYU Child Study Center( New York) who
deals with SM.  His name is Dr. Kurtz.  We have a consultation on Aug. 27.  I
just want him to help her break this pattern of not speaking, especially since
she speaks beautifully at home (assertive too).
I will let you know how it goes.  Write to me again after the 27th and I will
tell you what he said.  Good luck with your daughter.
Victoria

kristia smith <klsmiith@...> wrote:
I recently found this group and have a few questions.  My daughter is 3 years
old and currently seeing a speech therapist.  She is speech delayed due to a
history of ear problems.  The speech therapist believes that she has selective
mutism and after much study on the subject I think she is correct.  At home and
with people she is comfortable with Whitney's speech is getting so much better,
but when she is around others or in an uncomfortable situation she "shuts down".
She will speak to the therapist only if someone else she is comfortable with is
in the room.  She is excited when we tell her that the therapist is coming to
play and she plays eagerly with her but stays silent.  I can see the frustration
in her face as she would love to interact but cannot make herself do so.  I know
the speech delay just makes things harder because sometimes she is hard to
understand when she does decide to talk.
I am wondering what a psychologist might me able to do for her.  Can anyone tell
me what the usual course of action is when going to a psychologist?  I want to
do whatever I can to help Whitney.  She is such a loving, intelligent child and
I want her to be able to be comfortable and able to communicate.  Thanks in
advance for any advice or information!
Kris & Whitney



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I recently found this group and have a few questions.  My daughter is 3 years
old and currently seeing a speech therapist.  She is speech delayed due to a
history of ear problems.  The speech therapist believes that she has selective
mutism and after much study on the subject I think she is correct.  At home and
with people she is comfortable with Whitney's speech is getting so much better,
but when she is around others or in an uncomfortable situation she "shuts down".
She will speak to the therapist only if someone else she is comfortable with is
in the room.  She is excited when we tell her that the therapist is coming to
play and she plays eagerly with her but stays silent.  I can see the frustration
in her face as she would love to interact but cannot make herself do so.  I know
the speech delay just makes things harder because sometimes she is hard to
understand when she does decide to talk.
I am wondering what a psychologist might me able to do for her.  Can anyone tell
me what the usual course of action is when going to a psychologist?  I want to
do whatever I can to help Whitney.  She is such a loving, intelligent child and
I want her to be able to be comfortable and able to communicate.  Thanks in
advance for any advice or information!
Kris & Whitney



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Hi squeaky,
Where do you live?  I know how you feel.  I took my daughter to a quack who knew
absolutely nothing.  I am exploring Dr. Steve Kurtz from NYU Child Study in NYC
if its of any help to you.  I havent even called him yet, but I hear he deals
with SM.
By the way, your kid sounds like mine.  She would pee on herself before she asks
to use the bathroom.  Its scary.
Victoria


T <squeaky53095@...> wrote:
   Hi everyone it's me again.  I have somemore questions for somebody(
maybe I don't have any questions and feel like I need to vent!)  I
have been trying to find a psyhcologist that would be able to help my
daughter...and have had no luck!  The last few doctors I have talked
to want to treat her for something different than SM.  One even said
she is having panic attacks( not the case) and when asked if he has
ever dealt with a child with SM he replied "no".  How am I to find
help when nobody has ever dealt with a person with SM?  I am in tears
every time I get off the phone with a doctor like this!  To me it
sounds like I know more than they do, and I don't have a degree
hanging on my wall!  Alot of people don't even take SM seriosly, but
thats because it's not thier child!  My child would never be able to
defend herself from a dangerous situation or can't even ask to use
the restroom!  What is a parent to do at this point?  Any input would
be great!  Thanks for listening.


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Hi Shelly,
Thanks for responding.  I feel guilty that I havent called the therapist yet. 
The summer has been so crazy busy.  I will do it after all the out of town
relatives leave.
How old is your daughter?  Do you have other kids?  My other daughter is very
outgoing and she completey overshadows the SM kid (Juliet).  Juliet actually
feels braver when she is with her older sister because she does all the talking
for the both of them.
Let me know how play therapy is going.
Bye, Victoria

Shelly Holloway <shellyhollo@...> wrote:
hello,
I know all too well how you feel.. I am finally , sorta getting some help.. I
was told to treat SM you also have to treat the anxiety... My daughter does have
panick attacks.. Its her way of dealing  with that part of the anxiety . Hers
comes when something new is about to happen. Like when she has to get ready to
go to play theraphy..( I don't know if it is working, she has only gone to
once.. She has either gotten sick or the theraphy has been canceld for some
reason.)..  I was told that only 10% of the population has SM so there are not
alot of Dr.s or therapist who know who to help.. My pediatrician did his
internship at the Indianan Childrens hospital(Riley) So he knew alittle.. Play
theraphy is one of the things he recommended.. I have also gotten some of the
books on selective mutism.. They help.. Doing lots of research on the internet
helps also... The worst thing is that people who don't understand give you
advice.. DOn't punish your child.. It doesn't make it any better..
Bribery doesn't work either.. I am hoping that this year will be good. We have a
teacher who is in volved and is spending time with my daughter.. She hasn't talk
to a teacher in 2 years.. This year is 1st grade.. I am hoping its a good year..
She has shown inprovement.. mostly with other kids.. Not alot of adults.. her
wispers are getting louder though..
I hope this helps.. Vent any time..
Shelly



Shelly Holloway


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hello,
I know all too well how you feel.. I am finally , sorta getting some help.. I
was told to treat SM you also have to treat the anxiety... My daughter does have
panick attacks.. Its her way of dealing  with that part of the anxiety . Hers
comes when something new is about to happen. Like when she has to get ready to
go to play theraphy..( I don't know if it is working, she has only gone to
once.. She has either gotten sick or the theraphy has been canceld for some
reason.)..  I was told that only 10% of the population has SM so there are not
alot of Dr.s or therapist who know who to help.. My pediatrician did his
internship at the Indianan Childrens hospital(Riley) So he knew alittle.. Play
theraphy is one of the things he recommended.. I have also gotten some of the
books on selective mutism.. They help.. Doing lots of research on the internet
helps also... The worst thing is that people who don't understand give you
advice.. DOn't punish your child.. It doesn't make it any better..
  Bribery doesn't work either.. I am hoping that this year will be good. We have
a teacher who is in volved and is spending time with my daughter.. She hasn't
talk to a teacher in 2 years.. This year is 1st grade.. I am hoping its a good
year.. She has shown inprovement.. mostly with other kids.. Not alot of adults..
her wispers are getting louder though..
I hope this helps.. Vent any time..
Shelly



Shelly Holloway


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Hi everyone it's me again.  I have somemore questions for somebody(
maybe I don't have any questions and feel like I need to vent!)  I
have been trying to find a psyhcologist that would be able to help my
daughter...and have had no luck!  The last few doctors I have talked
to want to treat her for something different than SM.  One even said
she is having panic attacks( not the case) and when asked if he has
ever dealt with a child with SM he replied "no".  How am I to find
help when nobody has ever dealt with a person with SM?  I am in tears
every time I get off the phone with a doctor like this!  To me it
sounds like I know more than they do, and I don't have a degree
hanging on my wall!  Alot of people don't even take SM seriosly, but
thats because it's not thier child!  My child would never be able to
defend herself from a dangerous situation or can't even ask to use
the restroom!  What is a parent to do at this point?  Any input would
be great!  Thanks for listening.

Hi,
I am new to this site.  I've known for sometime that my 4 yr old
daughter's inability to speak to her little preschool friends or
teachers was not normal. She still does not speak to her aunt and
uncle.  She will only speak to certain children if they are in our
house.  She will not speak at all in public except to her immediate
family. I am seriously thinking about sending her to a psychologist
with some knowledge with this disorder.  I should have done it a long
time ago, but he did not take my insurance.  I well have to pay out
of pocket--but I feel like its worth it.  Does therapy help?  Has any
child been "cured"?  Will it get better with age?
Thanks for giving me a place to vent and ask questions.
Victoria

hello,
I allready have the Ideal classroom setting for the selectively mute child.. And
I let the teacher take it home.. What she is wanting is more ideas on teaching
my daughter.. Are there other books out there that will help??/ I also have the
free down loads for the teachers..
Thanks
Shelly



Shelly Holloway


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--- In selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com, "Shelly"
<shellyhollo@y...> wrote:
> Hello,
> Is there any books that helps the teacher, teach a selective mute
> child.. My daughter's first grade teacher is trying to get
prepaird
> for her when school starts.. What is the best resource to use..
> Thank you
> Shelly
There is  "The Ideal Classroom setting for the Selectively Mute
Child" Written by: Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum  You can find it here:
http://selectivemutism.org/  there is also a free download "Helping
our teachers understand selective mutism"  The link to the free
download page is on the same page a little farther down from the
books.  Its great you have a teacher willing to help.  That made
such a positive difference for my daughter.

Hello,
Is there any books that helps the teacher, teach a selective mute
child.. My daughter's first grade teacher is trying to get prepaird
for her when school starts.. What is the best resource to use..
Thank you
Shelly

Hi,
     I have a 5 yr old daughter.  She was dx with SM when she was
31/2.  IMO, its best not to wait.  The earlier you intervien the
better the results.  We took my dd out of her preschool and she went
to a special education preschool for a few months.  All of the
children there were very high fuctioning-mainly had speech
problems.  The very small class size helped dd.  She recieved ST &
OT while there.  At home we all changed out attitude towards her
when we learned this was an anxiety issue.  And I did some intensive
sensory integration therapy with her.  She also took supplements
5-HTP, B-6 & magnesium.  When summer was almost over I found her a
new school to attend with a very understanding teacher.  She was so
willing to read all the information I gave her and help dd in anyway
she could.  Before school started she came to our home and got dd
talking.  Then we went and visited the school.  The teacher played
with her and got her talking there.  She was just wonderful.  I
think changing schools was the best decision and helped her the
most.  When we go back to the school she has special ed in she
reverts back to not talking.  (which makes me nervous as she'll be
going to that school for Kindergarten next yr)  She had a great yr
and was 95% of the time indistinguishable from her peers.  Just
recently after being off of supplements for a long time she started
taking zinc & magnesium 4xday, and Primal Defense probiotics.
Yesterday she talked on the phone to me for the first time ever and
today she talked on the phone to her Dad.  Of all the different
things we tried to help our dd I'd say the sensory integration
therapy and changing schools helped the most.  I wish you both the
best.

Samantha, SAHM to Hannah 5yr(SM) & Kyle 8yr(AS)

hello,
From what I have gone through the last 2 year with my daughter.. I would look
for help before september... All the kids in my daughter's kindergarten and
preschool class told any one who tried to talk to her , that, that girl is shy
she doesn't talk..  My daughter is finally talking to more kids, but she had to
be around them a while..
We have tried meds(zoloft) did not help... So now we are trying a play
therapist.. only had 1 session, so I don't know how it will help.. We were able
to find out who her 1st grade teacher will be and she is willing to spend some
time with daughter before school starts... I wish you luck.. be strong.. Its a
hard and on going process..
Shelly



Shelly Holloway


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Hi everyone!  My 5 year old daughther has just been officially
diagnoised with selective mutism as of today.  I only had a speech
pathologist observe her...and he is unable to help because he works
for the school district.  The state of Wisconsin will not let school
districts help children with this problem.  He did however suggest
that we wait to see what K5 brings in September.  She has just
finished K4 and only spoke a total of probably 8 words, and this
wasn't until just recently.  I guess my question is what do some of
you think is wise to do.  Should I seek help now or wait to see what
happens in September?  Also I wanted to know how seriously should I
take this?  Someone said I should not take it so hard but the more I
hear about it I feel that it's more serious than some think.  This
disorder can and already has affected her socially and
accademically.  My dauther plays well with other children but very
rarely talks to them.  I have already walked my daughter to class and
had a little boy say to his father as they were walking ahead of us
say "thats Brittany but she can't talk."  What kind of problems await
her in years ahead if this is how a 4yr old thinks?  Any and all
feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Well school is now out and my daughter did not talk at all to her
kindergarten teacher. Just like the last year in preschool.. The
speach therapist did get her to say a few things, but that was a one
on one thing and not a group.. Finally at the end of this year the
school is finally taking notice and is trying to do some thing in
preperation for next year..  We allready know who the first grade
teacher will be and she has shown interest in spending time with my
daughter before school starts to hopefully help with the comfort
issues... The Dr. recomended a play therapist to help also and we
are trying that... Zoloft did not help in any way.. They are talking
about trying a different medication to see if that will help, but
that will be when school starts again.. The only good thing is, she
has talked to more kids in her class and interacts more... Just not
with adults...

from what i can tell your son is progressing quickly already from
what i learned with my daughter through this is that the less
we "push" the better she does. we keep constant goals and when she
meets those goals she is rewarding and new goals are determined. now
each child goes at there own pace. if my story is still in the
message list somewhere (i didnt check) then you can read to see how
bad it was for my daughter in public school and we ended up having to
place her in psycho-educational school. she is extremely intelligent
but socially is far behind. this past year in first grade she made
more progress than i thought was ever going to be possible and was
awarded at honors day for most improved socially. she is nowhere near
able to give an oral report in class but she is now speaking to
almost all  teachers in her little school and pretty much all of the
kids. she still wont speak to the bus driver even if she is in pain
but we go at our own pace. this summer continue having cody in
playgroup and such because it is normal to him but  if my daughter
felt pushed she ended up feeling more "in the spotlight" which made
her more fearful. the more we pretending it wasnt a thing the more
she game out. the goals remain in the background. and next year she
might start working slowly back into regular school. last week her
pediatrician that she has known her whole life finally got to hear
her voice. not directed to her though. she would speak to me in front
of her but not to the dr herself. so it may be slow going but it
moves along. just keep in mind that this is an anxiety issue that the
child can not control. none of us can control what scares us. may not
even understand it ourselves. i was very much against the medications
they wanted to prescribe for s.m. and fortunatly so was my
pediatrician. but we did find a compromise that i was comfortable
with. speak to your pediatrician about benadryl. Ours had us give
Kalynn 1 regular benadryl every day (not childrens) better to try
that in the summer if your gonna try it cause the first couple weeks
it will make the child sleep alot. but it is an anti anxiety also.
(most people like me dont know that lol ) and i have to say that was
the turning point for us. we didnt even keep her on it long just do
to hectic schedules and forgetfulness. but the couple months that she
used it got her through the big hump and now we are doing much
better. she was only 6 then so thats about the same age as cody. but
discuss it with the dr first to see if he/she thinks that would work
for him (they know your baby better than i do :) )all i can say is
what worked here and hope that any idea might help another . i know i
felt so helpless when all this first started here. and the more i
learned from others who went through it the better. even if the ideas
didnt work it at least led to more ideas or eliminated something. so
if any of this helps cody then that means kalynn didnt go through it
in vain. good luck to you both.
~Kacey~


--- In selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com, "ashlynsmom2002"
<ashlynsmom2002@y...> wrote:
> My son,Cade, is 5 1/2 years old and seems to meet all of the
> criteria of a selectively mute child.  When he started pre-school
> earlier this year he would not talk to anybody in his class
> inculding his teacher.  The teacher approached me an explained that
> she did not know how to get my son to talk.  She also had no idea
of
> his abilities, as far as academics, since he refused to answer any
> questions.  I stumbled across the term "selective mutism" and began
> to research it via the internet.  I was excited to finally figure
> out why my son acted the way he did.  I printed out every article
> that I could find on selective mutism and gave it to his teacher.
> For the last 6 months she has done a wonderful job helping Cade
feel
> comfortable to talk in class. Now he is able to talk when he is
> spoken to.  Now I am at a loss as to what the next step should be.
> His teacher said he is academically equal to his peers but he is
> socially behind.  Although he will speak in class and when out in
> public, he shows little to no interest in playing with children his
> age.  Do you have any suggestions on how I could work with him this
> summer?  I presently meet with a play-group once a week and I have
a
> boy his age over to play with Cade once a week as well.  I am open
> to suggestions.  Thanks in advance.
>
> D.J.

MY GRAND DAUGHTER HAS JUST FINISHED KINDERGARTEN AND
NEVER SPOKE TO HER TEACHER..... SHE PLAYS WELL WITH
OTHER KIDS AT HOME OR AT LEAST 10 FEET FROM THE SCHOOL
WHEN WE HAVE KIDS OVER SHE PLAYS WITH THEM AND THE
KIDS CANT BELIEVE SHE TALKS ..... MY DAUGHTER IN LAW
VIDEOED TAPED HER TO SHOW THE TEACHER SHE KNEW WHAT
SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO KNOW FOR 1 ST GRADE SHE WILL BE 6
JUNE THE 16TH. NO COUSELING OR ANY THING HAS HELPED
SHE SAYS SHE WILL TALK NEXT YEAR BUT I WILL HAVE TO
SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT.. THE TROUBLE WITH SELECT MUTISM
IS NO ONE KNOWS ANY THING ABOUT IT... THE TEACHERS
NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT OR EVEN BELIEVED IT .UNTIL OTHER
PARENTS STARTED TO TELL HER SHE IS VERY TALKATIVE AND
OUT GOING CHILD .... ALTHOUGH IN CHURCH AND THINGS SHE
HAS A BIT OF IT SHE LOOSENS UP SOME SHE HAS GOTTEN SO
SHE WONT TALK ABOUT IT LIKE IT ISNT ANY THING IF YOU
FIND ANY  THING OUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW I LIVE IN
KENTUCKY THANK YOU   SCHANN
--- ashlynsmom2002 <ashlynsmom2002@...> wrote:
> My son,Cade, is 5 1/2 years old and seems to meet
> all of the
> criteria of a selectively mute child.  When he
> started pre-school
> earlier this year he would not talk to anybody in
> his class
> inculding his teacher.  The teacher approached me an
> explained that
> she did not know how to get my son to talk.  She
> also had no idea of
> his abilities, as far as academics, since he refused
> to answer any
> questions.  I stumbled across the term "selective
> mutism" and began
> to research it via the internet.  I was excited to
> finally figure
> out why my son acted the way he did.  I printed out
> every article
> that I could find on selective mutism and gave it to
> his teacher.
> For the last 6 months she has done a wonderful job
> helping Cade feel
> comfortable to talk in class. Now he is able to talk
> when he is
> spoken to.  Now I am at a loss as to what the next
> step should be.
> His teacher said he is academically equal to his
> peers but he is
> socially behind.  Although he will speak in class
> and when out in
> public, he shows little to no interest in playing
> with children his
> age.  Do you have any suggestions on how I could
> work with him this
> summer?  I presently meet with a play-group once a
> week and I have a
> boy his age over to play with Cade once a week as
> well.  I am open
> to suggestions.  Thanks in advance.
>
> D.J.
>
>


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My son,Cade, is 5 1/2 years old and seems to meet all of the
criteria of a selectively mute child.  When he started pre-school
earlier this year he would not talk to anybody in his class
inculding his teacher.  The teacher approached me an explained that
she did not know how to get my son to talk.  She also had no idea of
his abilities, as far as academics, since he refused to answer any
questions.  I stumbled across the term "selective mutism" and began
to research it via the internet.  I was excited to finally figure
out why my son acted the way he did.  I printed out every article
that I could find on selective mutism and gave it to his teacher.
For the last 6 months she has done a wonderful job helping Cade feel
comfortable to talk in class. Now he is able to talk when he is
spoken to.  Now I am at a loss as to what the next step should be.
His teacher said he is academically equal to his peers but he is
socially behind.  Although he will speak in class and when out in
public, he shows little to no interest in playing with children his
age.  Do you have any suggestions on how I could work with him this
summer?  I presently meet with a play-group once a week and I have a
boy his age over to play with Cade once a week as well.  I am open
to suggestions.  Thanks in advance.

D.J.