I agree too. My daughter Bri did not speak at pre-school for a few months and
then her friend Ebony (a neighbour at the time and one of the rare people she
did talk to) transferred to the same pre-school and she began talking there. At
first it was just to Ebony but this meant other children and the teachers heard
her voice and eventually she began talking a lot more. It really did take a lot
of little steps (and some which seemed like going backwards).
Kylie
----- Original Message -----
From: follow.your.heart@...
To: selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, January 24, 2006 4:36 AM
Subject: Re: [Selective Mutism Support Group] My Daughter and her struggle


Hi Kristy

> In your opinion should I be encouraging her to use words with the >children
she already speaks to but now trying it on the school >property?

Yes, SM is something that needs to be tackled one step at a time. Gradually
adding in people and more words, or louder words, and different situations, is
the way to go, in my opinion.

>I have been trying to set up some sort of incentive program but do >not want
to make it to easy but not too demanding either. Did you >try anything like
this with your daughter.

Incentives can work, but only at the right time. I recently asked my daughter
if offering her a special doll or treat would help her to speak to her
grandmother (who is one of only a few relatives she doesn't speak to.) She got
very upset with me and told me that I knew that wasn't a good idea, and how
could I even ask her.

However, there are parents in this group who have used incentives to get their
child to speak in certain situations. Some use stickers that can be traded in
for a treat after so many are obtained. Some offer a bigger sized treat than
what the child will get anyway even if he doesn't speak. This cannot be done in
a mean way though, just kind of said in a carefree manner, not as a threat or
punishment.

All that being said, my daughter's school counselor did test my daughter in a
serious way. She told her that if she didn't speak to her she would no longer
be able to come to the school and see my daughter. This is not something I
would have agreed to, and did not know about until after my daughter started
speaking to her counselor. I am not sure how I feel about it, except that it
did work with my daughter. This was after more than two years of counselling,
and my daughter was making sounds and speaking to the counselor with her own
"made up" words, like her own language. I think the counselor knew that this
was just the right time to make the move of almost forcing my daughter to speak.
I hesitate to tell everyone this because I truly believe the counselor has to
know exactly what she is doing and know the child very, very well. When I first
heard what was done, ironically... I was speechless!! But within a week of
being given the ultimatum my daughter was speaking to her counselor, her teacher
and my boyfriend at the time (now my wonderful husband). I will leave it at
that and hope that some of you will give your opinions on this.

Julie
follow your heart





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