Dear Angela:

Your story is all too common. Many of us can tell the same story - different
names but still the same story. Many of us feel we are far more knowledgeable
that our professionals to whom we ask assistance and many of us end up educating
them. But, in all fairness, this disorder is still relatively unknown and it is
parents like you and me that will "stop the silence" and help our children as
well as other children.

You claim you have ordered several books on Selective Mutism. I feel the best
book to help your child at school is "The Ideal Classroom Setting for the
Selectively Mute Child" by Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum. It is about $20 U.S. and can
be ordered from the "selectivemutism.org" website. Also, the best site for
up-to-date information (I believe) is also the "selectivemutism.org" site.

In addition, the SMG~CAN organization is in the process of marketing a CD which
will define and describe the disorder that will be soon be sold on their site.
The information can be presented in PowerPoint or Microsoft Word formats and was
designed by professionals (suggested cost about $20). Until then, you can
download several articles from the aforementioned website or other sites as "The
Selectively Silent Child" and "The Quiet Room".

Two additional points and the first point is difficult. The behaviour of your
child at home and the behaviour of your child at school are both your child. He
is "laughing and shouting and bouncing" and he also is wearing a mask and wants
to hide in a corner. The school will insist your son is the latter; you will
insist your son is the former when, in fact, both are correct. Many parents
waste time trying to prove they are correct; the school also tries to do the
same when both sides should agree to work together to "lessen the anxiety" so
this child can blossom. And when you work with your school, insist that the
principal and/or resource teacher be involved as he/she will be the constant as
your child moves from grade to grade.

The second point - our sm child acted just like your son in JK and SK. Today
she is in Grade 4 with many friends, a yard buddy for smaller children during
recesses and on the winning volleyball team. She does well in school and is
able to speak to nearly everyone she meets but still has some issues with social
anxiety. The path is long and there are many "bumps" along the way, but there
is hope. And we too, designed our "intervention" program for our child. By the
way, she did not speak in school until the middle of Grade 2 and was unable to
concentrate and learn until the middle of Grade 3. As I said, it can be a long
road.

Good luck -

Joan

----- Original Message -----
From: autumefire
To: selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, December 08, 2004 2:37 PM
Subject: [Selective Mutism Support Group] Seeking a "plan"



Just sent this message to Lin as well. My son is 6 years old and
does not speak in school. He refuses to take off his jacket at the
door and must be brought in by the teacher. He went to 2 years of
preschool without speaking and kindergarten. He is now in grade one
and thankfully has an incredible teacher he took the time to talk to
me and work with me. In kindergarten, his teacher told me something
was wrong with my son, he was not normal. Can you imagine my
reaction as a mother? At home my son is loud, rambunctious, playful
and witty. I always knew he was "shy". So was I and still find
groups of people exhausting.

He went through K-d pretty much without learning anything. I think
he was just left to sit there in class. This year, his homework is
sent home and we do together. We do his math and reading at home. I
video-tape him and have seen video tapes of him at school.

Last year in K-d, he brought his two Easter Bunnies in for Show and
Tell. He was so proud of them. He was talking away as he carried
them down the hall and them he froze when he saw his class. He
dropped the basket with the rabbits and I watched a mask draw over
his bright little face. He would not interact in the classroom. He
just wanted to hide in the corner. This was not my son. My son is
laughing and shouting and bouncing about.

The paediatrician wrote a letter to his teacher advising he was
extremely shy but a bright boy. I brought him in to see an Early
Childhood Intervention worker and she mentioned there was a site on
Shyness - a shyness institute. So I looked it up on the net where I
came across a reference to Selective Mutism. I did a search. The
first page I came up with was "the Silence Within" - Have you ever
know a child... I cried and I cried as I poured over the
information. Everything I could find. It was my baby, it was
everything my son was exhibiting.

I have spent since early October fighting to get him in for a
diagnosis. I have copied so many packages on S-M. I have been faced
with a counsellor who said "S-M is a fancy term for shyness". I have
people push there faces up into his and demand of him to speak. Then
I of course become the Dragon Lady. I try explaining to people what
he has and give them tips on how to interact with him to ease his
anxiety so he is not in the spotlight.

Then finally after alot of badgering, he got an appointment for
diagnosis.

We just returned from Yellowknife where we saw a Child Psychologist.
He confirmed my diagnosis of Selective Mutism but the treatment plan
was lacking. I did not leave with one. He told me to watch
the "dance" between my son and myself and try to change patterns so
he can become more confident in school. This I found very
frustrating as he has no problem talking when he is not in school.

I picked up the books/CDs on the "Silence Within" and will adapt the
information inside into a "plan" for school and home. I feel
suddenly that I am the doctor. I got more answers from the internet
than from the Dr. He said he would send over a prescription of
5mg/day Prozac for Kenzie to try. It still has not been faxed. We
will meet by Telehealth sometime in January so he can talk to
Kenzie's Teacher (I had to insist on her attendance), his counsellor
and our family Dr.

I ordered about eight books on Selective Mutism which I am beginning
to believe will be my best resource.

I wanted a Diagnosis and I got it then I expected something else - a
plan - a direction to go in. I guess I ended up with a proverbial
pat on the hand confirming what I already believed. So I feel like I
am only one baby step ahead. He told me he would do some research on
the net and send it to me!

Some words of hope would be really great right now. I am not sure
where to go. I would like to have a Telehealth presentation offered
here to the teachers, physicians and mental health workers. May try
to get this from Philadelphia based S-M Institute.

Suggestions?

Angela McInnes
Inuvik, NT
E-Mail: angela_mcinnes@...






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