Hello,

I don't respond much to this group, only because of my lack of time, but I
try to read all the posts. Your post especially touched my heart because I
have been through the same situation as you are in. My daughter did not
speak through 2 years of preschool and kindergarten. Her kindergarten
teacher was the former school counselor, so of course I thought my daughter
was in the best hands possible. It turned into a nightmare, and she too had
no compassion or understand of my child. The good thing for you, is that
this is being dealt with so early on in the school year. Request that your
daughter be evaluated by someone who is experienced in dealing with SM. You
can get this done at the school's expense, although they might try to tell
you different. Please go visit Dr. Shipon-Blum's website at
http://www.selectivemutismcenter.org and recommend to the school to allow
you to have your daughter evaluated by her (at their expense) or that they
consult with her in their assessment and development of a school IEP plan
with your child. Look under the services offered section on the website.
She has help me tremendously with my daughter, who is now in 4th grade and
doing very well. Just remember early intervention is key though, so don't
let them tell you to wait it out. Help them see it is anxiety.....and
many people will start to see your child differently. Keep building on that
relationship with her new friend and continue to get them together outside
of school as much as possible. You will probably see a beautiful friendship
develop, as I did with my child and another little girl. They are still
best friends to to this day.

If you can, please try to bring someone along with you to the meeting on
Monday. It is best not to go alone, as you may miss something another
person would pick up on. Although you are feeling very angry right now with
the school, try not to go in on the defense but, more with a willingness to
work with them, and it will go a lot better. It will also be good for you
to read up on the educational laws and rights of your child. Search out
information on IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) on the
web. Also read up on IEP's and 504's. The Selective Mutism Group Childhood
Anxiety Network www.selectivemutism.org also has some helpful downloadable
information on selective mutism which you might want to take along with you.
I realize this is all very overwhelming to you right now, so just take it
one step at a time. Absorb what you can now and the rest will follow in
time. It took me many years to completely understand everything. Well, not
everything, as I am still learning today. Do the best you can for now and
continue to education everyone you can about SM, as that is how we all can
make a difference for the children suffering in silence.

Good luck on Monday! Let us know how you make out, as any knowledge and
information you share here will most likely help another parent out with
some unanswered questions or concerns.

So glad you started this group up Julie!!! :-)

Carol...add you input here as you know a great deal more about this issue
then I do. ;-)

Sherry

-----Original Message-----
From: megjosetti [mailto:mjosetti@...]
Sent: Friday, September 12, 2003 7:13 PM
To: selectivemutismsupportgroup2@yahoogroups.
bject: [Selective Mutism Support Group] Help fpr my daughter


Hi everyone

I am almost in tears because I have found this support group. My
daughter is 5 1/2. I always said that she turned my world upside
down when she was born. She was colicky and never wanted to sleep.
I could go on and on telling the background but my point is that I
always protected and catered to her needs and kept her in a very
safe environment so the signs of SM were not as apparent to me until
last year when she started preschool (even though I think the
tendancy was always there) We moved and she was not happy about
that and when she started preschool she never spoke. She only
attended for 2 months when we moved again (my husband and I
seperated for a short time.) I decided not to put her in a new
preschool and I devoted the spring/summer to getting our family back
together and we started to meet neighbors and I was seeing progress.
Amanda was playing with the neighbors but took a couple months
before she started talking to them. Her preschool teacher told me
about SM and then I took her for her yearly check up and the Doctor
also felt that there was a problem. With the stress in our family
this past year I still thought I could fix the situation myself.
Our family was back together and she had her Dad back who she was
very close to. I did not research SM this summer as much as I now
realize I should have but when school started 2 weeks ago I knew our
problems where not over. Which brings me to my present situation
and request for advice. Amanda has been in school for 2 weeks and
has not spoken to the teacher or the kids. I have been in constant
contact with the teacher and have forwarded extensive info on SM.
She has not responded to the info and in my opinion is handling my
daughter as a child with a behaviour problem - sort of like the
stronger person will win. She has no idea that she will not win the
battle and she will negatively affect my daghter in the process.
This week when I picked my daughter up one day she was not out at
pick up. Another teacher told me that the teacher had kept her back
to "work" with her. about 5 minutes later out comes my daughter
with the teacher and my daughter was sobbing uncontrollably. As a
mother I knew the crying had been going on for some time. The
teacher told me she was trying to get Amanda to put her papers in
her bag - this is a major issue with the teacher. I was upset but
am trying to work with the system. I told the teacher I was
thrilled she would spend indivual time with my daughter but in that
context she was doing more harm than good. She did not keep her
back again. I have had two school parents address me today with
concerns for Amanda, worried that she might not be in the right
class. Then when I dropped her off another little girl pointed to
my daughter and said "she's a gumpy butt", the teacher's assistant
did nothing and another parent reprimanded the child. I was finally
angry and after dropping my son off at preschool I called the school
and said I was on my way to speak to the principal and if she was
not available that they should have my daughter in the office
because I was taking her home. The principal was there and
waiting. She had never heard of SM (even though I sent info in and
the principal has been monitoring the situation. She felt that the
teacher was not convinced that Amanda had this condition. She stood
by her teacher as being the best of the three teachers to deal with
Amanda and scheduled a "Team Meeting" for monday with me, the
teacher, the principal, school councelor and school psycologist.
Not only do I feel outnumbered but my husband will be out of town so
cannot be there. I also find it amazing that after a child has
stood motionless in the class room for two weeks without an ounce of
progress that the school would not be calling me. In addition they
have "assigned" another little girl to help with Amanda and
encourage her. Is this fair to a 5 year old just starting school
herself? luckily I have met the little girls parents, ironically
they are both psycologists and run a group home - we have gotten the
girls together to play and although Amanda has not spoken to them
she played great and they were wonderful. Any words of advice in
dealin with the school. I want to make a difference for my dughter
and any future child at this school that may have this problem. I
also have not found a therapist in the area that is familiar with
SM - I live in Delaware. In closing, I am sure this sounds familiar
but when in a comfortable environment my daughter is outgoing,
funloving, mature and very bright. It is so hard to see a child
with so much potential suffering with this anxiety. How can this
town and this school district not know about this problem. There is
a downs syndrome boy in the class that they are accomidating yet the
principal told me that they are not equipped to deal with my
dughters problem. Sorry this was so long but I have 5 1/2 years of
dealing with this alone so I am spilling my guts. I look forward to
responses


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