Dear Cheri,<br><br>I lost my mother to this
horrible disease on January 27th of this year. My mother
was a hard workingwomen her entire life and had to in
addition deal with the stress of raising three kids as a
single mother. She would periodically complain about not
feeling well, but doctors always diagnosed her with
overworked and being depressed. But about three going on
four years ago, my mother had a mammogram. Two day's
latter she developed a rash under her armpit. This was
diagnosed as shingles. Although the singles didn't spread
very far, she became very ill. I can say that my
mother was never the same active women as of this time.
Her symptoms become more and more painful. A doctor
along with tow ortho surgeon diagnosed her with carpal
tunnel. Her symptoms increased. Still no diagnosis. A
friend of mine told me my mother may be suffering from
Lupus and that I show demand a ref to specialist. My
mother was diagnosed Wednesday November 27th. She was
given two to three years to live. This was based on the
history of how she progressed over the last three years.
Needless to say I was divested. I never told my mother. I
was determined to learn as much about this condition
as possible. I read the Scleroderma Book in one day
and now knew what my mother and I would be dealing
with. The book gave me some hope. I was determined to
try new treatments for my mother. I had an
appointment at a center of reum in Redlands Calif. where they
have treated the disease with antibiotics. My mother
suffered a heart attack Dec 25th and never left the
hospital. She was only 55 years old. I have many of issues
I must learn to deal with. I try to stay focus and
think about helping others and raising public
awareness. This is really hard to do when I am feeling so
much emotional pain. I remember not like things about
my life, wanting to change this or that. Now I wish
I could be who I was. I will never be happy again.
I will never be loved so unconditionally again. She
is gone and I am left alone. Alone to look out for
my daughter and my husband with no one to share my
failures and glory's with. I hate this disease, it has
destroyed my life. I may not have scleroderma today (maybe
I never will) but it has destroyed me. It's rocked
my faith, it's robbed me of my happiness, it made me
insecure of my daughters health in the future, my health
in the future, as well as my sibling health. This
disease took my dreams, my plans for growing old with my
mother. My mother was a great woman. I am sad and I am
angry and those two emotions are not letting me be. I
feel good writing this. I feel good crying. It helps
me feel empty. Oh, I will fill up again. I am sorry
to hear you also lost your mother to this disease.
Truly I am sorry. Cheri how old was your mother? I am
33 years old and live in Woodland Hills, CA. I am
going to be the support group leader for the
scleroderma foundation in the west valley area starting Jan
2001. I will continue to educate myself on this disease
and work on healing my pain on a daily basis. If you
would like to e-mail me I have to
addresses:<br><br>annette@... (that
work)<br>anet_90065@...<br><br>I hope
you are doing well and may god bless
you.<br><br>Thanks for listening.<br><br>Sincerely<br>Anet