Tanya-

The most important thing to remember is that you ARE NOT a bad mommy because of
how you are feeling right now. Every one of us that has been through a
completed
subsequent pregnancy has felt how you are feeling right now - I am in the middle
of my
2nd subsequent pregnancy and still feel like you are right now. As to when you
will stop
worrying, well that is up to you. It is different for every mom. Some moms
feel better
once they pass the point in this pregnancy where they lost their baby. Some
moms don't
stop worrying until after their baby is here.

After we lost Ryan and I found out that I was pregnant with Luke I did
everything within my
power to be "normal". I was mad that I had been robbed of the innocence of
pregnancy
and was determined to do the things I would have done if I had not had a loss.
Sometimes
I was successful, other times I was a mess. For me, I learned that my
imagination would
take over if I let it and then I would worry about everything and I mean
EVERYTHING.
When I got like that, I would force myself to stop - a mind over matter kind of
thing. It
worked for me but may not be the thing for you. I do know that you have a
choice - you
can either decide to control the fear that you are feeling or you can let it
control you. Your
fear is completely normal until it takes over. This pregnancy is going to be
scary, there is
no way around that but it will only be as scary as you let it be. I found a lot
of comfort and
still do for my current pregnancy through my faith and my church - if you have a
similar
outlet, I would suggest to plug into it and you might be surprised at the peace
you can
find.

As for not being able to write in the journal - again this is a natural
response. Try doing
something for this baby that you didn't do for Kayden. If you journaled last
time, try doing
a scrapbook this time or maybe try doing audio or video recordings.

People that have not been through what you have will never have any idea how you
are
feeling now. When we got pregnant with Luke we sent out an email to all of our
family and
friends explaining how we were feeling. We explained that we were happy to be
pregnant
but that we were scared and that nothing they could say would change that. We
explained
that we were still grieving for Ryan and that this new pregnancy did not replace
him. We
were brutally honest and it actually paid off. Most of our family and friends
were
supportive of where we were at and respected that. At the end of the email, we
gave
everyone a list of what they could do to be helpful and what would not be
helpful - they
seemed to appreciate that very much. This was especially helpful since they did
not know
what to do/not do or how they should be acting around us. It was a hard email
to write
but in the end I feel like it actually made a difference in making my pregnancy
a little
easier emotionally.

Hang in there - I know it is hard. You can only get through this pregnancy one
day at a
time so try and enjoy what you can of it....

Tammy


--- In sasubpregsupport@yahoogroups.com, Tanya Mitchell <tanyamitchell@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi all:
>
>
> My name is Tanya and I am not sure if I have met any of you all via SHARE but
I too am
so happy this group has been formed! Finally, I can talk to someone about how I
feel and
they won't think I am crazy...
>
> In February of 2005, when I was 21 weeks, I went to a regular doctor's appt.
The dr was
checking for the baby's heartbeat and it was not there. He then did an
ultrasound and we
saw our lifeless baby on the screen. My life at that point took a turn. I made
it through that
rough period of my life thanks to all of the people at SHARE.
>
> Well now, I am pregnant again. We are due in January and none of my friends
can not
understand why I am not extremely excited. I am happy and I feel very blessed
but
honestly, I am scared. When I discovered I located the box that I I kept all of
Kayden's
things. Kayden was my son, my little angel! I found the pregnancy journal and
books ...tons of things. I also found a journal that I did not write in. I
thought great I can
use it for this baby. Do you know I am scared to write in the journal. I know it
is irrational
but I feel if I start a journal, I will end up loosing this baby as well. I do
not feel as attached
as I did with Kayden. I feel like I am a bad mommy to be..... I do love this
child and I pray
that he/she makes it here safely and healthy. I am scared to form a bond because
that
pain was unbelievable I do not want to experience that again. Ladies, how do I
get to the
point where I am not worrying? How do I become attached to this pregnancy? Why
can't
other
> understand that I am nervous and why do they judge when they have never been
in my
shoes? When I went for my first ultrasound, I was shaking. I had flashbacks
from when I
saw Kayden's lifeless, no heartbeat! When I heard this baby's heartbeat I just
cried and
cried... Any advice would be so greatly appreciated! Thanks for letting me get
this out!
> Tanya
>
>
>
>
>
> "Happiness is a journey not a destination; therefore, Work like you don't need
the
money, Love like you've never been hurt and Dance like noone is watching"...
>
> "T"
>
>
> ---------------------------------
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