Hi everyone,

Last month I spent eleven days in a psychiatric hospital due to a
suicide attempt. As I was sitting in my room trying to conjure up
happy thoughts for the nurses, I began to realize that this was not
working. The whole hospital thing. Yet it was the only thing that was
keeping me alive. It was like a paradox. I was there because of
suicide but I could not talk about it, because to do so would make
things worse for me.

I looked back on the journey that brought me to that hospital and I
realized that I had been hospitalized five times and I had made
thirteen attempts on my life. I remember thinking, could I be addicted
to this and wouldn't that be interesting if someone had created a
group for this kind of thing. I didn't think I was lucky enough that
it would be called Suicide Anonymous, but sure enough I found it and
the creators sounded like they had something new.

Let me give a little background info. I'm a 35 yo male born and raised
in California but moved to Wisconsin with in the past three years
because of economics and poor mental health. I'm diabetic and I suffer
from peripheral neuropathy (painful nerve damage). It use to be that a
few times a year the pain would get so bad that all I could think
about was "a way out". Now the pain was one that level on a daily basis.

I remember in '03 sitting in bed and looking up ways to do "it". I
didn't want to feel anymore pain so anything that would be too painful
was out. Besides after reading, none of them were fool proof. Most of
the methodology has horrible side effects if done wrong. Until I
learned about insulin overdose. That revelation scared the hell out me
so badly I went directly to the hospital.

Now, I'm learning that with proper diabetic control I can actually
ease the pain (thought not all the way) and ease my depression.

I don't feel like I'm out of the wood and I would like to go to a SA
meeting but I don't think there are any in my area (Green Bay, WI). So
I might just have to create one of my own.

I'm not familiar with any 12 step program but I think that if I can
take the time to learn how to die, I think I can take the time to
learn how to live.

- Chris