Thanks Taryn,<br><br>I think this whole therapy
thing has made me open my eyes a bit. I hit that crash
point when I was in Canada and living in the shelter.
Lost 20 pounds in one month and then they sent me to
the hospital. They probably would have admitted but I
do believe that devine intervention stepped in and
there weren't enough beds. It was then that I realized
I had to do something so I started seeing a
psychologist there, but then the word came that I could leave
and I was definitely on an adrenaline high for
several weeks. I truly believed when I got here that I
would be better and then - Crash - and I knew it was
time to come out with all of the dysfunctional family
stuff and all the other stuff I did to myself. There
wasn't a way to get better unless I told
all.<br><br>Funny, in Junior High I knew the song "They're coming to
take me Away HA HA" by heart. Little did I know that
that was how I would feel at a point in my
life.<br><br>As for normal - remember this..... Normal is just a
setting on the dryer.<br><br>I have found a great
Christian Rock radio station out here and got a few of the
CDS. Music, my sanctuary. In one of the houses that I
housesat at during the summer they had that room. Just two
leather swivel chairs, ottomans and the stereo with large
speakers. It was wonderful. One day, it will take some
time, I will have that room. Until then I will make do
with this little sanctuary that I have here. At least
I am not in a basement anymore and I have a
terrific view of the Lake... There is peace watching the
sunrise. Now to slow down enough to really intruly
appreciate it.<br><br>My meds were increased today. Remeron
to 45 mg and Trazadone to 100 mg. Both to be taken
at bedtime. They are really working on me getting a
good nights sleep. At least now when I wake up I just
say prayers and try my best not to get out of bed or
else I know I will be up for hours. If I have to say
the Lords Prayer 200 times, nothing bad will
happen...just give me some peace.<br><br>Believe me, this
wasn't an easy step. And my ultimate goal.. to be better
and then go back to school for my Early Childhood
Education Degree. After doing daycare for 10 years and
working in the boys school for all those years I have
found that the only place I find true happiness is
working with kids.. I miss the barage of hugs that I
would get each morning at school. Those hugs, they
meant so much to me as my life was in turmoil waiting
to find out whether or not I was going to leave or
not. They were all so happy the first day of school
when they saw me as I thought all of it would have
been done and over by September. But it wasn't in the
plan. I had to reach this low to get help for myself.
Again, divine intervention.<br><br>The boys are doing
okay with this. They really are my strength even
though they have their moments. And to think that he
told me to get rid of both of them when I told him. I
did have my tubes tied after the second but love
those 2 so much as they got me through each
day.<br><br>Well that's all for now. They should be home
soon.<br><br>Brenda