Hi Sandra--- I hear what you are asking, but you are the only one who
can determine if your relationship with T is "a lost cause". She
probably thinks SHE is "lost", much of the time. You've done some
reading and maybe you know more than I about this... but it sounds
like T is doing the "testing" and "distancing" that's typical of many
survivors of SA when they are trying to sort things out. And you have
to sort out what feels "right" from your own perspective... because
you're feeling the fallout of her abuse, which feels very much like
abuse of you, at times. And at other times, all you know is the love
you have for her. Whatever happens, and whatever your ultimate
decision may be, please know that you've played an important part in
T's healing.