I can't believe I am back here posting after two long years. For
those who don't make it through the relationship with a person who
has been SA, let me offer my own experiences.

I thought I had finally healed from what happened to me from a person
that was SA and would not deal with the after affects. I felt my
confidence return and the codependant effects of trying to help a
person that was unable or unwilling to address her past subsided with
therapy and time. I was with a scarred person unable to find the
courage to deal with the problems of the past and she hurt me through
infidelity and unfaithfulness to the extent that they write movies
about. I sincerely doubt she has dealt with the problems today,
although I have no idea.

Two years later, I am writing after having lost a relationship that
was much more valuable to me and I truly believe that it is a result
of my pent up rage of my last experience with a SA survivor. In
other words, I spread the effects of the abuse of my last
relationship to another, in which neither person was SA. I can't
help but feel victimized, although I sincerely realize it ultimately
is my fault and I am taking responsibility.

Everyone that is in difficult situations, I urge you to look at your
abilities to deal with anger healthily. My ex that had SA
experiences could not. My new girlfried (that I thought was the one)
nor I could deal with anger in the right ways. Please look and
passive aggressive anger problems. I have exhibited it. It defined
my ex that was SA's, and unfortunately I fell in the exact same rut
as a result of my most recent ex-girlfriend's passive aggressive
tendancies.

By the way, to hopefully accentuate my credibility, I have been in
therapy off and on during both these relationships for years. I have
been told that I am healty, but hang on too long to lost causes. It
is hard to give up on someone you are loyal to but sometimes must.
It's just difficult to determine what that point is.

Long story short - dont' get caught in my rut and ruin the next
relationship due to baggage from your past. And in addition to
looking at SA issues, take some time to look at something less
dramatic that many people exhibit, passive aggressive anger. It can
send you spiraling down the same dark corridors of codependancy that
living with a SA survivor can lead. Be stronger that me.

Know when to take care of yourself and know when to get out. Some
people don't have the courage to face truths and heal.

Peace.