Hi There,

I am a survivor of childhood incest and It does make you feel worthless, angry,
low low self esteem, you literally take everything somebody says to heart as you
have no sense of value of yourself.

Ok so you said some stupid things in the heat of the moment,,,,,,,,,dont we
all????  I know it is hard but please try not to beat yourself up over it, maybe
comfort your wife as much as you can, and explain that you were in the wrong,
and you never meant any of what you said.

In my experience, someone might say something silly to me, and I will blow it up
to be bigger, because of my past I expect to be hurt, its common in incest
survivors, we always throw up our defenses to protect ourselves because that is
all we know..........sounds like subconciously that is what your wife is doing.

Time is a great healer, and keep communicating!

Hope this helps.

Claire




________________________________
From: dnlcf <no_reply@yahoogroups.com>
To: positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, October 11, 2009 8:00:50 PM
Subject: [POS Triggers

 
Hello:

I am new to the group. My wife is a survivor of childhood incest and adult rape.
She has been going through a lot lately since about a year and a half ago that
she came to terms with her abuse. I write to ask about how the partner handles
triggers and the explosions that follow if a trigger is pulled. Last night, I
said some REALLY stupid things that devalued my partner and brought to the fore
her self-esteem and self-worth issues that she has wrestled with all her life.
She has said that she will hear me saying those things for the rest of her life.
I feel so guilty.

What can I do here?







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