My husband and I have been married for 9 1/2years. I know that as a child he was
sexually abused my members in his church. When we first started dating he was
always "I love you/I never loved you". We would break up and get back together.
When we got married and had our first child it was much the same way but the
periods of happiness would last anywhere from 9months to 1 year before we would
do it all over again.We would only separate for about a month before he would
tell me he was wrong and want me to come back. He always seemed to tell me he
was unhappy when we as a family were the most happy. We went through this for
many years and I have always stuck by because I just felt sure that this isn't
what he really wanted, that he was hurting and confused and that if he just got
help that he could be that man that he kept trying to be and for almost a year
at a time was. Back in 2007 he did it again( I don't love you, I never loved
you, this isn't working, I'm not happy). I moved out of state and back in with
my parents taking our 2 children with me. He would always call and ask me how I
was doing, was i doing alright, telling me it was for the best, that I deserved
better. HE finally made the decision that he should seek treatment and started
seeing a therapist. Four months into treatment he wanted to get back together
that he had been wrong, that he had just be frustrated about little things and
just let them exploded. The kids and I moved back home. He continued going to
counseling until his therapist told him that he was better. We have been totally
happy the 4 of us, we are constantly laughing and joking, playing around, we do
stuff with the kids and we had been trying to find the time to do things just as
a couple even if its just a dinner out. Then a 1 1/2 weeks ago I started
noticing some slight changes in him right after we had a discussion about
money(not a fight or an argument just a talk). I didn't say anything to him at
the time waiting and watching. Finally last Wednesday I asked him and this is
what I got;"I don't see us being together in the future, I see myself being
alone, I am a happier person when I am alone" He told me that he has not been
happy, I told him I couldn't think of a time in that past year when I haven't
seen him happy. He tried to tell me that I wasn't happy either, and that I
deserved someone better, someone that wanted to do family things together(like
go to disney for our sons 8th birthday) he said that he liked doing stuff with
the kids and that he liked it when I did stuff with the kids but when it was all
4 of us it just annoyed him(i never even saw a hint of this). He was also very
clear that he was not leaving and that he wasn't going anywhere that he would
"try". Well hes been "trying" for over a week now and I am a complete mess
inside!!! One day i'm good, understanding, patient(I accept that he wont touch
me, kiss me or tell me that he loves me) its like living with a roommate who
shares your bed. The next day I wake up and I'm angry and hurt and confused by
the whole thing! He wont really talk to me( we surface chatter, especially in
front of the kids so they don't have to know whats going on)but he wont talk
about whats going on and after that first discussion I have not asked. I have
tried very hard make sure that I act a normal as possible, that if he wants to
laugh and talk and joke I will too but if he doesn't what to talk then I am
silent, I have not pushed him. I cannot keep doing this, his "trying" doesnt
seem like "trying" to me. He is pulling away from me and I don't see how this is
supposed to help our relationship or our marriage. How long is this supposed to
last? what am I supposed to do??? Where did my husband go who used to call me
just to tell me that he was driving by my work so that he could honk and I could
waive? Or the guy who would just drop by and bring me lunch or coffee, or just
call me cause he was making a run for work and just wanted to talk? I husband
who always greeted me at the top of the stairs when I got home and said "wheres
my kiss?" The guy who was always touching or hugging me? WHAT"S GOING
ON?????!!!!!