Interesting, Patricia,

Turns out my CSA survivor wife is reading the same book, got it from a group
she's in, must be making the rounds. She told me that in one story, "Making
Sandwiches," what the stepfather did to Sharon is what happened to her, down to
trying to escape his clutches by walking fast, and that how Sharon reacts --
turning off sexually to any man she cares about, but not to men she doesn't care
about -- was exactly how she reacted.
This came as completely new information to me, since she's told me almost
nothing about her abuse, never admitted this detail before (though I tried to
get her to talk about it countless times, maybe more than I should have -- you
all know what I'm talking about).
In any event, this was more information that I've gotten before in all the
years we've been together.
So I look forward to reading it. She says it's on Amazon, if not in the library.

Daniel


--- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "Patricia"
<dovewhispers@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Dawn -
>
> Welcome back. I think I remember you. I'm sorry your ex-relationship is
still so complicated. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just turn-off our
love when we realized we were in a "bad" relationship?
>
> I haven't been participating much in the group lately either. But I'm glad to
see you're back and I hope I can provide some support for you. You mentioned
reading books -- I found one that helped me. A great book on CSA. Since we
often talk here about books that helped us, I want to pass along this. I don't
read much fiction, but I stumbled across a story in a short-story collection
that is about a CSA survivor whose marriage is on the rocks because of her
previous abuse.
>
> The book was recommended by my therapist, who often suggests readings on
themes we talk about. Most of the stories in the book are about various people
going through crucial transitions in their life, changing from one kind of
person to another right before your eyes.
> In the story about CSA, the woman starts recalling her earlier abuse kind of
in flashes. She freezes up sexually with her husband, and can't even think
straight, starts obsessing on things like the noises her dishwasher makes and
fears about her daughter being abused like she was. She loves her husband but
can't relate to him sexually.
> With her marriage on the rocks, she decides to confront her mother, since she
blames her for what not protecting her from what her step-father did. I won't
want to give away the end, but the last scene had me in tears! Since she does
something I've thought of doing, I actually felt cleansed after I read it.
>
> The book is called "Where Things Are When You Lose Them" by Martin Golan - the
idea is all the stages of loss in our lives. like "losing" the abuse in your
past.
>
> I hope it helps you find some peace. It helped me.
>
> Be strong girlfriend - be strong!
> Pat
>
>
>
>
>
> --- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "Dawn" <dawgdawn@> wrote:
> >
> > I joined this group briefly in July/August of 2008. I left when my partner
and I split up and it looked like she wasn't coming back. Well, she's back in my
life, but we are just friends.
> >
> > Of course, it's more complicated than that. For all intents and purposes, we
are in a casual relationship--A friends with benefits situation. I thought I
could handle this. Some days I can. What I have trouble with is dealing with the
distant times that follow the intimate times that we have.
> >
> > We recently spent 5 days together on vacation and it was great. It felt
almost like we were a couple again. But I got too comfortable with that because
when we got home, it was like I didn't exist again. She was busy with all her
other friends and didn't want me around.
> >
> > I wish I could move on but I still love her and still want her to love me
back. And I find myself waiting for her call again and missing her and feeling
depressed when I don't hear from her.
> >
> > I'm trying to read the books and live my life as I've read about so many
others doing in this situation, but most of the times I feel like I should be
getting a medal for putting up with this. then I have to wonder why I keep doing
this to myself.
> >
> > Anyway. I'm back. Not sure for how long, but would appreciate any support.
> >
> > Dawn
> >
>