I'm sorry Dawn to hear that. I think I would like to hear about how some of
these couples work out - but I think, at least on this list, it is rare.



I had a girlfriend/partner too that was a "come closer - go away" relationship.
I was really in love with her and grieved for a long time when it was over - and
for us it was over when I was no longer willing to be a part of it. Now it's
been about 2 years and I stopped even talking to her after a hateful email she
sent me, about 10 months ago. I keep the email because it does help me remember
some of the dark side of the relationship. Now, when I look back and still
desire her (or the part of her that I loved) I understand that unless massive
changes occured that my relationship with her would cycle back to the hurtful
cycle it became.



Good luck - I did this all in my own time and that worked for me.



Alisa



To: positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com
From: dawgdawn@...
Date: Sun, 7 Jun 2009 13:41:36 +0000
Subject: [POS Re: Remember me?







Thanks for the suggestion. Sadly, it seems I've joined again and probably don't
need to be here. Not right now anyway. I found out yesterday that she is dating
someone else now and will likely repeat the pattern with this new person. It's
only a matter of time.

I won't unsubscribe from the list since I suspect she will be back at some
point. Hopefully I'll be in a better place and not sitting around waiting for
her to come back.

Dawn

--- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "Patricia"
<dovewhispers@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Dawn -
>
> Welcome back. I think I remember you. I'm sorry your ex-relationship is still
so complicated. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just turn-off our love when
we realized we were in a "bad" relationship?
>
> I haven't been participating much in the group lately either. But I'm glad to
see you're back and I hope I can provide some support for you. You mentioned
reading books -- I found one that helped me. A great book on CSA. Since we often
talk here about books that helped us, I want to pass along this. I don't read
much fiction, but I stumbled across a story in a short-story collection that is
about a CSA survivor whose marriage is on the rocks because of her previous
abuse.
>
> The book was recommended by my therapist, who often suggests readings on
themes we talk about. Most of the stories in the book are about various people
going through crucial transitions in their life, changing from one kind of
person to another right before your eyes.
> In the story about CSA, the woman starts recalling her earlier abuse kind of
in flashes. She freezes up sexually with her husband, and can't even think
straight, starts obsessing on things like the noises her dishwasher makes and
fears about her daughter being abused like she was. She loves her husband but
can't relate to him sexually.
> With her marriage on the rocks, she decides to confront her mother, since she
blames her for what not protecting her from what her step-father did. I won't
want to give away the end, but the last scene had me in tears! Since she does
something I've thought of doing, I actually felt cleansed after I read it.
>
> The book is called "Where Things Are When You Lose Them" by Martin Golan - the
idea is all the stages of loss in our lives. like "losing" the abuse in your
past.
>
> I hope it helps you find some peace. It helped me.
>
> Be strong girlfriend - be strong!
> Pat
>
>
>
>
>
> --- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "Dawn" <dawgdawn@> wrote:
> >
> > I joined this group briefly in July/August of 2008. I left when my partner
and I split up and it looked like she wasn't coming back. Well, she's back in my
life, but we are just friends.
> >
> > Of course, it's more complicated than that. For all intents and purposes, we
are in a casual relationship--A friends with benefits situation. I thought I
could handle this. Some days I can. What I have trouble with is dealing with the
distant times that follow the intimate times that we have.
> >
> > We recently spent 5 days together on vacation and it was great. It felt
almost like we were a couple again. But I got too comfortable with that because
when we got home, it was like I didn't exist again. She was busy with all her
other friends and didn't want me around.
> >
> > I wish I could move on but I still love her and still want her to love me
back. And I find myself waiting for her call again and missing her and feeling
depressed when I don't hear from her.
> >
> > I'm trying to read the books and live my life as I've read about so many
others doing in this situation, but most of the times I feel like I should be
getting a medal for putting up with this. then I have to wonder why I keep doing
this to myself.
> >
> > Anyway. I'm back. Not sure for how long, but would appreciate any support.
> >
> > Dawn
> >
>










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