Hello

I am sorry about your situation. Your friend's strong reaction /trigger may
indicate a good time to seek some professional counselling, even if it is just
to address how he responds to triggers and bad memories.

But it is up to him.

Although everything tells you there is help and he can be helped, it is always
up to him to know when to start and seek help. In the same way, I would not
recommend you tell his family about this unless he expressly tell you he needs
you to do this for him. Unless there is some immediate consequence in not
taking action (life/death); providing/pushing help on a survivor will generally
be seen as more of a hinderance/nuisance anything. These feelings are new to
you; not to them. Because of this, you may want to look at getting some
counselling for yourself, in the event you may be suffering from secondary
trauma.

Your post also does not indicate how old you both are. That, sometimes is also
a factor when it comes to relationships and healing.

Take care.





--- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "desbabestr"
<desbabestr@...> wrote:
>
> my boyfriend told me in the beginning of our relationship that he had been
raped as a child when he attended summer camp. At the time I really thought
that he was okay with it, or had come to terms with it, but the last few months
he has began to think about it on the constant. The other night when he went to
the store he saw a man who looked like his rapist and he completely lost his
mind. It got so bad he went to bar and had 6 long island ice teas and who knows
what else, and then he continued to drive home drunk in the process. When he
got into bed he broke down, and I had to convince him that the man who raped him
as child was in jail and could never hurt him again (although he got away with
it)
>
> I am trying my best to support him because his family has no idea that it ever
happened, and he has no desire to tell them. I try to tell him that he has
every right to feel violated, and that it is not his fault, he was just a little
kid, he had no idea what to think.
>
> I have no idea where else to turn. He does not want to see a therapist or try
support groups, and this is starting to impact him physically. Should I let his
mother know what happened or will that make it worse? How do I get him on the
road to recovery? He is not the person I fell in love with anymore, how do I
help?
>