This is my first post. I have been with a woman for five years who
has been abused sexually, physically, and mentally by people in her
family her whole life. Her Mom left her when she was 4 years old and
had to live with her Aunt who was extremelly abusive. Her cousin who
lived in the house with her molested her when she was 5 and the Aunt
didn't do anything about it. The cousin eventually went to prison
due to beating his wife with a bat. However the Aunt would take my
fiance when she was about 12 to prison to visit the cousin even
though she did not want to see him. Within a year in the
relaitonship I found out that the Aunt beat my fiance 2 times to the
point where she almost killed her when she was a child. I also found
out that her Aunt molested her brother. Whenever my fiance sees her
aunt or talks to her aunt she becomes suicidal and does things to
hurt herself. For the first year I was very good with her I was very
supportive I would see her family whenever she wanted me to go over
even though I hated doing it. As time has gone by she has revealed
more and more inforamtion about her aunt and her family. I have
found out that the majority of the people in her family have abused
children. As the time has grown so has my hate. I refuse to see her
family. Theres times where I do not want her to see her family. It
has been hard because she won't let me talk to anyone or get help. I
feel at times like shes trying to protect the people who are abusive.
In November she wanted to get married right away with me and then
she took an extreme turn in December and broke up with me and said
that she needs her space to figure out if she does in fact want to be
with me. I think the two big things that triggered this was 1) She
wanted me to go to her Aunts 60th Birthday Party last summer and I
refused to go. I was so upset because she told me during the week
that we will not have kids because of her Aunt, that we will never be
happy because of her Aunt, and our life will revolve around what the
Aunt has done. I did not want to go somewhere and sing happy
birthday to someone I feel is dictating our life.
2) For the last two years we have been going to a side of a family
that she never grew up with that are very loving and normal. We have
had very good times seeing them for the holidays. She told me in
November that she doesn't want to spend time with those people and
that she wants to spend time with her Aunt and the side of the family
that is abusive. She told me that what her aunt did was okay and
defended her Aunt. I just got angry and started yelling at her. I
kept thinking about her brother who is suicidal due to her Aunt and
all the pain her Aunt has caused her that I just blew up.

She told me a few weeks ago that the reason why she broke up with me
is due to the family, and that she will not contact me for awhile and
that she wanted me to get counseling and that she is going to get
counseling as well. She said she needs to figure out if she wants to
marry me.

I need help. I am seeing a counselor and things are going very
well. I love her with all my heart and she is the love of my life.
What do I do with this anger that I have for her family. Is there
any books out there or anything. All I keep thinking about is the
fact that this person almost killed the women I love twice and not
sure if the person I love will end up hurting herself to the point of
no return. She wants me to see these people. I feel that if we could
get over the family situation we would be very happy. What do I do?
Any advice would mean a lot to me.

Thanks
Chris
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