Got a call from my ex, she told me our son was missing me, wanted to
know if I would come and get him. The tone of her voice was blank
and distant. I asked her if everything was alright, of course she
answered yes, but then, there was that pause and she is not doing
well. Dealing with the things that a survivor deals with, trying to
stay in the world in which we reside, but being taunted to that world
of someplace else. I talked to her for a while, did what I could and
we parted, Youngun in tow, giving her time and space, something I was
incapable of doing when we were together.
You see, I think it all boils down to loving someone. I think I will
forever love her. I know that I will never be able to fix what is
broken, and how much it violates what I have learned about my own
issues of needing to be needed. She is and forever will be the one
that got away, the one that I couldn't convince that everything would
be alright... and make it so. I can deal with that. I am with a
woman that makes me happier than I ever thought possible, and I am
dealing with my own little insecurities that arise in that
relationship, like accepting that I have no control of what it will
be and that is alright, and even if it isn't alright at the moment,
give it time and believe in the love we hold for one another and she
is always there for me and I didn't have to earn it, it just is...
but that is rambling on to build up to the point that it is very
possible to love more than one person.
I love my ex with all of my heart. I understand her better than any
human being on this planet, and I also accept that no matter how much
I know about her, no matter how much I love her, there is that little
girl inside that comes out and says that everything in this world is
dangerous and the trust is gone... I don't take it personal now, it
was something I couldn't cope with while I was trying to save the
marriage, but somehow, I can muster a smile, tell her that she is
loved and wish her the best. Life goes on... My son and I say
bedtime prayers and we end it with "God bless everyone I love; teach
me to love everyone. Thank you for our lives and all the treasures
in it."

Teach me to love everyone.

What a concept eh?

Simon

Hey Carrie, you heard from E?