J,
I sincerely think that if I could have gotten the understanding that
I have now on co-dependence when the break down started, that my
partner and I could have made it. It would have meant a whole lot
of letting go, and it would have been tough, but I look at my
relationship with her now, a best friend, and I know that the
relationship as husband and wife could have worked.
Of course I didn't have the knowledge of co-dependence. I used to
curse any who would have come on here suggesting it, and gone off on
a rant about loving someone is not co-dependence. Which is true in
and of itself, however, there is so much more to it. That need to
be the one to fix things, that need to appear in control... well
there are books written on the topic, so not going to fill the page
here on the matter, but feel compelled to comment on something
Daniel posted.
I respect that everyone's situation is different, and we tend to
look at them subjectively. I do not assume that it applies to
everyone. I do know that addressing issues in my life (my co-
dependency) has changed my life and improved my understanding of
what happened so I am better prepared to deal with the relationship
that we will continue to share since she and I had a child together.
I offer my experiences on here for guidance for those that can get
something from it, take what you want and need from it, leave the
rest.

simon

--- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "danielsherenow"
<ragman21@...> wrote:
>
> J.,
> Yes, for sure.
> People grow and change.
> One of the problems is that everyone takes their own experience,
> subjective as that is, and assumes it applies to everyone. But
we're
> all different.
> If you've been together for eight years, something must be
working,
> and something must be worth waiting for. You must love her.
> This is not something to be taken lightly. Many people wait their
> whole lives to really love someone.
> We've all felt lonely. People in relationships that are "working"
> often feel lonely.
> My sense is that this woman is worth it -- or else you wouldn't
have
> bothered to seek out this site, to try to figure her out.
> And she sounds worth figuring out.
> Look into yourself. You're not "co-dependent" as much as a guy
trying
> to love a woman.
> Keep us posted,
>
> Daniel
>
>
>
> --- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "lcals67"
> <lcals67@> wrote:
> >
> > Hi,
> >
> > I'm new to the group but fairly old to my relationship :)
> >
> > I've been with my partner for going on 8 years now and our
> > relationship has suffered for 6 ½ of those years. With the
> skilled
> > help from a therapist over the last 3 years, she is in a
position
> to
> > move forward with her healing which makes me very happy for her
and
> I
> > hope that she can heal what happened to her as a child.
> >
> > I'm here because I am struggling in several areas and I'm hoping
> that
> > in "talking" with people who have been or who are in a similar
> > situation can offer me advice or just someone to talk to in this
> > seemingly lonely place.
> >
> > My own background is a co-dependent and I understand that it's
not
> > only her that has to change, I have to do it as well and I'm
doing
> my
> > best to not take responsibility for someone else's problems,
(not
> > only with my partner but with other people around me) but I have
my
> > days.
> >
> > Are there any positive stories here? Where someone has actually
> > stayed and things improved?
> >
> > I appreciate your replies, any and all.
> >
> > :)
> > J
> >
>