I picked up a book about Archbishop Desmond Tutu, titled believe.
The key that he stresses is that we need each other to be, human.
That is the being part of it all. Human beings are born knowing
nothing, we are subjected to experiences and taught how to react.
There are post partners of survivors that hold angst for the hell
that they went through with their survivors. It is understandable,
but there is that part of life that we take what has happened and
analyze it and put it in its proper place. For me, I know that I
would never have taken therapy seriously simply because I knew
everything, and it was all her fault... lol. The pain of losing my
survivor opened my eyes to the depth of reality and changed me for
the better. With the change in me, change came about for her also,
so if you are looking for a success story, I guess that is almost
good enough to put in the win column. She is with someone else, a
genuine good guy, and she has worked on and continues to work on her
CSA issues. I after much introspection have come to accept that
every human being holds their own unique truths, and the world is not
a perfect place and it is not my job to try to make it that way. I
am very much in love with a wonderful woman who was never molested,
never traumatized, and has a very strong grasp on what goodness,
kindness, and caring mean. I remain friends with my ex, we share
custody of our child together and life moves on, with friends
(including my ex)that I love deeply and accept for being who they are.

My ex did some horrible rotten things to me, I forgave them. It took
a little longer for me to forgive myself. I had to come to terms
with all of the things that I had an active part in, I had to deal
with the fact that the marriage failed... I failed. I had to come to
terms that I sought out troubled individuals all of my life thinking
that if I somehow made their life better I would earn their
love/respect. I had to forgive myself for not accepting others'
truths. Everyone has their own black and white. The age old
arguement that it is not black or white that the truth resides in
some grey area, is bullshit. It is Black or White, right or wrong,
but you need to accept that what is true for you is not always going
to be true to others and that is alright too. Accept your own
truths, decide what you want and life follows.

Simon