Thank you Simon for your honesty.


I think perhaps one of the biggest issues with applying and accepting
such terms is the SAME for all of us human beings- WE FEEL JUDGED AND
LESS THAN somehow than the other over there....

For those of you who are continuing with your partners who are CSA's,
remember that feeling JUDGED is a human emotion. It's not your job to
help someone else NOT feel judged, as they are fee to make up whatever
they want to feel judged by and that game could last forever.

It is their responsibility, just like it is our own, If we want to
grow, learn, heal and change, to simply accept the terms in use in
modern medicine, for HOW THEY MIGHT HELP AND GUIDE US.

Being able to accept a term, after asking for it (if it is given) and
then using that to help you overcome and grow up more, and become more
of a SELF-GOVERNED AND FREE INDIVIDUAL living the life you choose
I'd say is one of the most bravest and singular acts of love one can
make and give to oneself.


Meditate on the WORST TERMS you could be called-

Crazy
Insane
Mentally Ill
borderline personality disorder
Schizophrenic
F**ked up
Faggot
Gay
Lesbian
Twisted
Heaven I don't know- make your own hell list
and simply....

SIT WITH IT
and say

"...what if it's all true. HOW much does it matter?
HOW MUCH does that define who I am inside of myself...???"


And then choose at some point
what is worth keeping
and what to throw away
and what you can learn from any of it


And remember, like always
get as much perspective as you can

Meaning, feel free to see if other people are comfortable with
labeling you in a sincere way, and tell them you give them permission
to do it (or write it down for you).


Equilibrium is a state of ballance. Judemental terms are things we
don't need to run from, but like Simon, we can use them to empower
ourselves to be something more, greater and vaster as human beings.

I'll bet Simon, in the worst of your co-dependency inclinations, that
there was parts of you that were ANYTHING but co-dependent.

Interesting how it works, and how often we can't see it until we
simply get honest about it.

;)



--- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "smoothpebble69"
<simonfrog@...> wrote:
>
> okay yall gonna just get this out here. Daisy, love that you work
> for some sort of peace, a cure, I mean what is it that one is working
> towards matters, so partners make sure that you know what you are
> looking for and it will help the process tremendously.
> A few of you know me and the ex-mrs-frog. You saw us come on here as
> newbie discovering that life has turned into a madhouse and this
> thing, this atrocity, called CSA was the cause, and now that I know
> what it is I am going to beat it. Success stories, willie wonka's
> golden ticket, searching for hope of any kind, yeah I was there. My
> story is not one that you have to go back and research, because it
> was so much like every other story on this group.
> I am writing you all tonight to let you know that most CSA's are
> borderline personality disorder sufferers... really want to know what
> is going on? Put down ghosts, allies, and courage and pick up the
> borderline mother... 10:1 it will make much more sense. If you are
> going to fight a dragon, know what makes it up. Know its weaknesses
> and know where it is going to attack you.
> Which is politely telling you that just as a 90+% of CSA victims are
> borderlines, the same percentage rings true to partners of Survivors
> being co-dependent. I know I know, I am not co-dependent, I just
> love so much, there is nothing wrong with loving someone, I loved
> them and look at what they are doing to me...
> look at the math. You are expecting a change out of another human
> being that you found compatiblity with, odds are you have found
> previous encounters that treated you similarly, and you want change?
> Change is the only thing...but it must come from within.
> if you continue trying to create chaos for the illusion of having
> control, or to present the illusion that you are there/here to help
> or heal, you are only going to add to the problem. If you allow,
> accept or inable a behavior, then bitch moan groan about how horrible
> they are treating you after all that you have done to/for them, then
> you are feeding the behavior. if your behavior is as predictable as
> their behavior, then asking them to change without changing your own
> self, at least taking a serious look into the matter with some
> qualified professional help is just selfish.
> I hear, and I did my share of whining that I wanted her to go to
> therapy, tried my best to save my marriage, and failed only in saving
> my marriage, because I wound up saving my own life, and salvaging a
> good friendship with a woman who is a whole lot fucked up in the head
> from the neighbor and probably a family member that had their way
> with her from the ages of 4-12.
> her therapy would not have mattered so long as my sickness of co-
> dependence needed fed. You ask for and recieve everything that
> happens to you. It is true! Took a really good therapist and much
> literature to figure it out, but if you are not willing to look
> within yourself and make a change, get off of your high horses and
> quit expecting change from them. My ex and I are very good friends.
> I do believe if I had gotten a grip sooner, we may have been able to
> salvage the marriage, but I was so caught up in being a victim and
> defending that I had no part of how fucked up she was.
> co-dependency
> a taboo word here
> finding out more about it saved my life
> had I the courage to face it sooner it may have saved my marriage
> you want help?
> look into it, because your partner's behavior is a reaction to your
> own.
> Sorry it is so matter of fact
> Simon
>