Patricia, you are right, EVERYONE is a bit screwed up. Not one
person has live more than 20 years and not been through something in
thier life that hasn't tainted them in some way.

Some people can hadle being in relationship with a compulsive
gambler, that isn't something I could handle.

Some people can deal with only having "relations" once a month, that
isn't something I could deal with.

Some people can deal with crazy jealousy, I can deal with that. Not
because I enjoy crazy jealousy but because there are so many other
wonderful things that my man gives to me and I can see the
underlying issues that cause him to sometimes act that way.

As far as love goes, we all get to pick what kind of crazy we can
endure!


--- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "Patricia"
<dovewhispers@...> wrote:
>
> Hello...
>
> I have just read the recent posts and I agree with Daniel.
> It is a mistake to generalize survivors of CSA. With any human
> experience there are a multitude of factors that are unique to
every
> situation. Including the individual survivor's ability to process
> the event(s), coping skills, external supports, etc.
>
> Daniel's example is well taken. His girlfriend who had not
> experienced CSA was damaged from some unknown factor that
prevented
> her from bonding and growing within their, or apparently any other
> relationship. While his wife, a CSA survivor, has maintained a
> loving relationship with him for over 20-years.
>
> Needless to say, when you love an individual you inherit all of
their
> baggage. Humans are such complicated beings. Some are damaged by
> CSA, some have control issues, some have eating disorders, some
spend
> too much money, some have never gotten over missing their prom, or
> becoming a wife instead of the medical doctor they dreamed of
being.
> From my observation, regardless of the cause of damage many of the
> behavior issues (anger, sabotage, sexual dysfunction) are very
> similar.
>
> As Daniel points out in his message to "S" -- A relationship is a
> fluid, living state of being that is molded and transformed by the
> actions and inaction's of the participants. I guess another way
to
> say it is you must play the hand you're dealt. For instance, "S"
> wouldn't have ended her relationship but since her CSA survivor
did
> how should respond... ie what card to play. BTW I would have sent
his
> stuff back in the mail (FYI - I talk big but I'm a sucker...)
>
> Being glib... As Kenny Rogers would say -- "You must know when to
> hold 'em and know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and
when
> to stay." (I don't think I've ever quoted country music lyrics
> before, but it seems to fit.)
>
> I hope you have a winning hand.
> Patricia
>
>