This post is actually a little helpful to me. I just joined this group
and am about to marry someone who was abused as a child for years by a
retarded uncle, who just recently died. He is in therapy although I'm
not sure how much he talks about the abuse in those sessions- I know
he does some, but not every time he goes to the therapist. Sometimes I
think he just goes to get through the immediate day in front of him. I
have known him for 8 years- many of those as friends, but we were not
always close. At this point I'm ready to marry him. I do love him and
I know about all the issues. We don't plan to have kids and both lead
very strong independant lives. I think/hope we can get through this in
some years but I do know that there is a possibility that I will get
fed up down the road and want to call it quits. I've decided that I'm
OK with that. But I want to give it a try. It's in some way a relief
to hear from someone that is at that point, because I think "That
would suck if I got to that point...but I wouldn't be sorry I married
D and I could start my life without him without being devastated- sad
yes, but I could make it without him if I had to." So it's good to
think about the worst case senario and decide that I'm OK with the
worst. D knows all of this too. That marriage is no garuntee. It's
still a little scary not knowing what the future is.

I joined this group to help me through all of this. I know that I'll
need somewhere to vent and get all the frustration out to some third
party. We live in a small town and I haven't found anyone I can trust
enough to talk to. I don't want these things getting out because I
don't want D to be embarrassed and since my side of things involves
our sex life (which of course doesn't exist) It's hard to find someone
who is supportive. Usually people just think your crazy to go without
sex- as if there isn't anything else in life or they never got
rejected. I'm sure that I can't go out and say- "Hey yeah I'm going to
marry someone I don't have sex with." As all of you probably know our
lives are more complicated than that but I know how it must sound to
other people. Sex is so taboo and no one wants to admit that they
aren't getting any.

Basically that's my introduction story. This is my first post...So
hello and thanks for having me!







--- In positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "troubledtimes00"
<pasqualecaleca@...> wrote:
>
> I have posted a few times, but this will be the last i commend all of
> those that are riding the wave with there love one who has been
> sexually abused. I have been involved in this marriage for a short yet
> miserable two years, after the honeymoon it all went to hell. I have
> tried therapy and ended up with my own therapist for depression. I
> can see how my life would be, i have never loved anyone more then
> this women and wanted everything with her, i just cannot condem
> myself to a life of misery and loneliness. Am i selfish for doing
> this? For putting myself and sanity first, I am getting blamed for all
> the pain she has been through and the guilt trips are non stop. I am
> afraid that i myself will never be the same, two years of total
> rejection takes a toll on a person and now i feel like i will have
> trust issues.
>