trust issues, sex issues, control issues, guilt like you left her
when she needed you most, guilt like a parent that abandoned a
child... constant worry about when they are going to cycle back into
that path of self destruction... pain when they do... eternal doubt
of what if you had just tried something else... but... there is good
news... I just saved a bunch... awwww I couldn't do that to you...
lol... actually the good news is that your sense of humor will come
back, you will find yourself within a group of functional friends,
you will feel like you have a second lease on life and there is a
bit of appreciation for every human being that you will encounter.
It takes about two years for a recovery to the point that it doesn't
hurt so much, it is hard to sit on your hands and not try to do
something about the habits that they have, but you will learn that
you never had control of it and you never will and you just move on.
I started a group for us that were done at the same time, there were
four of us, it helped to have someone who had been through the after
shock of being a partner to a survivor. Anytime you need to touch
base, need encouragement, or just need to share something that only
one who has experienced a relationship with a borderline survivor
would understand, please feel free to contact me off the board.
Good luck with your endeavor...
ps... don't beat yourself up if you go back and forth with that
whole being done business for about a year or so... lol
Simon

--- In
positivepartnersofsurvivors@yahoogroups.com, "troubledtimes00"
<pasqualecaleca@...> wrote:
>
> I have posted a few times, but this will be the last i commend all
of
> those that are riding the wave with there love one who has been
> sexually abused. I have been involved in this marriage for a short
yet
> miserable two years, after the honeymoon it all went to hell. I
have
> tried therapy and ended up with my own therapist for depression.
I
> can see how my life would be, i have never loved anyone more then
> this women and wanted everything with her, i just cannot condem
> myself to a life of misery and loneliness. Am i selfish for doing
> this? For putting myself and sanity first, I am getting blamed for
all
> the pain she has been through and the guilt trips are non stop. I
am
> afraid that i myself will never be the same, two years of total
> rejection takes a toll on a person and now i feel like i will have
> trust issues.
>